I'm a Single Mother Just Venting

Photo byfrank mckennaonUnsplash

To make a long story short, I got hitched at 20, moved to Arizona, got knocked up by my newlywed husband, and had twins at 21. Two years later, our daughter arrived. I ended up getting divorced at around 25–26, after five years of marriage. My ex and I are from the Midwest, and despite our divorce, we always intended to move back to the Midwest to raise our family with Midwest values. Well, he ended up remarrying someone who’s native to Arizona within six months of our divorce. Despite that, we’ve maintained a somewhat healthy, co-parenting relationship with 50/50 joint custody.

Since our divorce, I’ve worked my ass off as a single mother for the last 3 1/2 years to gain ground as a previous stay-at-home mom. I got my bachelor’s degree in medical assisting/phlebotomy and have supported my children through all of it with the hope of moving back to the Midwest. My boyfriend (28M) and I have been together for about two years. While it hasn’t always been easy, he’s been an amazing partner and father figure for my kids. I truly believe he’s the one meant for me. We want to continue our life and grow our future in the Midwest with my kids in hopes of expanding the family we already have.

Back in November, I told my ex that my boyfriend and I wanted to move in together in the Midwest. Before that, verbal plans were already in motion between my ex and me about my move with the kids, and he agreed to everything. However, the moment I mentioned my boyfriend and I moving in together, everything changed.

Fast forward to now, I have a lawyer, and we are one week away from trial for my relocation. My ex is telling the courts obscene things about my mothering/parenting skills. My lawyer’s assistant sent me his final draft today, and it blew my mind with the things he’s saying or trying to portray me as. He’s also asking for sole custody. My lawyer told me she doesn’t think I’ll win my relocation request. We’re one week away from trial, and she stated that because of the judge (whom she’s had experience with) is very hard on relocation. She also said, “Any Judge will tell you they almost NEVER grant these, even with really compelling reasons. I think the Judge will order it to stay as it has been.”

Can you imagine how defeated I feel? I’m a single mom, struggling with the cost of living here in Arizona. Back in the Midwest, it’s so much cheaper, my profession pays the same, and the cost of living is half of what I’m paying here. What the fuck do I do? I’ll admit, I was never the perfect wife or mother. I made mistakes when I was married, but I’ve grown up. These aren’t irrational decisions I’m making. This isn’t some boyfriend I just met off the street. I want to be closer to my family, to give my kids the feeling of what I had growing up. My grandparents are getting older, and I want my kids to make memories with them while they still can.

I’m sorry for this post. My mind is all over the place. I just need advice, guidance, prayers, anything really.