Wrangling Writing: Slow burns vs “love at first sight”

GHENT, WV (WVNS) – Writers face a myriad of decisions when they put pen to paper. Not the least of which, for many writers, is what kind of romance their protagonist will be entangled in, if any.

The love interest plays a pivotal role in a protagonist’s journey and it often is more impactful than the reader may realize at first glance. Many times, the love interest plays the role of the damsel, but, literarily speaking, the love interest’s specific purpose is much deeper than that. They act as a catalyst for a change in the protagonist; the reason for whatever growth they face throughout their journey. Looking at it like that can help you, the writer, to illustrate the importance of such a character and show why they are more than just someone who can be thrown into or out of the story. Without the love interest character, a protagonist may never undergo the change needed for their epic journey. All of this is to say that approaching the romance within a story the right way, and considering what type of romance you want to write for that tale, is crucial.

That is part of the reason many writers find themselves debating over whether a slow burn romance or the trope of “love at first sight” fits their story best. Writers can spend hours agonizing over the idea that their readers or viewers have been overexposed to certain tropes, but, despite how many times someone sees a romance trope, many swear by them and their effectiveness. It can make or break a piece of media for some people.

The slow burn romance and the trope of “love at first sight” are both fairly widely used, splitting readers down the middle on how they feel about them. So, which is best? How do you know when to use each trope? How do you know if there is one you should never use? The answers are complicated at best.

As a writer and, perhaps more importantly, as someone who is generally a cynic when it comes to romance, the trope of “love at first sight” is a bit off-putting and dismissible to me. Many writers and readers find themselves feeling the same.

This instant love trope is generally portrayed as two individuals being destined to be together. In these stories, the primary obstacle is likely some force that is intent on keeping the two lovers apart. While this is a straightforward way to use the love interest to drive a change in the other character, it also presents the issue that one of your leading roles is going to constantly be playing second fiddle to the other. It is extremely rare that both characters are equally fleshed out in a situation like this.

Typically, you fall into a prince and princess type of role structure. The princess finds themselves trapped or captured, or somehow otherwise involuntarily engaged in some activity that stops them from taking charge of their own situation. Alternatively, the prince character is out in the world becoming brave and powerful and overcoming obstacles they otherwise would have never faced all in the name of love.

It leaves the character arc of the love interest character feeling hollow and incomplete. While they have driven your hero to grow as a person and to become more three dimensional, the audience now is left with only a shell of who this person is. This trope often leaves this character, the catalyst for the story most oftentimes, as repulsively stagnant. It frequently makes an audience view them as an unlikeable character, thanks in no small part to the lack of characterization and growth.

This type of romance also often doesn’t leave room for a character’s thoughts, opinions, and personality to play a part in the development of the feelings between the two characters. As the trope sort of implies, it is “love at first sight” which means no words have to be exchanged between the two of them for this romance to blossom. Their personalities are utterly pointless when it comes to them being meant for each other.

Another big factor when writing this trope is what message you are conveying with this type of romance. Often, the ending message in this kind of instant love situation is one of “love conquers all” as the two lovers rejoice in their supposed happily ever after. For many, it seems rather delusional to believe that true love alone can conquer armies or magical beings who have killed numerous people before these lovers happened into the path.

All of these points are important when considering “love at first sight.” They can be extremely problematic for writers. So then why include this trope at all?

Well, when considering writing a romance into your story, part of the problem is that a flowchart of things that make sense does not always work. Human emotion plays a big part in it and sometimes those do not follow logic. If you ask most people who like romance, even those who do not normally consume the “love at first sight” storylines, there is something inherently romantic about the idea of seeing someone across a room and feeling as though no one else is there but the two of you anymore, a love that burns through barriers because two individuals were destined for one another.

When reality seems glum and overwhelming, the simplicity of two people overcoming the impossible with only love as their weapon can inspire people to believe in a better future, and, at the end of the day, most people consume media as a form of escapism.

One book lover, Natasha Morgan, says she enjoys stories where the love is instantaneous for similar reasons.

“I enjoy [love at first sight and slow burn romances], but I think I’m more of an ‘instant love, can’t stand to be away from each other’ type of girl. I’ve always thought of that instant love connection as the spark between two people. To me, it’s how you know that no matter what the two of you face in the world, the love you have for one another will always be there at the end of the day to make everything okay,” says Morgan.

This speaks to what is so appealing about this trope to readers – the idea that someone is so enamored, so in love, that they will do anything to be with that person. It is something many readers envy and yearn for as they consume romantic media; a literal romanticizing of romance.

Other problems with the love at first sight trope are also things that can either be avoided or completely negated.

Take the issue of character development for example. While two characters who suffer from the “love at first sight” trope often fall into the power imbalance commonly demonstrated with the prince and princess roles, that does not have to be the case. The two characters could, for example, each be fighting separate forces while working equally to make their love work. Perhaps your princess character saved themselves from the initial issue early on and is now working to negate another issue from interfering with the couple’s lives while the prince character, who often takes the leading role, is dealing with what remains of the initial problem.

Also of note is that “love at first sight” does not really mean “love that lasts forever.” Maybe you write a “love at first sight” romance that ends with the characters realizing they just do not actually belong together. Romance enthusiasts may not be thrilled if you do this to the lovers that they have been cheering on through the whole story, but you could even make one of them tragically die or end up being just flat out horrible in the end. There is an endless list of ways to deal with the issues that are commonly a problem with this trope.

