Should I Worry About My Co-Workers Smoking Weed on Break?

<b> Indispensable, but Pregnant </b>

<i>Q: I run data operations for a small company. I am vital to the day-to-day success of my company, and there is no one else who can perform my job at the level I do. If I go on vacation, work piles up quickly, and it takes weeks to catch up because of how critical my job is and how little support there is from others. I am pregnant, and my maternity leave will take place at the busiest time of year. I know I should have a plan or some ideas as to how the company can handle my absence, but I do not currently see a solution. I am not sure it is feasible to find a short-term replacement who could handle the scope of my role with only a few months of training. I am nervous that I will be asked to split up my maternity leave or work part time to continue managing the workload.</i>

<i>What do I owe my company under these circumstances? I am one of the few women working there, the company has not had to deal with maternity leave in the past, and we do not have an HR department. Do you have any advice on how to broach this topic with the business owners or how to mitigate the fallout from my absence? — ANONYMOUS</i>

A: Congratulations on making a tiny human that will soon join this world. You need to find a short-term replacement. Businesses do this all the time to accommodate people who are taking parental leave. You are clearly amazing at your job, but you are not the only person in the world who can keep your company from imploding. If you truly are, they are not paying you enough. When you approach the owners, have a clear plan in mind for the kind of person they need to find, how long the temporary colleague will be in place and how you will onboard that person. You should not have to split up your leave or work part time. The point of work leave is to leave. Be clear on that both with yourself and with your employer.

<b> How to Leave a Volatile Boss </b>

<i>Q: I work as an executive assistant for someone who has multiple homes and a small but active business. I work out of their home and have done so for about 14 months. My boss is quite volatile — the slightest bit of bad news sends her off the deep end, and she begins the blame game. I am constantly redoing work because she never plans out how she wants to achieve her goals and fails to properly articulate her expectations. Additionally, she seems vengeful; she is obsessed with discussing both former business partners and past employees who became pregnant when they worked for her. Those who don’t immediately jump on board with her ideas are “idiots.” This creates a level of stress and work that is nearly unmanageable. I have made up my mind to leave — it’s an unhealthy, toxic workplace with zero advancement and no HR to mediate. I am fortunate in that I don’t have to have another job lined up before I quit this one. How do you quit when your boss has clear emotional and mental issues? <i>— ANONYMOUS</i></i>

A: Simply give your employer two weeks’ notice, arrange a smooth transition and move on with your professional life, hopefully to a work situation that is not toxic. You are not responsible for your employer’s mental health or emotional well-being. Your boss will be fine, I assure you.

<b> A Distinct Aroma </b>

<i>Q: I recently smelled pot smoke on an associate coming back after a break. I do not smoke weed and never have, so I am not very familiar with the new techniques and forms for smoking it and what it may or may not smell like. I foolishly asked a fellow employee if he thought the guy smelled like pot smoke. His answer was somewhat evasive and more or less indicated that it was not unusual. He then ratted me out to the pot smoker, who confronted me and told me that if I have a problem, I should have come directly to him. I have since learned that this behavior is quite routine with some employees. Am I naive and uncool in thinking it’s unacceptable to smoke weed during coffee breaks at work? — ANONYMOUS, FLORIDA</i>

A: If you and your colleagues aren’t using heavy machinery, driving tractor-trailers, performing medical procedures or flying airplanes, smoking weed on breaks is ill advised but relatively harmless. Is it unprofessional? Yes. Are you uncool for having an issue with this? Maybe! But you are entitled to your opinion, just as your colleagues are entitled to spend their coffee breaks as they see fit. That said, most workplaces do not allow for the use of intoxicants during working hours. Your colleagues are probably breaking some rules, but it’s nothing you need to handle or worry about. Let this one go.

<b> Family Matters </b>

<i>Q:</i> <i>I am a professional woman in my late 30s. I am single and childless — the latter by choice. My boss is the same age and the single mom of a preschool-aged child. She and I have the same level of education and ability, but she entered the industry years before I did and is above me on the corporate ladder. She is basically doing a full-time job working part-time hours. I find myself increasingly resentful that she works so much less than I do and yet earns more. We all work from home. She comes online around 9:15 or 9:30 a.m. after dropping her kid at day care and leaves work at 4:30 p.m. to pick him up. She doesn’t work evenings or weekends. When her son is home during the day — on holidays, when sick, during COVID lockdowns — my boss is barely able to work. Her limited hours and many distractions don’t make my job impossible to do, but they definitely add challenges; she tends to be the bottleneck in terms of getting things done. I don’t think women should have to choose between motherhood and their careers. And yet I find myself bitter that I am prioritizing work more than my boss is. Is there another way I might reframe this situation for myself that will relieve me of some of my resentment and the guilt I feel about my lack of allyship toward women? <i><i>— ANONYMOUS</i></i></i>

A: I must ask: How do you know your boss works less than you do? Perhaps she works differently. Why are you so preoccupied with her work habits? Frankly, it sounds like your boss has healthy work-life boundaries. I do think the real issue here is your bitterness, to which you are entitled. The best reframing I can suggest is to stop obsessing over your boss’s work habits. Prioritizing work is your choice. It does not mean you get to be the boss. But I am certain your day will come. And I hope that, when it does, you’ll realize that there is more to life than work, that we can be good at our jobs without making our jobs the center of our lives, and that we all have complications that shape our work lives.

This article originally appeared in <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/16/business/roxane-gay-work-advice.html">The New York Times</a>.