I think my wife could be a better stay-at-home mom.

Photo bySteven Van LoyonUnsplash

4.5 years ago when our first child was born the plan was for us to continue working. After 6 months of paternity it was time for her to return back to work, 2 days into childcare she had a breakdown insisting she needed to be a stay-at-home mom, I reluctantly agreed, this would mean incredible pressure and stress on me being the sole provider. We didn’t sit down and talk about what this would look like and what her role would be as a traditional homemaker.

Fast forward 4.5 years, we now have a 4yo, 2yo, and 9-month-old, my job has flourished, I’ve been able to buy us our dream home, she drives a new SUV, we don’t have any needs, I am blessed to be able to provide this life for my family.

Literally, the only thing we argue about is what her responsibilities are as a stay-at-home mom. She refuses to provide a list of responsibilities and job duties which she should be responsible for. My one stress in life is a messy house, I come home to a filthy house every day and she tells me if I want it clean I can do it myself…..I even pay for cleaners to come every other Friday. She doesn’t cook, we either air fry or nuke frozen food or go out to eat, a home-cooked meal comes maybe twice a month. I come home and the house is messier than when I left. She tells me I need to come home and contribute to housework. I ask her what she does while I’m at work she tells me “You’re not my boss”.

I do my own laundry. I do all the shopping. I pay all the bills. She uses my credit card which I pay monthly. I take our oldest to school and pick them up from school 3 days a week. Oh, she also has 80k in her bank account and is also a part of an Indian tribe where she gets money maybe every 3 or 4 months, I’ve never asked for a penny from her for anything. She says she’s just really good at saving money, and I told her “It’s easy to save when you spend someone else’s money”.

I need some outside insight, maybe I’m the a-hole and need to come home from work and vacuum, clean the sink full of dirty dishes, clean the counters and messy table, and do the laundry that’s been piling up for the last 2 weeks. OR maybe my wife isn’t living up to her responsibilities as a stay-at-home mom.