I got the call today that no parent ever wants to get.

Photo bySiavash GhanbarionUnsplash

Today I got the call that no parent wants to have. My child was reported by another as having been physically aggressive towards them since December, but they only now wanted to come forward. I just about blew my top, not at the accusation, but at the fact that my child would even *think* about touching someone else without permission; nevertheless for harm.

When my husband got home with her I asked her to sit down and explain what happened at lunch. Her immediate response was: “I don’t remember.” I gently told her that I knew that wasn’t the case (she has an ironclad memory) and that I needed the truth. She admitted to kicking the girl in question. When I asked why she told me her mind was cloudy and she couldn’t remember why. Man, I saw red but kept calm and explained my disappointment and how bullying can negatively impact the lives of all those involved.

Her dad and I agreed that she is grounded from all electronics until an apology is issued on Monday. She is also going to handwrite apology notes to the girl, her parents, and the administrator of the school they attend. Her room is also to be completely cleaned before the sun sets on Sunday.

However, I know my daughter. She is — generally speaking — a very empathetic person and I was confused as to why she’d think kicking, scratching, and pinching (all things she admits to doing) were okay behaviors to engage in.

Along comes bedtime. In the dark, under no pressure, I once again asked her to tell me the events of lunch today. From her perspective, it went like this:

All the kids get up to play a running/chasing game. My daughter is physically slow due to a disability and cannot keep up. She goes and sits down. Zero friends/classmates follow or notice her. The girl in question comes over and picks up her water and takes a drink. She fails to acknowledge my daughter so my kid kicks out a leg and catches her on the calf. She wanted attention.

We talked about how just because she wanted attention doesn’t give her the right to invade someone else’s space or violate their physical boundaries. The other girl asked me to stop (and she did) and asked her why she did that. My kid said, “Because of my brother”. She was hoping to talk about the fact that she’s worried because he’s going in for surgery in the morning.

The other past incidents of her grabbing, scratching, etc have also been cries for attention. She’s actually terribly jealous of this girl because she does gymnastics, has a pool, and is popular. When she was new at the beginning of the year my kid went out of her way to befriend her, but is now being excluded by another friend as well.

My daughter honestly didn’t realize her physicality was bullying this girl. All she saw was her advances being rejected and needing to go further each time for a response.

Tween emotions are no joke. I don’t condone by kid hurting another kid, and the consequences still stand. I am, however, glad my kid wasn’t doing it maliciously. We have a meeting scheduled with the other family as well as the administrator of the school. And yes, I too am curious why this wasn’t reported to the administration back in December when the other girl says it started happening.

I also have several emails into local therapist who deal with children. I am totally willing to work with and for my daughter. My husband is too. He was a victim of horrendous bullying as a child and teen. We definitely don’t want our child to bully or allow others to bully her.