Oracle of Ybor: My good friend is an alcoholic, but how do I help?

Dear Oracle,
I have a long-time friend who I love very dearly. I’ve known them for decades and have celebrated many of life’s milestones with them. But, as we age, they’ve developed into a full-blown alcoholic. Sometimes, spending time with them is great; sometimes, it’s draining. When I invite them out, I don’t know if they’ll show up drunk or sober. I worry about their health and their driving. Their drinking has already affected their life, but I don’t see them quitting, even if things get dire. What should I do? —Worried Old Timer

Cards: The Sun, Six of Pentacles (reversed), Nine of Swords (reversed), Ace of Pentacles

Dear Worried,

Before I get into the cards, I want to thank you for trusting me with your question and to tell you that I’m sorry for what you and your friend are both going through. I understand that you are trying to support your friend, but if you need support as well, there are groups like Al-Anon or Smart Recovery for Families (stylized “SMART”) that may be helpful to you.

The first card of the spread is a Major Arcana, The Sun. With the image of a babe on a horse, it can be a card about unconditional love. To love your friend through this journey is a complicated thing. In 12-step, there is a lot of talk about enabling and accountability, and sometimes, “unconditional love” and “boundaries” feel like concepts in opposition. They aren’t—but it is a fine needle to thread.

Your friend might feel attacked if you bring up their drinking, which may cause them to shut themselves off from you and others out of shame. There are ways to talk to your friend about their drinking that come from a place of love and non-judgment, which may help them feel supported in making a change.
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They know it’s out of hand. With the Nine of Swords reversed, they’ve known for a long time and they have felt anxious and chained to this problem. The reversed Six of Pentacles may be pulling double duty here. It may be that your friend doesn’t feel like they have anyone to share their life with or anyone who knows them deeply. (They may also not have the funds for a treatment program.)

With the Six of Pentacles, I would encourage you to be generous with your friend, specifically when it comes to mercy and grace. I think that they want to break free of those chains, and the Ace of Pentacles suggests that they’re aware of the responsibility and hard work that’s required. But The Ace is also a card of hope for new opportunities, which suggests that your friend might be willing to really try and change.

I know how complicated it is to watch someone you love suffer like this. It can feel like you’re trying to save them in spite of their best efforts. Again, I would suggest something like Al-Anon that can help guide you on how to address this with your friend and avoid enabling. (And give more detailed, practical advice and strategies than tarot can provide.) This is an incredibly hard situation, and I honestly hope for the best for both you and your friend.

Dear Oracle,

My husband is currently looking for a job. Even though anyone can see that he’s a strong candidate, he doesn’t believe it. Instead, he tends to overthink things and spiral with anxiety, even at the application stage. He keeps freaking himself out. What should he keep in mind as he moves forward? —Stop the Spiral

Cards: The Hermit, Death, Nine of Wands (reversed), Judgement

Dear STS,

While this question seems like a small one, the three Major Arcana showing up suggest that the new job and the anxiety are actually huge issues that need to be addressed. These cards speak to both issues in a way.

For the anxiety, we have the all-knowing Hermit who recognizes the weight that this is putting on him. The Hermit is someone who can examine their life without bias and who can truly see themselves as they are. This is an excellent position to be in if you want to make a change. With Death—the Great Ender—comes the absolutely powerful force to end old habits and clear away the refuse to make way for the new. The Nine of Wands is an exhausted but hopeful card of change, often a positive one, and can be that light at the end of the tunnel that motivates someone out of the darkness. And with Judgement, we have rebirth and ascension. Your husband can absolutely conquer his anxiety disorder.

As someone with her own anxiety disorder, I’m personally a fan of professional counseling, no-nonsense pharmaceuticals, and mindful coping strategies, but, hey, he knows himself. He can choose a path forward that speaks to him.

As for a new job, these cards, to me, suggest a career pivot. The Hermit himself is open to divine intervention, which could mean your husband feels called to something else. Death would be the end of the career path he knew, the Nine of Wands would be the “happy warrior” energy of throwing yourself into something difficult in order to reach a better goal, and then Judgement would be arriving at what he truly feels is his calling. He would be reborn into his new job.

Both of these would require some major changes in his life, and major changes require major support. This might look like financial support, emotional support, or (most likely) a combination of both. As for an order of operations, it’s up to y’all. It might be easier to tackle anxiety first so that he can be open to new jobs, but a new job might mean better health insurance should he go the therapy route.

Regardless, both of these things will take time. The Major Arcana plays the long game. But these are both worthy pursuits that will pay off at some point.

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