Single Motherhood is Nothing to Fear—Tahiry Jose Speaks on Keeping Her Options Open Through Freezing Her Eggs

Pursuing a route of parenthood is one of the most beautiful experiences life has to offer. While it may not be for everyone, the help of modern science and lessened stigmas have opened up new opportunities for those looking to expand their family units.

In recent years, more Black women have considered egg freezing as a viable option to take control of their reproductive futures. The reasons for this choice vary from prioritizing their education and career advancement, financial stability, cultural perceptions, suitable partnership or other health considerations. Egg freezing, or oocyte cryopreservation, is a process where a woman's eggs are extracted, frozen and stored for future use. With Black women's bodily autonomy being a historic point of contention, it is refreshing that there are multiple channels that can be taken on the path to becoming a parent.

This knowledge prompted television personality Tahiry Jose to embark upon a journey of egg freezing. After first opening up about her decision to do so on At This Big Age —a podcast she co-hosts with lively professional dancer and choreographer D'Nay B—it is her hope that others can feel empowered to make the right decision for themselves.

EBONY: What does motherhood mean for you?

Tahiry Jose : Motherhood is the cherished chance to bring new life into the world and guide them towards becoming good people overall. It is a source of purpose and a means to leave a lasting legacy.

What was the moment that you decided to freeze your eggs?

You have to be careful about what you say because I feel like I manifested the idea of freezing my eggs. After a high-profile breakup, I found myself single at 30 and entering the dating world again. It was unfamiliar territory; I always thought I’d be married with kids by now. As I dated through my early 30s, things weren’t going as planned, but I was having too much fun to worry.

Every time I made a significant purchase, I’d remind myself about freezing my eggs, but I never took action. Then the pandemic hit. Like everyone else, I had to pause and reflect. The pandemic gave me a chance to slow down, prioritize and act on what truly mattered. The first seven days were the hardest because I had to do it all alone. I remember feeling overwhelmed, thinking about all the failed relationships and missed opportunities. I felt rushed and like I had failed.

But on the eighth day, something magical happened. I woke up and saw my body transforming. I was nurturing my eggs, protecting my future and legacy. I realized I was strong and capable. Women are magical. I completely shifted my mindset, turning my narrative from one of loneliness to one of strength. I decided not to be fearful and to share my story.

What misconceptions do you believe women have about egg freezing and family planning methods?

Two of the main misconceptions women have about egg freezing are: first, that it is too expensive and therefore only accessible to celebrities or the very wealthy. This belief discourages many women from considering it as a viable option for their reproductive planning. Second, there is a stigma that implies something is wrong with women who choose egg freezing, suggesting that they are failing by not conceiving in the "natural" way. This misconception easily makes women feel inadequate or abnormal for opting to preserve their fertility.

Why is it important to talk openly about differing motherhood journeys?

Sharing my story is important because it's a way to find like-minded individuals, build a supportive community, educate others and offer help. When I began my journey, I felt isolated and had little knowledge. However, once I started opening up, I discovered people who could guide me and provide valuable support along the way.

Why was it important for you to share your story on the podcast?

It is important to share this on the podcast to continue to build awareness. We need to educate ourselves on this topic, as there is a significant lack of knowledge and understanding. During my journey, I had to visit my doctor’s office every other day for three months, and I rarely saw other women who looked like me. It was uncommon to see women of color in the same situation. Often, this journey can feel lonely and frightening, but you are not alone. With a large platform, I feel a responsibility to share my experience in hopes of helping others who are going through the same thing. By doing so, I aim to provide support, foster community and encourage more open conversations about these experiences.

Why is motherhood important for you to experience?

I know it might sound a little crazy because some people don't want children, but I've always dreamed of having a big family. When I was younger, I wanted eight kids. I envisioned lively family reunions with kids running around and me joyfully managing the chaos. But here I am at 45, without a child or a husband. I’ve turned down three marriage proposals because finding the right person and situation is important. People are quick to judge and wonder what's wrong with me, but I made my choices, and I’m not sad about them at all.

Motherhood means everything to me. I believe women have a unique magic, and part of that is the ability to bring new life into the world. I've always wanted a little version of myself running around, with the same traits my mom used to comment on.

I want to experience the physical changes of pregnancy, the joy and the challenges that come with it. I don’t think my life will be complete if I don’t experience childbirth at least once. Realistically, given my age, I might only be able to experience it once, but I want to do it in a healthy way, within a healthy relationship.

How would you encourage other women who are considering motherhood and are researching methods to do so, such as egg freezing?

First and foremost, find a support group or an online community. Connecting with others who are considering family in a "non-traditional" way is super important. Secondly, I'd say seek multiple opinions. Get third and fourth opinions to ensure you find the right doctor, as this is one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. Last but not least, prioritize your mental health during this process. Find a good therapist to help you unpack and navigate everything because this will be an extremely emotional process.

Watch the full discussion of motherhood journeys on At This Big Age below: