“The Oldest Cougar”: Hell’s Kitchen Legend Hattie Wiener Passes Away at 88

Hell’s Kitchen and New York at large are full of one-of-a-kind characters — and last month, the neighborhood lost one of its indisputably unique West Siders: Worldwide Plaza resident and the “world’s oldest cougar” Hattie Wiener, who passed away at age 88 on June 21.

Born May 25, 1936 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and named Hattie in honor of her father’s tenure as president of the hatter’s union , Hattie Wiener began her life on a more conventional path than would befit her later years — by getting married at age 22 (as she once slyly put it , “if you wanted to get laid, you got married”).

Hattie had children and worked as a dancer, eventually opening a private practice “using dance to help women deal with the sexual issues that come with age” in her fifties ( Mission Mag ). It was then that the mood of her 25-year marriage shifted, said Hattie in a 2023 interview with StyleU entitled “Is Sexual Freedom Lonely?”. “The dynamic of me as a wife and mother changed when I became a therapist… and he was disgusted with me putting myself out there as something special, as somebody special,” said Hattie. “He just blurted out one night, ‘I’m divorcing your mother.’ And so I left!”

Divorced at 55, Hattie hit the ground running — going from, as she put it , a “committed virgin until 22 and committed slut from 55 on” by placing frequent personal ads in the newspaper. “In those days there was no internet,” she added, “so in the newspaper it said: ‘I’m looking for a supremely sexual man under 35’ — I was 55!”

She began seeing younger men and making her newfound knowledge of dating and aging known through work as a licensed sexologist , life coach and author, publishing the books Sex and the Single Senior and RetroAge: 4 Steps to a Younger YOU! . Her work led to a secondary career as a model, posing in Vogue and Vanity Fair as well as speaking appearances on everything from Dr Phil , The Howard Stern Show , and Access Hollywood to CBS News. Hattie eventually starred in the TLC reality show Extreme Cougar Wives , where she proudly shared her life living in Hell’s Kitchen as a confirmed cougar. “There are a lot of people who use the word cougar to describe an older woman who sleeps with younger men… actually, that’s not what a cougar is,” explained Hattie. “A cougar is actually an attractive older woman that younger men lust after.”

David Heimlich — Hattie’s next door neighbor at Worldwide Plaza and friend for the last several years of her life — told W42ST that Hattie’s personality was just as vibrant in real life, too. “We had some fun flirtations — but I was 55 at the time,” said David, leading Hattie to declare, “You’re too old for me!” he laughed. “According to her standards, I was twice the age of someone she wanted to date — and I know that because I would be leaving my apartment, and there she goes in with this stud who’s, you know, like 28!”

They were able instead to share a years-long friendship, watching Frank Sinatra concerts on DVD, going to dinner at Taboon and Fiorello’s (“I like the bar, but she always loved the sophistication of a table — and of course, won out!” said David), bringing each other leftovers and sharing conversation over a glass of wine on their adjoining patios. “We’d sit at my table and just talk about life,” said David. “Not current events, life. Not politics, life —the real meaty stuff.”

Hattie didn’t just push back against the stereotypes surrounding older women and dating — she also worked to reroute stereotypes around aging, too. Asked whether she cared about others’ opinions on her age, Hattie proudly declared , “I don’t care, call me old! I do not yield, I do not buckle, I do not fall apart under the criticism,” choosing instead to forge her own path in dating, fashion, and living life after 55. “I don’t follow fashion,” she said of her bold style of dress. “I wear what my body and my being tells me to wear.”

She espoused the virtues of accepting oneself without modification, condemning plastic surgery as antithetical to self-actualization. “I look and I ask myself, ‘Do these wrinkles really matter to me?’ They don’t. What matters to me is muscle, these muscles. I don’t want to insult my body,” said Hattie. “There has to be a way to honor what time takes and what time gives and that’s what I live with.” She added that she hoped young people would see the negative image of aging “as something that was the generation before.”

“She was not a believer at all about looking to the past and ruminating,” added David, who told us how Hattie helped him through the breakup of his engagement. “She is a therapist, either by trade, officially, or by celebrity — and I’m not sure exactly [which],” laughed David. “But she certainly had the therapeutic chops and would talk to you at times, appropriately, like a patient.” Later, when David re-entered the dating scene, Hattie was even willing to impart her wisdom to his guests. On one such date, “I don’t know how, but the conversation steered around to Hattie being my neighbor,” said David. “[My date] Googled her in front of me and asked, ‘ This is your neighbor?!’ and I said, ‘Yeah, that’s totally my neighbor! You can totally knock on her door, she’ll let you in’… she knocked on her door and was gone for an hour,” he laughed. “She came back and said, ‘I’ve been doing everything wrong in life!’”

While unapologetic about the process of aging, Hattie wasn’t afraid to acknowledge the more unavoidable challenges of navigating her later years. “Interesting enough, I never really figured it out totally — my obsession with young men,” she said . “Dr Phil said to me, ‘Why are you doing this?’ and I said, ‘I think I want to go back to before I was married and start a love life again.’” She felt “anguish” at being alone as the years went on. “The more famous I become, and the more I give of myself — which I love to do! — the more I want something to hold,” she added . “I want to share that with a man — we partake of each others’ humanity.”

The isolation of COVID was difficult, she told an Australian news magazine , and keeping a zest for life did not always come easy to her. “I have to admit that I’m not beyond anguish and depression,” said Hattie. “I’m faced with them daily… [but] I cannot be paralyzed — I swim, I go to MoMa and go to dinner with friends, I do things… if I weren’t gifted with this extraordinary capacity for love — if I didn’t feel it that powerfully, then I wouldn’t feel the lack of it that powerfully,” she added .

Hattie’s fierce independent streak and irrepressible sense of self was present until the very end, added David. Just days before she died, he visited a sleeping Hattie at her hospice bed. “I sat on the end of the bed and prayed for her,” said David. “She woke up and I think the drugs were wearing off […] she got very angry that I couldn’t understand what she was saying […] I jokingly said, ‘Just because you’re dying doesn’t mean you can treat us like shit — you’ve got to start being nicer or I’ll start telling some bad jokes,’” he added. “And she looked at me with a wink and smile and said, ‘Go f*** yourself.’ Those were her last words to me — ‘go f*** yourself’ with a wink and smile! She was so friggin’ funny, down to the last minute,” said David. “God, I miss her.”

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