Opinion: Letter to A Supreme Court Judge - Dear Clarence

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Dear Clarence,

Wow, it’s amazing to see an Ivy League education in action.

Coming up with all those counter arguments about what is and what isn’t ethical for the land’s highest court. Fascinating, as Mr. Spock would say.

No seriously. Paid vacations, rides on private jets, homes purchased, education paid for by appreciative GOP mega donors - all coming under the banner of totally acceptable.

I long for the ability to make questionable decisions just vanish, a la Harry Potter. Pull out the wand, say a few quasi-Latin phrases and - Poof! It’s all gone. No accounting, no reports, no sleepless nights wondering if $500,000 is really an excessive amount considering that, what is it, $250 is the threshold for reporting such things for everyone else.

Imagine if any of us normal folk could do that with everyday problems. Like with an overheated and handsy boss. Or a husband that just can’t keep it in his … well, you know, that strays and has so many well-used and imaginative excuses for lipstick on the collar, motel receipts in the glovebox and all those inconvenient telltale signs of a complete disregard for an oath taken.

Bam! In the past. All gone. Sleep-filled nights, here I come.

Aah, what a life. Being able to wear a robe during the day and being respected for it. Being able to interrupt well paid attorneys standing before you, trying desperately to convince you that certain things are important - like a woman’s reproductive rights or a citizen’s right to marry whoever the hell they please. And you sitting there with that amazing poker face, not snarling or lashing out like so many others would.

Objectively weighing the words, the law and the importance of your position, every single day. Gaining strength from your conviction that you are right 100% of the time.

This is the stuff of legend, Clarence, that only a few rare people get to experience and most of them just don’t realize the fun that one can have being a Supreme Court Justice.

Duck hunting, weeks at a private villa that makes Versailles look like a Motel 6; the exorbitant fees for private education covered by a well-meaning contributor who has no ulterior motive for doing so - man, that is something quite special.

And having the luxury of people surrounding you who are like-minded. Who see no harm in receiving gifts intended as “thank yous” for a job well done and not some seedy attempt at influencing the court - something that would never ever happen. Because the Supreme Court is above such things, always has been and always will be, God willing and the Congress dropping their incessant interfering ways.

And it always helps, doesn’t it Clarence, to have other justices believing as you do, that access to the court is a constitutional right, well, it is, if you read between those lovely lines that the founding fathers strung together.

And after all, who better suited to determining what those lines in the constitution mean, than you and your fellow justices. A near perfect situation, wouldn’t you agree?

But not everyone sees it this way and I know you are struggling to convince them otherwise. I am certain that somewhere in the constitution there are words, maybe even a sentence or two that neatly covers this situation. That when put into its proper context, donations made directly to justices, gifts lavished on justices for no reason other than to affirm a job well done, will be clearly shown to have always been acceptable.

And I’m sure you, and your fellow justices are deliberating right now on how best to quash the madness, settle the bile coming your way, and show everyone willing to listen, that gifts are not bribes and bribes are not always gifts and that if it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, well, heck, just wait for the next ruling from the court and all of this gift-giving BS will quietly disappear as outrage for something more pressing takes its place.

It is the American way after all.

And as Mr. Spock also used to say, and you being a trekkie at heart would know - Live Long and Prosper, which is exactly what you've been trying to do. Funny how that works.

Sincerely yours, no really,

An Average American Citizen