Staying Positive Amid Complex Emotions
- Welsh playwright and screenwriter Abi Morgan, 56, has opeend up about her 2019 breast cancer diagnosis, which led her to undergo chemotherapy and a mastectomy. She battled her disease as her husband, actor Jacob Krichefski, developed encephalitis (inflammation of the brain), went into an induced coma for six months, and coped with Capgras syndrome when he came out of the coma.
- Challenging oneself, like Morgan who continued to write amid her and her husband’s health struggles, can actually help people facing cancer, chronic disease, or other problems to develop resilience, which is an essential coping tool. However, it’s important to understand that rest and recover is also a huge part of getting through tough times.
- Dr. Samantha Boardman tells SurvivorNet that the process of pushing oneself to try new things is one of the “three wellsprings of vitality.” The other two are connecting with others and contributing to the lives of people around you. “Those are the cores of vitality, and the core pathways to enhance your everyday resilience,” Dr. Boardman says.
Welsh playwright and screenwriter Abi Morgan, 56, known for her work on drama films "Shame," "The Iron Lady," and the two-part special "The Split Barcelona," has opened up about her recent battle with breast cancer, a disease she was diagnosed with 2019, which led her to undergo chemotherapy and a mastectomy. Morgan, a BAFTA and Emmy Award winner, recently created the upcoming limited series "Eric" on Netflix, starring actor Benedict Cumberbatch, and spoke with the
Guardian on the success she's achieved and the resilience both her and her husband, actor Jacob Krichefski, have had amid their health struggles. The mom of two not only had to see her husband develop encephalitis (inflammation of the brain), followed by him going into an induced coma for six months, but she also had to cope with him having Capgras syndrome when he came out of the coma. As per the National Insititutes of Health, Capgras syndrome (CS) is a delusional misidentification syndrome, "characterized by a false belief that an identical duplicate has replaced someone significant to the patient." And throughout it all, Morgan was diagnosed with breast cancer.
She recounted to the Guardian that her diagnosis led her to realise, "You just can’t control every element of your life. You can do your best. It’s the old adage, it’s not what knocks you down, it’s how you pick yourself up. "It’s such a f**king challenge. I realized that’s going to be better armor than being constantly vigilant about what’s going to knock me down." Her experience had some influence into writing "Eric," as she admitted, "There’s a genuine quest at the heart of this show, which is to go out there and find a resolution. The cops are doing that, the father’s doing that. It’s about resilience. Taking someone in the heart of the crisis and then have them pull themselves out of the mud." Netflix describes "Eric" as being about a "desperate father, alongside a tenacious cop, battles his own demons on the streets of 1980s New York as he searches for his missing nine-year-old son." As for her cancer journey, Morgan revealed she's never felt so "humiliated" and "humbled down to my absolute roots." She said, "If you have breast cancer and you have your breasts removed and you have that scar: it’s writ large on me, and now I look at it and I both love it and hate it. It’s the absolute mark of my vulnerability and then the absolute affirmation of my survival."
Morgan also recently penned a letter about her cancer journey on
Net-A-Porter , writing, "Dear Breasts, my left in particular. I’m sorry we had to separate. I never wanted to split you up. But cancer is a cruel mistress. Yes, it used to help me to think of the Big C as a dame. Somehow, if she was a woman, I was under the misguided belief I could reason, placate, negotiate with my fate, to save you. But, strong, voracious, ripping through every cell, cancer is, I came to realize, sexless, godless, indiscriminate and unrelenting." She continued, "Standing in an Italian field with the sun on my face, in the days before I knew of cancer’s arrival, I felt as though a horse in a high heel had kicked me in the chest. Sharp. Throbbing. Incessant. Even then you were defiant, sending out a signal, asking for help, hoping I would hear you, feel your pain. I did. I cupped you. I caressed you. I searched for the pea-like lump I had been told would be a sign. "I didn’t know a tumor could also be a grape. A lime. A lemon. In my left breast, six centimeters in diameter, it was strangling you to death. Lying on my front with you both suspended in mirrored boxes, we glided into the MRI together, listening to the magnet’s repetitive clang. I prayed to a god, who I did not believe existed, to save you. But mainly I prayed that if it took you, to save me. I am sorry. Thank you for your sacrifice."
Sometimes Bad Things Happen — Enjoying Life, Even With Cancer Morgan recounted doing daily exercises as she attempted to grow more comfortable in her new body, adding, 'Fashion, culture, commerce is built around two breasts. Daily, I stand defiant, opening my arms to this new aesthetic. Yet the slap of the silicone prosthetic as it lands on my desk, pulled from my bra when I am tired of the ache in my neck, is no substitute for you, my friend. They say we come into this world alone and go out alone. But we come into the world with this, our beautiful body. Imperfect, often criticized, disliked, and berated, forced to fit a beauty standard that makes a mockery of us all. How I regret my lack of appreciation. My cruelty when you softened and drooped with age. If I could hold you again, feel the weight of you in my palm, I would have loved you more.
RELATED: 10 Years After Preventive Mastectomy, Angelina Jolie, 47, Marks Mom’s Death From Cancer With Moving Message to Get Mammograms "And yet, though grief may still come in waves, there are also gifts. A newfound appreciation for science, for medicine, for the National Health Service, much abused and neglected but determined in its ability to save. The brilliance of minds, and the care of those who fought for my life as if it was their own. I am stronger, more powerful, more loving, and willing to be loved. When life becomes fragile, you learn acutely what to hold on to and what to let go of. A defiance, to truly live in the now, not the whimsy of a platitude writ on a T-shirt or Instagram post, but a determination to give heart and mind to each new day." Despite the cancer fight she endured, Morgan remains grateful to be alive, and concluded, "I take the blessings where I can. I am sorry I could not save you, but I am forever grateful that your loss meant I lived."
