I recently spoke with a woman who, like many survivors of child sexual abuse, advocates for others who have experienced similar trauma.
Drawing from her own experiences and the clarity of adulthood, the woman stressed the importance of recognizing the signs of child sexual abuse and requested that I share information about this to assist parents.
This column explores the physical, emotional, and behavioral effects of child sexual abuse, and offers guidance on how to respond if you suspect a child may be a victim.
Recognizing signs of child sexual abuse can be challenging as they may not always be obvious, and some signs might overlap with other issues or be absent altogether.
Given this, the mother of the above-mentioned survivor stressed the importance of trusting one's instincts. If something feels off or someone in a child's life raises concerns, even if the reasons aren't clear, it's crucial to trust your gut, continue to observe for signs of abuse, and to talk to your child.
Physical signs for children and teens include:
• Presence of sexually transmitted infections.
• Unexplained bruising, bleeding, or trauma to the genital area.
• Bloodstains on sheets, underwear, or clothing.
Behavioral signs for children and teens include:
• Excessive talk or knowledge of sexual topics beyond their age.
• Keeping secrets or being overly secretive.
• Withdrawal or sudden reluctance to be alone with specific individuals.
• Regressive behaviors such as bedwetting or thumb sucking.
• Overly compliant behavior.
• Oppositional behavior.
• Showing inappropriate sexual behavior for their age.
• Spending an unusual amount of time alone.
• Avoiding situations requiring changing clothes or bathing.
• Changes in eating habits, such as sudden weight loss or gain.
• Falling grades.
• Drinking or drug use.
• Changes in self-care.
• Self-harming behavior,.
Emotional signs for children and teens include:
• Mood swings, increased aggression, or depressive symptoms.
• Decreased confidence, self-esteem, or self-image.
• Anxiety, excessive worry, or fearfulness.
• Unexplained health problems like stomach aches or headaches.
• Loss of interest in school, activities, or friends.
• Nightmares, fear of being alone, or self-harming behaviors.
• Expressing thoughts about suicide or suicide behavior.
If your child shows one or more of these signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve experienced sexual abuse. Your child’s behavior can change for many reasons, but it’s important to consider sexual abuse as a possibility. Keep in mind that most that people who sexually abuse children are most often family members or people you and your child know well.
If you suspect abuse, talk to your child in a non-threatening environment where the child is more likely to be open with you. Choose a comfortable time and place. Use a casual tone, and ask open-ended questions, like, ”Has anyone made you feel uncomfortable?” Listen attentively and avoid blame or judgment, and reassure the child that they’re not at fault.
The conversation may be hard for your child, so be patient. And above all, if your child tells you they have been sexually abused, believe them and tell them so.
To learn more about how to have this conversation and about being a parent to a child who has experienced sexual abuse, visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at www.rainn.org.
Prepare to report sexual abuse by taking a few important steps. First, ensure your child is in a safe environment. Inform the child that you will be seeking help without their permission, emphasizing that it's for their safety. If you are not concerned that the parents are causing harm, you can consult with them prior to making a report to the authorities.
Finally, prepare your thoughts, as you'll likely be asked for identifying information and details about the abuse when making the report. Report child sexual abuse to your county’s department of social services. It’s required by North Carolina’s mandatory reporting law, NCGS § 7B-301.
When reporting, explicitly communicate any concerns you have for the child’s safety to the authorities. You don't need proof, just reasonable cause to suspect maltreatment.
And you don’t need anyone’s permission to file. Don't hesitate to report, as acting in good faith protects you from liability under the law.
There are several organizations that can help you before and/or after reporting. The Childhelp National Abuse Hotline provides 24/7 crisis counseling and assistance throughout the reporting process. It can be reached at 800-422-4453.
Locally, the Albemarle Hopeline’s Crisis Line provides 24/7 help for people trying to escape assault and abusive relationships. Their number is 252-338-3011.
Kids First, Inc., our local accredited child advocacy center in Elizabeth City, offers medical/forensic evaluations, therapy, advocacy and support services. It can be reached at 252-338-0879.
After reporting, it's important to be prepared for the process that follows. Investigations into cases of sexual abuse may not yield immediate results, so patience is key. Follow up with authorities as needed and stay informed about the progress. If possible, maintain your support for the child, as your continued presence can be invaluable during this challenging period.
Lastly, prioritize self-care and acknowledge the emotional toll of reporting sexual abuse. Taking care of yourself ensures you can continue providing support to the child and navigate the aftermath of the report effectively.
Recognizing the signs of child sexual abuse, trusting your instincts, believing the child, and taking action may very well change the course of a child's future.
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