Satire: Irksome People on Our Highways

These people grind my gears.

Hidden motorcyclePhoto byCartoon by Lambert-King

When I’m not shaking my fist at kids in my yard, I’m griping about other drivers or pedestrians on the road. Honestly, some of these people are really hard to deal with.

First on my list are people on motorcycles and bicycles. While some of these folks abide by the rules of the road, many don’t. I’ve seen various campaigns imploring drivers to watch out for motorcycles. That’s a good piece of advice.

Motorcyclists can be seen pretty much everywhere on the highway. Sometimes they can’t be seen in those same places. To begin with, motorcycles are inherently harder to see than cars. They’re just that much smaller.

Motorcycles can also be seen in places where they shouldn’t be. Places like between lanes of traffic in a traffic jam and on top of your car.

I agree with the concept of watching out for motorcycles, but that is a two-way street. It would be nice if motorcycle riders didn’t seem to be doing a rogue version of Death Wish 75.

Another annoying driver on the road is the person who acts like his car will catch cooties from other cars. At various times, I’ve been caught in a long line at a stoplight, and the car ahead of me is 30 feet behind the car ahead of them. If I can’t make it through the next green light, the problem is obvious.

If a driver is afraid his car will catch cooties from other cars, put a mask on it.

Another group of annoying drivers is the one who doesn’t use their turn signals. I’m not sure what the rationale is on that. Do these guys like to use the element of surprise when they’re driving?

It seems like some drivers consider it a sign of weakness to use a turn signal.

Drivers that don’t use turn signals are like baseball pitchers who don’t want to tip their next pitch. Of course, pitchers decrease the likelihood of getting hit by not telegraphing their intentions. Drivers who don’t use signals actually increase their chances of getting hit.

Then there’s the guy who can’t talk and drive at the same time. You can see his head turned towards the passenger blabbing away, as he moving at 20 mph, tying up a lane of traffic. Talking and driving is roughly the equivalent of walking and chewing gum at the same time. If a person can’t do those things, I’m not sure they need to be driving.

And then there’s the old coot who uses his turn signal, but forgets to turn it off. His intentions are a perpetual mystery. Why is this clown even on the road? He’s probably a silver alert waiting to happen.

Whoops! That’s me. Never mind.