Early bird or night owl: which one are you?

There are many traits that set people in this world apart and make each of us unique.

But I believe all 8 billion of us can be lumped into two categories regardless of all other differences. All of us are either early birds or night owls. You either rise with – or even before – the sun, or you stay awake well beyond the midnight hour.

These days, I am firmly entrenched in the early-riser camp. I get up at 5 a.m. on weekdays, sit in the dark with a cup of coffee and ease into the early hours of dawn. On weekends, I “sleep in” until somewhere around 6:45 to 7:30. If I wake up any later than 8, I already feel like I’m wasting my day.

But I wasn’t always an early bird – far from it. My first year out of college, I worked the late shift at a local pizza joint. My night started at 10 p.m. and I typically didn’t hit the hay until 2 or 3 a.m. I waited until noon to rise and shine and ate my breakfast cereal when most of the professional world was midway into their lunch break.

Looking back, the night life was glorious. I loved driving home from work on virtually empty roads – in Bend! – and hitting the snooze button while everyone else went to work or school was sickly satisfying.

But nothing lasts forever, and I finally had to leave the pizza gig behind and get “a real job” and start waking up at the same time as the rest of the productive world. Was it painful? Sure. But I eventually learned to love sunrises and wearing pajamas after dinner. Next thing I knew, I was yawning and staring blurry-eyed at the clock every evening counting down the seconds until 8 p.m. when I could finally climb under the covers for the night.

Little did I realize that my life in both the early-bird and night-owl world was preparing me, conditioning me for the next phase of my life – parenthood. Nothing spurs sleep deprivation quite the same way as a helpless infant and their chaotic internal clock. And I was prepared – I could live the early bird and night owl lifestyle on a daily basis! What a thrill! … zzzzzz …

As grueling a schedule as it was, life has a funny way of evening things out. My kiddos finally developed a reasonable sleep schedule (in fits and starts) and now that they are in their teens, it seems I have been given an opportunity for sweet revenge. You see, psychologists have discovered that when children are young, they are more apt to wake up early and go to bed early, but when they reach the teen years, their Circadian clock shifts ahead a few hours, and they suddenly want to sleep late and go to bed late.

My kids have followed this physiological discovery to the letter, so I now have the perverse pleasure of ripping them from their peaceful slumber every morning the same way they did to me years ago. If it was up to them, they would sleep until noon (honestly, who does that?), so it is up to me to make sure they start the day at a reasonable hour.

This should be easy. They should be able to set an alarm and respond to it accordingly. But if parenthood has taught me a cruel lesson, it’s that things rarely happen the way they should. My children could set alarms that rival the ear-piercing volume of air ride sirens and still sleep through it – “I had this weird dream about a big air raid last night!” On second thought, there are two other camps all people fall into – those who wake up to the sound of pin drop and those who could sleep through a volcanic blast outside their open window.

Anyway, my wife and I now find ourselves in continual schedule conflict with our kids – us trying to live the early bird life and them embracing the night owl lifestyle. And after giving the matter a lot of thought, I have reached the conclusion that, as always, us parents know best. Who better to decide, right – we’ve done the early bird and night owl thing and can objectively compare the pros and cons of each one.

Plus, wise old sayings clearly support the merits of the early bird approach. “The early bird get the worm.” “Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I defy you to find any such adages for night owls.

So, there you have it, a well-researched and well-reasoned conclusion that it’s better to rise early, enjoy a majestic sunrise, enjoy your morning coffee and savor the a.m. hours. And with that, it’s time to wrap this column up. The sun is setting – it’s almost bedtime.