A woman has just learned about her husband’s child and isn’t sure whether or not to take legal action.
In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit , the woman explained that one of her husband’s ex-girlfriends had shown up one day to let him know that they had a child together 13 years ago and now his daughter wants to get to know her father.
“They broke up right after high school and went to different unis. They were already broken up when she found out she was pregnant and since she wanted to go to med school, her parents offered to take care of the baby, but apparently banned her from telling my husband,” the Reddit post detailed.
His wife wrote that she supports her husband in having a relationship with his daughter, but she became concerned regarding her assets from the marriage going to his daughter.
“I came into this marriage with more assets, I earn more than him and financial stability is very important to me. The thought of something happening to him and losing part of my assets to his child terrifies me,” the Reddit poster explained.
This led to her wanting to sign a postnuptial or postnup agreement, which is the exact same thing as a prenup except it is signed after a marriage as opposed to before one.
However, her husband found it shocking that this was in her thoughts so soon after finding out about his daughter. “When I told this to my husband, he got very frustrated with me, saying that he just found out he has a daughter and he wasn’t in her life for the first 13 years,” she recalled.
“He is still in shock and one of the first things I do is come at him with a postnup, making it seem like I’m preparing to divorce him.”
She went on to clarify that she spent “two months being extremely supportive of him” throughout adjusting to the change and felt justified in her decision. “I don’t see why wanting peace of mind for myself is that bad, but one of my friends also said that I’m kind of an a**hole for bringing up a postnup and it’s not like my husband is likely to die anytime soon that makes me really need this,” the post ended, before asking for other people’s opinions.
Many people turned to the comments to explain why they thought the Reddit poster made the right decision, mentioning that paternity leads to extra expenses such as child support and inheritance that could involve her own finances, which she can protect if she wants to.
“I’m guessing you and your husband do not know much yet about the girl,” one comment began. “You do need to protect your assets. You do need to protect his assets so that you don’t become the main breadwinner supporting your household if a significant portion of his wages go to CS. You should discuss college. Financial support or no? Major medical decisions. How are they made? Who is financially and otherwise responsible? Does your husband want any custody or visitation?”
“It’s been two months. If your husband isn’t ready to discuss this stuff now, he’s not planning on facing it anytime soon. I’d file for divorce if he refuses to have a rational conversation and make a plan with an attorney, as he’d be putting your future financial security, and even just your peaceful home environment, at serious risk. You didn’t sign on for this, but it sounds like you’re willing to help him move forward with whatever he decides. He can, at least, be a grown-up and protect you in the process.”
Another commenter agreed, writing, “OP [original poster] needs to ensure everything is based on her husband and not joint income or assets. I think she’s smart for this. I think it’s important to do it quickly — I would ask for the same. I’m sure he was shell-shocked but so was she. We are talking paying for school, cars, college, insurance, etc. it’s important to get ahead of it.”
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