20 Great Tips on Finding a Sense of Peace With Yourself (Yes, It's Really Possible)

Peace begins with you, but you’ve got to work at it.

Photo by Stoica Ionela on Unsplash

How often do you feel at peace with yourself?

I was in a yoga class one day and the teacher led us in a guided meditation.

“Imagine a time you were at peace with yourself,” she began. “Remember how you felt then, what it was like to be at peace.”

And I thought, “Huh? At peace with myself? When was I at peace with myself?”

And I thought some more. The meditation ended.

I thought some more. Class ended and I kept on pondering.

I couldn’t think of a time when I had been at peace with myself. I thought some more, days went by, and the instructor’s question kept popping into my head.

And I had to conclude that I’ve never been at peace with myself. It really bothered me.

“Is anyone ever at peace with themselves?” my best friend asked when I told her about this. Good question.

I started to reframe the meditation in my head. Maybe the key was to ask yourself to think of a time you felt at peace for even a few moments and draw on that, I told myself. But even those moments seemed few and far between.

My best friend’s question kept coming back to me. I assume that some people somewhere are at peace with themselves, but I’m guessing they are a minority.

I’ve never been totally at peace with myself. Or even close. As I reflected on the magnitude of that realization, I felt sad. It seems like I should be able to be at peace with myself, at least sometimes.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” — Peace Pilgrim

What makes people feel at peace with themselves?

While peace is one of those things that is subjective and impossible to quantify, people who express that they feel at peace with themselves tend to have some commonalities. Here are twenty things that people who have inner peace do:

1. They visualize their ideal self, how they want to be, and actively cultivate the characteristics that line up with their ideal self.

2. They have stopped caring about what other people think of them and choose to live their life authentically.

3. They let go of perfectionism. When things don’t go as they would like, they learn from the experience and move on.

4. They ask questions instead of assuming things or guessing. They ask for help when they need it.

5. They practice patience, and when that fails, they make amends.

6. They have accepted that you can’t control other people, only their reactions to them.

7. They have accepted that no one is perfect, and you can love someone just the way they are.

8. They set limits and maintain boundaries for themselves and others.

9. They recognize their feelings of discomfort or disquiet, and instead of pushing those away, they use those as a signal that something isn’t quite right and approach those feelings with curiosity.

10. They take care of their health, eating for nourishment, and engaging in movement.

11. They stop classifying things as “good” and “bad”. They classify things like experiences, food, and people aren’t good or bad, they just are neutral.

12. They avoid “making mountains out of molehills”, striving to keep their reactions to the small things in proportion.

13. They reduce clutter, both in their minds and their physical space. They automate decisions whenever possible.

14. They stop seeing themselves as victims of people or circumstances and ask themselves what they can learn when things don’t go as expected.

15. They actively work to turn off the voice in their head that tells them that they’re not good enough. They use affirmations to reinforce their positive attitude.

16. They engage in a daily gratitude practice, reflecting on their blessings.

17. They practice regular relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, exercise, and journaling.

18. They disconnect, slow down, and take time for themselves, engaging in self-care and reflection.

19. They make sleep a priority, and practice good sleep hygiene.

20. They spend time in nature, breathing fresh air, and connecting with the Earth.

What would it look like if I was at peace with myself, I wondered?

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”
Wayne Dyer

For one thing, that voice in my head who I think of as my inner critic would be silent. Just thinking about that voice being gone makes me feel more peaceful. Going through an entire day without that voice nagging me that I’m too fat, I’m not getting enough accomplished, I’m not eating the way I’m “supposed” to be, I’m not attractive enough, not tidy enough, not…..whatever enough.

What if that voice were gone and I (gasp) just accepted myself as perfect and whole just the way I am? The way I strive to do with the people around me.

What if instead of rehashing the past or thinking about the future, things I have to do, things I want to do, things that may or may not happen, I just focus on the present? What if I let go of regrets and judgments and plans and focus on really knowing myself? The real me.

And not to go all Serenity Prayer on you, but what if instead of worrying about things I can’t change, I accept that many things are out of my control, and focus on what I can actually impact?

"If we want to make peace, with ourselves and with the world at large, we have to look closely at the source of all of our wars." -- Pema Chodron

I know there’s no easy answer, but I’m committed to finding peace within myself. I’m a lot closer than I was in the past, this I know. Practicing gratitude, incorporating yoga and meditation, and letting go of toxic relationships have helped me immensely, particularly over the last year when I’ve really focused on these areas.

Now I’m ready to take the next step. Being at peace with myself. Who’s with me?

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