How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term Expert Resources On Thriving Amid Adversity
As for what helped her through the arduous times, Morgan credits communication, "When you’re telling stories, you’re bridging yourself back to yourself, but also to other people, to the world," according to the Guardian.
Staying Positive Despite Adversity
We admire Abi Morgan for maintaining gratitude and positivity throughout her recent cancer journey and her husband's health battle, which is why we’d like to point out how
SurvivorNet specializes in covering the lives of people who overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Often, seeing the positive helps them maintain their resilience.
WATCH: Defining and Building Resilience Dr. Zuri Murrell , an oncologist at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, previously spoke to
SurvivorNet about the role of a positive outlook on survival rates, saying, “I’m pretty good at telling what kind of patient are going to still have this attitude and probably going to live the longest, even with bad, bad disease. And those are patients who, they have gratitude in life.” Resilience is an important trait, but not the easiest to build. The ultimate goal is not to avoid tough times, but to be able to bounce back from them. And yet, when they are faced with an overwhelming, life-changing situation, how do people shift their view? How do they learn to see the problem as temporary, rather than permanent, and figure out a solution? It’s complicated, because building resilience is more about your mental and emotional fortitude than anything else. According to the
American Psychological Association , "the resources and skills associated with more positive adaptation (i.e., greater resilience) can be cultivated and practiced.” In other words, resilience is not something you’re born with, which should be encouraging. Instead, after every challenge in your life, you build more and more resilience to those hard times. You can build resilience the way you build muscle – through patience and steady exercise of the skill. Here are some lessons taken from Fischer, Runkel, and Soller, all who have spoke with SurvivorNet in earlier interviews.
- Be willing to learn. If one way doesn’t work, find a different way. If an obstacle lands in your way, build a path around it or over it. In Resilience, one of the athletes says, “You always have to be learning. Otherwise, life gets stagnant.” The more you learn, the more you grow and growth is a sign of resilience.
- Spend time with people who inspire you. Our world is filled with people who overcome challenges, and their success can energize you to overcome your own. Think about famous people who have faced adversity and did not give up Stephen King actually threw his manuscript, Carrie, in the trash because it had been rejected by publishers so many times. His wife encouraged him to keep sending it out, and he finally sold it in 1974 launching a massively successful career as a novelist. Take the time to read and learn about the lives of Helen Keller, Jackie Robinson, Bethany Hamilton, Nelson Mandela, and others.
- Allow yourself to grieve. Don’t push away or dismiss your frustration and sadness. Ben Fischer says that life can be filled with lots of crying, but “Those cries make us stronger.”
- Be flexible. Abandon the idea that there is only one solution or that you must stick to your original plan. The best solution or plan is the one that eventually works. You may need to change your original plan as the circumstances change.
- Lean in to your community. Your friends, colleagues, and family are invaluable, and when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed by a problem, their support can carry you. The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest study of human well-being. Many news outlets have covered its results, which show that maintaining strong, healthy relationships helped people live longer lives. Psychiatrist and author Dr. Samantha Boardman tells SurvivorNet that connecting with and contributing to the lives of other people are two of “the three wellsprings of vitality” (the third is feeling positively challenged).
What to Know About Breast Cancer Screening
As for breast cancer screenings, a
mammogram is the primary test doctors use to check for breast cancer. The wide consensus is that women should have annual mammograms between the ages of 45 and 54. And while leading organizations like the American Cancer Society say women should have the option to begin
annual screenings between 40 and 45 , there is some disagreement among doctors as to whether this is beneficial.
RELATED: When Should You Consider a Mastectomy? For example, after saying for years that women shouldn’t begin mammograms until 50, an independent panel of experts called the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recently changed their guidelines to say that women of
average risk should begin at 40. Dr. Connie Lehman, a diagnostic radiologist who specializes in breast cancer at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, says when you begin mammograms is a decision you should discuss with your doctor, as they can help you understand your specific circumstances and weigh the benefits and
potential risks of earlier screening. Follow That Fire: Life After Cancer Will be Different, That Doesn’t Have to be a Bad Thing Your mammogram results may lead your doctor to recommend further testing with a diagnostic mammogram, ultrasound, or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). If these tests suggest changes that might be cancer, you’ll need a biopsy a test in which your doctor removes a small sample of tissue and has it checked for cancer in a lab. Only a biopsy can confirm or rule out whether you have breast cancer. Although it can be frightening to go through breast cancer testing, SurvivorNet’s doctors say not to fret. It’s possible for a biopsy to find that a lump is benign or not cancerous. If you do receive a breast cancer diagnosis, you’ll learn what type of breast cancer you have and the stage of the disease. The stage means how far in your body the cancer has spread.
WATCH: Accepting Yourself After Cancer Though most breast cancers are not linked to inherited genetic mutations, knowing whether you have a mutation could affect the type of treatment you get. SurvivorNet experts recommend all women who are diagnosed with breast cancer be
given genetic testing. Based on your test results, preferences, and personal circumstances (such as your age), you and your doctor will make decisions about how to proceed with treatment, which we have
plenty of expert resources on. RELATED: SurvivorNetTV Presents: ‘Resilient’ Never Sell Yourself Short, You're Stronger Than You Know Answering Your Questions About Breast Cancer
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff 
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