Boredom is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Kids

As a kid in the ’80s, I don’t remember being bored. I didn’t think about the value of unstructured time for kids until decades later when I became a teacher. As an educator for the past 19 years, it’s been interesting to see children’s development in their social and emotional skills change because of the world around them.

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Over the years of teaching, the narrative of what weekends are supposed to look like or what summer is supposed to look like drastically changed. No longer is it enough to be involved in just one activity or sport . Kids are now involved in at least two, if not more — and many times, their weekends are busier than mine. We can argue and say kids need to stay busy because of their short attention span and we want to expose them to many different things for the purpose of self exploration and finding hobbies they are interested in pursuing. All these reasons are valid, and ones I agree with as an educator.

What is equally true, though, is the subtle danger of not knowing how much is too much. Is it possible to actually over-schedule your kids? And if this is possible, what are the consequences for their overall growth?

What I have seen in the classroom more and more often is the level of boredom kids get into and how dependent they are on someone orchestrating “fun” for them — usually an adult. Adults are concerned when kids get bored, and feel the need to get them out of that feeling. But there are benefits to allowing your kids to feel boredom. Use it as a teachable moment to ask what about this situation is boring for them, and what can they do about it? This question will slowly help them to identify the feeling, what they want to experience instead, and what they can do to make that change.

Boredom leads to what kids actually need, which is unstructured time. We think boredom means a need for more structure, more activities, but it’s the very thing that gets them bored quickly in the first place; kids are so dependent on these structures that when there is a moment of downtime, they are simply restless and don’t know what to do with it because it’s unfamiliar. They aren’t used to the freedom of choice and creation, and I think we can agree this is true for adults too. Kids need to know that there is nothing wrong with feeling bored. It is a normal human feeling.

Creating unstructured time can create room for creativity. Kids are already born creative. But it can often be muffled by being too busy, having too few chances to let the brain take a breather, and let the mind wander around.

Here are three simple ways to start creating some unstructured time for your kids this summer.

Take inventory of your current summer schedule .

How many activities, camps, or sports are your kids involved in? Is it at all possible to do one less activity, or adjust and actually schedule in “unstructured time”? Even with unstructured time, because we are used to overscheduling, has to be intentional — so it also needs to go on the calendar. I personally do this on my own calendar, literally penciling in “brain break”.

Mornings and bedtimes as play time.

Without the rush of getting ready for school, perhaps give your child 30 minutes or an hour (depending on your own constraints of time) to do whatever they want before starting the day. Anything. Read, play with their toys, draw, write, etc. Something they can do on their own without your help and guidance. No electronics. Starting or ending the day with doing one thing where they can let their brains rest helps their creative minds develop.

Unstructured family time.

Schedule at least once a week to gather in the same room; everyone can doing what they want on their own, but you’re all together. No electronics. This can be reading, drawing, finishing a project you have been wanting to work on, completing a puzzle, crafting, etc. If you’d rather do something together as a family, one person in the family can decide what they want to do with their family at that time. It doesn’t have to be planned out in advance.

And finally, I want to share some tips on making unstructured time fun and successful:

1. Do not judge what your child wants to do with their time . This is time for their brains to wander around and explore.

2. If they’re used to everything being planned for them, this is going to be challenging. Start with offering choices. Give them 3 choices of things they could do and have them pick. Choices make it less overwhelming .

3. Check in with your child . Your child may have enjoyed the piano or soccer, but they may not want to continue on. Check in and ask. Also, ask whether it feels like too much for them. Do they want a break?

In a culture where it feels like we aren’t doing enough as parents if our kids are not involved in everything under the sun, it’s understandable to feel the pressure. Think about the pressure your child might be feeling, too. It’s powerful when parents can start to practice that unstructured time IS productive —because doing something that feels creative and relaxing is a way to take care of our wellbeing. And the sooner we can give the gift of this knowledge to our children, the better off they’ll be.

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