Opinion: Gaslighting is a Stealthy and Effective Form of Abuse

Photo byGerd Altmann

Chances are, the first time you heard the term gaslighting, it was the central plot in a movie. The events seemed so dramatic and extreme that you chalked it up to fictitious and didn't give it a second thought. Unfortunately, gaslighting is not only real but very common. Gaslighting is most common in romantic partnerships but can occur in any type of relationship, including:

• Friendships
• Family relationships
• Employer-employee relationships
• Coworker relationships

The scary truth is that by the time victims realize they have been gaslighted, the damage is already done. Keep reading to learn why gaslighting is so successful and what makes it so dangerous.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a very complex occurrence but simply put, it is when the gaslighter instills a sense of self-doubt. It's not just minor feelings of self-doubt and a lack of self-worth. The situation can escalate to the point that the victim feels they are mentally unstable and quite literally going insane. Eventually, a person who is a victim of gaslighting no longer feels that they have any self-worth, which will have devasting consequences in their personal and professional life.

How Does Gaslighting Happen?

The exact details of how gaslighters break down their victims vary, but this is the general process.

A Great Start to the Relationship

At the beginning of the relationship, everything seems really good. In fact, it may seem that you've entered the best relationship possible.

The gaslighter often draws in the victim through love bombing. They are generous with praise and quick to confide intimate details, which only causes the victim to grow more attached to them. In fact, victims may feel the most confidence they ever have had at the beginning of the relationship.

Seeds of Self-Doubt are Planted

It starts out small. If you're being gaslighted by a romantic partner, maybe they tell you that you didn't tell them about plans that you clearly remember filling them in on. You chalk it up to you being busy, and maybe you did forget. These situations will occur often, but they are so minor you don't give them much thought. You don't realize that the seeds of self-doubt and insecurity are being planted.

Escalation

The gaslighter begins to escalate the situation by introducing even more lies that confuse their victim. It becomes emotionally exhausting. Someone who is being gaslit can no longer distinguish what is real from what is not. The gaslighter convinces them that they are remembering things wrong, aren't accessing a situation correctly, and even go as far as to express to the victim that they are worried about their memory and mental state. At the same time, the abuser may still hand out compliments and do nice things for the abused, but it's all a ruse to maintain the trust of the victim.

Now the person being gaslit legitimately wonders if something medically is wrong with them. They no longer trust themselves but instead trust the gaslighter to tell them what is real. Unfortunately, this pattern continues until the victim realizes what is going on and escapes.

Why Gaslighting is So Successful and Dangerous

Gaslighting is an incredibly successful form of manipulation, making it incredibly dangerous. Here are the reasons why:

1. The abuser is someone that the victim has already established trust with, meaning the person is looking through rose-colored glasses.
2. The victim's self-worth and self-confidence are shattered long before they have a chance to realize what is going on. At this point, the insecurities make it almost impossible to accurately pinpoint whether they are being abused.
3. The severe confusion and fear of mental instability mean victims do not want to worry their family and friends that there might be something wrong with them. They don't tell anyone.
4. Gaslighters have a completely different facade to everyone else, and people tend to really like them. This confuses you even further because you talk yourself into believing the problem lies with you and they aren't as bad as you think.

Gaslighters may not actually know the term for what they are doing, but their manipulation and lies are very intentional. They thrive on the control they have over you.

What to Do If You Think You May Be a Victim of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is way more common than you may think. If any of the above resonates with you or someone you know, don't take it lightly. First, talk with a family member or friend that you trust. They can help you work through what is real and alleviate the feelings of confusion that your abuser is instilling in you. Please remember that gaslighting is a very legitimate form of abuse. You can always contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you feel that you may be a victim.

This is a very serious subject that needs more awareness. If you like this article and find the information useful, please consider following me and like and share this article with anyone you think it may benefit. Also, do not forget to download the NewsBreak app if you haven't already. It's absolutely free, and you can get local and national news tailored to your interests right from your phone.

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting