<body><div><figure><img src="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?type=thumbnail_580x000&amp;url=0lSwTl_0k7VZufv00" alt="https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=0lSwTl_0k7VZufv00" width="1952" height="1098" ><figcaption>Trent Parke / Magnum</figcaption></figure>Because “a better life” is the immigrant’s most stubbornillusion, I wanted a do-over. Other versions behind (beside)me like so many costumes (countries). That one: the pink- jacketed girl sweeping her tambourine under a domeof hallelujahs. This one: the hoodied teenager being kissed<nbtemplate data-id="AdPlaceholder" data-content="JTdCJTdE"></nbtemplate>on a rooftop the way spring can make the moon’s blemishesfeel holy. I want you to know that there were moments stayingwas easy. That I do not regret any of my wishes, even whenI have denied them. For years after the diagnosis, I could notremember the name of the border inside me. Thanked the lean-in zeitgeist that what hurts me is my salvation. Home isa Millennial improbability anyway, and who the hell canafford college in twenty years? I walked the stage like a tight-rope at high-school graduation, terrified my water wouldbreak, and my mother would have to look in the eyes of other<nbtemplate data-id="AdPlaceholder" data-content="JTdCJTdE"></nbtemplate>mothers. I searched for a clever metaphor, but which girls get toimagine themselves loved is a political problem with no poeticsolution. Ice melts off the eaves. I let go and let go of the ideaof being your home. It is a daily labor. Sometimes, I confuseit with the idea of you, out there among the dark matter thatfabrics the universe. Other times, you are Gabriel, Eloise—laughing with faces almost mine, songs I almost recognize.</div></body>

Mountain View, CA

Because “a better life” is the immigrant’s most stubborn. illusion, I wanted a do-over. Other versions behind (beside) me like so many costumes (countries). That one: the pink- jacketed girl sweeping her tambourine under a dome. of hallelujahs. This one: the hoodied teenager being kissed. on a...