New York military veteran comes out in obituary: ‘I was gay all my life’

A US military veteran who died earlier this month came out as gay in an obituary published after his death.

The obituary in the Albany Times-Union tells the story of Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan, a decorated army officer who served in the Vietnam war and was also a fireman in his hometown, Rensselaer, New York. He died on 1 June at the age 85.

In the obituary, Ryan added a note written in the first person just before his death: “I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life.”

Ryan, or “Uncle Ed”, as he was known to some, admitted to being “in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush”.

“He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong … I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay.”

Ryan said he did not come out sooner because he “was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers”.

“Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it,” he said.

The New York Times reported that Ryan showed the obituary to his niece Linda Sargent and her husband, Edward Sargent, a month before he died.

“Linda and I knew, you know what I mean? We never sat down and talked about it prior to that because my uncle was a private person. So we never broke that boundary. We knew, but we didn’t say anything,” Edward Sargent told the newspaper.

The revelation was met with a wave of support, with people from all over the world commenting on Ryan’s obituary.

One person wrote: “Many condolences and may you and Paul find eternal happiness together. Thank you for your service. I’m sorry you could never fully be yourself. Rest easy.”

“Rest in pride and power, Col. Ryan,” another person wrote.

Ryan is survived “by many nieces and nephews” and will be buried in Kinderhook, New York, next to his partner, Cavagnaro.

“Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace,” Ryan said.