I work in day care — and this kid’s name is literally a crime

A day care worker has shared a child’s name that she says is so bad, the girl’s grandma won’t use it.

Posting in a Facebook group, she writes about her workplace:

“Honestly most the kids had pretty normal names,” but then notes a name that is literally and metaphorically a crime.

The carer explains, “The grandma called her by her middle name because the baby’s legal first name is … Phelonie.”

Phelonie … pronounced FELONY .

We would love to know what the inspiration was. Was her dad’s name FELON, and they just added a Y to make it sound girl?

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Was the mom binging “Breaking Bad” in her last trimester?

Were the parents inspired by the 2024 Republican presidential candidate?

We will never know, which is a shame.

In any case, obviously the name is highly problematic for a number of reasons, as commenters on the post gleefully noted.

The overwhelming sense from the comments on the post was … utter confusion.

One read, “Why would you do that to your kid?,” which sums up the entire situation.

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In general, people were concerned about her passport and birth certificate bearing the name, her school enrollment, and anything she ever did to earn a living.

My concern is what her nickname will be, and I pray no first-grader thinks of ‘Phallic Phelonie.’ Because that s–t will stick.

But the story gets better.

One teacher actually claimed she also had a student with that name.

“When I subbed had a Phelony,” she commented on the post.

“I purposely mispronounced it because I could not imagine anyone would name their kid felony. The entire class corrected my pronunciation. I felt so bad for the adorable little girl.”

So it seems that Phelonie may have ripped off Phelony, which sounds about right.

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We’d even go so far as to say that Phelonie makes other hilarious/dreadful baby names look sweet by comparison.

A couple of years ago, an Aussie mom wanted to give her baby a strong male name — so came up with “Holden Commodore.”

Mom Isabella Veronica Hayes posted a clip in response to a call out for people who have “baby name regret.”

However, Isabella took the chance to tell her followers that she did not NOT have ANY baby name regret , even though the approach she took with her son was not common.

“My son’s name is Holden Commodore,” she began in a since-deleted clip.

“Originally we wanted to call him Commodore, but that’s illegal in Australia.” (FYI, it’s a banned name because Commodore in this country refers to a very high-ranking Navy official.)

“So, we called him Holden Commodore. He’ll be one soon, and I do not regret it at all.

“People will begin copying me.”

Indeed, they may have … but we’re not sure the same can be said for Phelonie.

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