My sister-in-law put her kids up for adoption because she ‘missed her old life’
By Kidspot,
4 hours ago
A woman has written in to a parenting advice column after she and her husband adopted her sister-in-law’s twins.
“My husband and I went into parenting thinking we’d like to have three or four kids,” she begins.
“My first pregnancy had some serious complications at the end, but my doctors agreed that a second pregnancy was still appropriate with a few precautions. My second pregnancy was terrible and ultimately led to a hysterectomy when the baby was delivered.
“Last year, when our kids were 3 and 4, we decided to explore adoption and/or fostering, as we felt like we still had room and love for more children in our life.”
Around the same time, her sister-in-law got married and became pregnant with twins. Apparently, she had “never expressed much desire” to have children and was definitely “stressed” to discover it was twins.
“Last year, when our kids were 3 and 4, we decided to explore adoption and/or fostering, as we felt like we still had room and love for more children in our life,” a woman wrote, asking for advice. Avril – stock.adobe.com
The poster continued: “When the twins were about 6 weeks old, they all came to stay with us for a weekend to attend SIL’s friend’s wedding, during which we agreed to watch the babies.
“They ended up texting around 11 p.m. that they’d had more to drink than they’d planned and the party was still going, so would we mind if they just got a hotel room and we’d keep watching the babies overnight? We were fine with it.”
“We adopted the twins”
Two weeks after the wedding, they asked to come visit the family again. They told the couple that having twins was “significantly more difficult than either of them had imagined” and “they were really missing their previous life and the ability to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted.”
“They said they knew we were considering adoption and wondered if we would take in their twins,” the OP wrote.
Around the same time, the woman’s sister-in-law got married and became pregnant with twins. Irina – stock.adobe.com
“They thought it would be the best solution as they could continue to see them and be involved in their lives (at their convenience). My husband and I were shocked. We spent the next month talking to them about it more and went to multiple counseling sessions with them.”
“Ultimately, we drew up a legal agreement, and they surrendered parental rights, and we adopted the twins.”
The woman said they “absolutely love the babies and feel like our family is complete now” — but now, she doesn’t know how to interact with her brother-in-law and sister-in-law anymore.
“I lost all respect for them when they basically admitted that their kids were an inconvenience they wanted to be rid of. (When we asked what they would do if we didn’t adopt them, they said they were considering other private adoption options),” she said.
Apparently, she had “never expressed much desire” to have children and was definitely “stressed” to discover it was twins. Anneke – stock.adobe.com
“It’s been a year, and everyone in my husband’s family just acts like what they did was perfectly normal.”
The worst part for the woman is that she wants transparency with the twins, but no one else does.
A “bizarre” situation
The columnist gave the woman some sage advice for her sensitive situation.
They advised: “Adoption can mean a lot of joy, love, and comfort, but it can also mean trauma, confusion, and anger.
“I foresee a lot of those latter feelings for these twins, knowing that their birth parents (who they will presumably develop a relationship with) saw them as inconveniences to be surrendered.
The woman said they “absolutely love the babies and feel like our family is complete now” but she doesn’t know how to interact with her brother-in-law and SIL anymore. Maria – stock.adobe.com
“On the other hand, keeping this important truth from them — one that is central to their identities — is likely to feel like a betrayal once the twins inevitably find out. You need to do a lot of research on open and kinship adoptions to be sure you’re making the decision that is right for your family and these twins.
“Then you’ll be able to inform the birth parents and the rest of the family how you will be proceeding regarding disclosing to the twins. Make no mistake: No matter who else in the family has what opinions, this is ultimately you and your husband’s call as the legal parents.”
As for her relationship with her SIL? Firmer boundaries about who are the parents going forward will make things easier.
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I would let the twins get older, like 18. Explain what went down then let the children decide if they want a relationship with the bio parents.
LaDon Adams
1m ago
wow! Ok so u adopted your sisters kids. Me personally given the twins are still small , I would ask that the sister n brother n law not come around for at least a year . This gives everyone a chance to get settled in a routine. Just my thoughts , best of luck.
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