On the other side of the romantic spectrum, we have the sometimes maddening slow burn romance. The slow burn romance is exactly what it sounds like – it slowly builds up, the tension building between two characters, and oftentimes has neither admitting their feelings for quite a while.

Many writers and readers can probably immediately see one of the primary issues that people have with the slow burn trope. Crystal Poe, a reader, elaborated on this issue and her feelings about it.

“Sometimes slow burns are just too awkward. [Especially] when it’s just people who won’t communicate their feelings,” Poe said as she considered her preference of romance.

Slow burns often capitalize on the drama that these build-ups of tension can create. Oftentimes a writer will use a lack of communication to foster that drama, much to the chagrin of many audiences.

It is something that has had people romance enthusiasts screaming at books and TVs for quite a while now. This lack of communication or, even more likely, miscommunications are what drives the story to drama. However, these miscommunications can sometimes come off as cringe-inducing and unrealistic. This especially can happen if the writing of the situation is subpar.

Miscommunications especially can be a reason that those consuming the story just stop engaging with it. It is not exactly unheard of for someone to get frustrated with the characters in a story and just stop reading a book, watching a movie, or playing a game.

While that frustration is certainly a massive drawback for the slow burn romance, something they do have in their corner is a simple but very important element: time. Unlike most “love at first sight” stories, slow burns allow the audience to experience the character somewhat separately from the romance because their love is not defined by destiny and, thusly, is not their sole reason for existing.

A slow burn romance can include other tropes like the enemies-to-lovers trope, which will force the characters to win each other over before the romance actually happens, providing the audience the opportunity to get to know the characters better as individuals before they even dive into getting to know the lovers as a collective entity.

One romance enjoyer, Heidi Cork, spoke on this aspect of the slow burn romance in her experience.

“[The slow burn romance is] about the anticipation and the realistic chase for me. I like that slow burns build the relationship over time instead of just handing the romance to a character,” said Cork.

Also, the slow burn can highlight the fact that two people can be vastly different from each other despite their love. It provides a level of dynamics to the romance and to the characters that some readers would argue the “love at first sight” trope falls short on.

Turning back to the issues that this trope suffers from, we should also examine the moment when the lovers finally acknowledge their feelings and the audience receives that much anticipated payoff.

For many readers one of the worst offenses to a slow burn is when the writer deems it fit to “fade to black” or have the climax of all that romantic frustration happen “off camera.” Do not get this wrong – “off camera” does not just apply to movies. Gamers and readers also suffer from this.

Audiences can spend hours, maybe even days, reading a romance novel or playing a romance game, gasping at the subtle glances between the love interests and squealing at moments that build the frustration like antics that force the two to be closer than they would have anticipated, but then the author just decides that, at the best part, the moment when the two are about to have their first kiss or so on, that it is a great time to end the chapter or the scene, nestling the details between chapters without giving the audience, who has been foaming at the mouth for this moment for ages, any of the details. This is one misdeed that audiences pretty universally agree is one of the worst faux pas that a writer can succumb to.

After diving into a couple of the pros and cons of each type of romance (there are certainly far more pros and cons of each), a writer might feel nervous to include either, honestly. It can be daunting knowing that people look at these tropes and note so many issues.

There is the fear that one might not flesh out their characters enough with a “love at first sight” romance, but also the worry that they may frustrate their readers away from their works with a slow burn. Which do you include when each has what seems to be rather severe drawbacks? Do the pros of either outweigh the cons?

The simple answer is that, at the end of the day, it does not really matter. Almost every trope has been overused to the point that, generally, the audience will be able to recognize what you plan to do pretty early on (especially if you do not plan to alter the usual use of the trope). You likely are not going to surprise a reader who hates instant romances by creating the singular instance of the trope that they have ever enjoyed.

If you want to write a trope into your stories, you should do it. Despite it being common, it can still be well done. If you, as a writer, want to write about characters falling in love at first sight, you can still take steps to ensure it is well done. You can research the primary issues with a trope. We already know that the “love at first sight” trope often falls prey to sacrificing characterization for the sake of emphasizing how incomplete the characters are without one another. This is something that can be avoided in your writing if you are aware the problem exists. Two characters can be instantly in love in a story that also fleshes them out as separate individuals.

Conversely, while slow burns prey on miscommunications and the lack of communication at all, a writer can also build their characters in a way that this is not always a problem. The drama of a miscommunication often drives the plot of a slow burn along, but if that is what you want to write you can make the miscommunication something deeper than an easily resolved he-said-she-said situation that the two lovers could just ask each other about.

The good thing about writing is that it is a malleable medium no matter if you are writing for a book, a TV show, or even a video game. Writing any trope you want does not mean that you necessarily have to fall into the same habits as authors before you. Just like how our language evolves, so too does our ability to tell stories. If there is a problem, a little critical thinking and forethought in your craft goes a long way.

That said, if other people’s hang-ups of the tropes are part of the reason you love them (and that is the case for some people), there is also nothing wrong with writing the tropes as they are. “Love at first sight” romances, while not for everyone, are for some people.

There is a reason people are torn about which they prefer – there is an audience for both. Romance is highly subjective and what one person prefers, another may not, so, at the end of the day, neither trope is inherently bad or incorrect and each has its own audience that will support a well written story. It is more about writing for yourself, your audience, and your characters and going with what works there than meticulously overthinking every relationship.

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