Do Grandkids Grow Up Too Fast?

As writer Donna Brody’s seven grandchildren begin reaching adolescence, she’s filled with sadness that they grow up too fast. But a little research gives her a new perspective on their age, the phrase, and modern life for the new generation.

It seems like yesterday our house was bursting with babies and toddlers. Anytime our children visited, high chairs, baby gates, portable cribs, strollers, and car seats were everywhere. The chaos was glorious, and though we were exhausted when everyone left, my husband and I couldn’t have been happier. This month our oldest grandson, Ben, turned 12. His cousin, Parker, will hit that milestone in June. Our three middle grandkids are 9- and 10- year-olds, and the two littlest boys are 6 now. Unless something unforeseen happens, all the baby apparatus is gone for good.

As I approach a milestone birthday of my own, these changes in my grandchildren only magnify my sense of time passing way too quickly. I am one of those people who still have a few baby outfits from my own children tucked away in the attic, as if that will help preserve memories I don’t want to fade. My computer is overloaded with photos of us holding newborn grandbabies, pushing toddlers on swings and slides, watching T-ball and soccer games, and celebrating countless birthdays.

Last summer when my grandson, Jack, turned from 5 to 6, I pleaded with him to please stop growing up. He looked at me in complete surprise since his birthday was all he had been talking about for weeks. His older sister, Sydney, a little hurt, chimed in and said, “How come you never said that to me?” Actually, according to teacher Lillie Marshall of Teaching Traveling , the remark that they grow up too fast is not necessarily a good thing for any child to hear.

“You might want to think twice about saying something like ‘kids grow up too fast’ the next time you encounter a young child gaining on you in height and advancing in years,” says Marshall.

Reasons she gives are that it might imply, sadly, that you haven’t been around the child enough (sometimes through no fault of your own – like living in a different state) or simply that you haven’t been paying attention and appreciating the stages they have been going through. It also “subverts the reality that every phase of development is important,” she says. You don’t want your grandchild to get the impression you enjoyed them more as a baby than you do now. Finally, says Marshall, this type of statement might also tell them you want to continue to exert power over them instead of seeing them grow and achieve.

The world these children are growing up in is vastly different from the one my husband and I and our siblings experienced. I often worry about dangers amplified on the internet or on TV and have nightmares about my grandchildren encountering them.

Multigenerational games for fun times together

On the other hand, some studies indicate that despite the internet and social media, children are actually hitting adult milestones later than their parents or grandparents did. For example, most people born in the 1950s and ’60s came from larger families and received less attention from their parents, started work earlier, were drafted into the military, spent less time on higher education, and married younger.

In a BBC article , writer Katie Bishop quotes Shelley Pasnik, senior vice president and director of a research group at the Education Development Center in New York: “The basic stages of children’s development aren’t changing,” says Pasnik. “The external world is constantly shifting, but children’s cognitive and emotional milestones stay the same.”

Citing research from Jean Twenge in her 2017 book “iGen,” Bishop’s article continues: “Today, in an age of low birth-rates and high life-expectancies, children tend to be closer to their parents and grow up in a safer environment, and thus can mature more slowly. This means that they aren’t pushed towards independence in the same way that children growing up in a fast maturation environment – what previous generations experienced – might be.”

While technology and use of social media can lead to new dangers like online bullying or exposure to adult situations, says Jenkins, technology also offers benefits such as greater access to knowledge and social connections (especially for youth in remote areas or in minority groups).

In the end, it might be wiser to stop worrying that my grandchildren grow up too fast and instead enjoy their current accomplishments. Because of the internet, I receive email messages from my grandkids and enjoy video calls from their tablets. Weeklong sleepovers are now possible, and two grandsons may soon fly across the country on their own for a visit.

“Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the rituals we enjoyed when our grandchildren were little,” says writer Donne Davis on her blog, GaGa Sisterhood . “We want to hold on to those precious connections, as if that will help stop time.”

Related: Engaging with grandchildren in the kitchen, for all ages

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