Preventing child sexual abuse: Some tips for parents

A mother of several young children recently shared a humorous anecdote about bath time with her kids. As each child finished their bath, their dad stood by with towels, ready to assist.

However, their youngest, a 23-month-old toddler decided to dash past her dad in her birthday suit. As her dad reached out to tap her bottom, the toddler exclaimed, "No, Daddy, that's private!" Her mom chuckled and told her husband, "My work here is done."

While this mom momentarily celebrated her toddler’s boundary-setting, she also knows that safeguarding her from potential dangers, including child sexual abuse, is only beginning.

In previous generations, parents had little awareness about the threat of child sexual abuse, let alone knowledge of prevention methods — it was simply not discussed. Today, while this crime still largely remains shrouded in secrecy, parents have access to valuable information and resources to protect their children.

The following strategies, compiled from various sources, are commonly recommended.

• Educate yourself. Learn about child sexual abuse, including who perpetrates it and the methods like grooming and testing behaviors that they use. Remember, around 90% of child sexual abuse victims know and trust their abuser — 60% of abusers are acquaintances and 30% are family members. Up to 40% of abusers may be under 18. While most are men, cases involving women may be underreported.

• Establish personal boundary rules with your child. Emphasize that nobody, not even a family member, has the right to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Start teaching these rules early and reinforce that your child's body belongs to them.

• Set specific rules: No one should look at, take pictures of, or touch their private parts. Also, no one should ask them to look at, touch, or take pictures of someone else's private parts, or show them pictures of private parts.

• Talk to your child about their private parts. Start early and explain to small children that these are the parts of their body covered by a swimsuit. Teach them the following names: nipples, breasts, bottom, penis, testicles, vulva, vagina and anus. Demonstrate comfort discussing these parts to show it's OK, making reporting abuse more comfortable for them.

• Teach kids to recognize, report and refuse unsafe situations. Practice recognizing rule violations through regular "what if" questions. Encourage prompt reporting to a trusted adult, reassuring them it's not their fault if rules are broken. Help children refuse unwanted touches with assertive responses like "Stop that," "I'm not allowed to play touching games," or "No, I have a safety rule that doesn’t allow that."

• Establish an "Always Ask First" rule with your kids. This means they should always seek your permission before anyone gives them something, takes them somewhere, or does something with them. As they grow older, it transitions into a "Check In" rule.

• Establish a "no secrets" policy. Differentiate between surprises and secrets, stressing that any secret violating safety rules for private body parts should never be kept. Remind you child regularly not to keep unsafe secrets and assure them you will always believe them, even if it involves someone they know. Teach them to confide in a trusted adult about any issues related to touching or sexual abuse, no matter how long it's been happening. Stress that it's never too late to disclose these problems and urge them to persist in seeking help until they get it.

• Use everyday moments. Use everyday interactions like bath time and bedtime stories to discuss safety and reinforce important safety concepts.

• Communicate with your child. Foster an environment where children feel comfortable discussing any concerns, especially those related to sexual abuse. Be open about the topic and encourage dialogue.

• Establish trust. Create a safe space for children to share their feelings and experiences without fear of blame or judgment. Assure them that they can always turn to you for support.

• Empower your child. Teach your child assertiveness skills and reassure them that it's OK to speak up if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Encourage your child to trust their instincts to leave an uncomfortable situation and tell you about it.

• Be available. Create one-on-one time with your child where they feel heard and supported.

• Show interest in you child's daily life. Engage in conversations about their day-to-day activities and relationships. Know your child's social circle. Understand who they spend time with, both peers and adults. Ask about classmates, friends' parents, and other individuals they interact with, like teammates or coaches. Initiate discussions about these people to make your child feel at ease sharing information with you.

• Choose caregivers carefully. Screen caregivers diligently and ensure they provide a safe environment for your child.

Monitor online activity. Supervise internet usage, educate kids about online safety, and use parental controls. Maintain open communication about potential dangers and know the internet access policy wherever your child goes.

By proactively engaging in these strategies, parents and family members can play a crucial role in protecting kids from the devastating effects of sexual abuse.

For more information visit RAINN (www.rain.org), Early, Open, Often (www.earlyopenoften.org), and Stop It Now! (www.stopitnow.org).