Dear Annie: Don’t call yourself a single parent unless you’re doing it alone

Dear Annie: Ten years ago, I became a single parent when my ex-husband, who had worked in the World Trade Center on 9/11, became addicted to drugs and alcohol. The love of my life became abusive toward me, threatened our young children and pets and refused treatment. After a lengthy and expensive court battle, I gained sole custody of our three children. I have financially supported them almost entirely alone since he is unable to hold a job.

I cringe when I hear married people call themselves “single parents” because their spouse works a lot, travels often or spends too much time on leisure. It is offensive and minimizes my experience.

Can you please remind your readers that single parents run a home themselves, wipe their children’s tears alone, hold down jobs and pay the bills? They attend school events and go to sleep by themselves every night. They never have a sick day off, even after surgery or serious illness. This marathon often lasts for years or even for decades.

Parents may be single due to death, illness, disability, divorce or other reasons that may be completely beyond their control. It’s not a badge of honor to be a single parent. It is an overwhelming climb for both us and our children.

I ask others to please not minimize our struggle. Instead, make an effort to check in on a single parent family, invite them to a meal or offer to act as a mentor to the child(ren). We will appreciate it more than you know.

— Single and Salty in New York

Dear Single and Salty in NY: Thank you for your letter. Word choice is very important, and you have brought awareness to the real definition of what a single parent is. Perhaps the letter writer of the husband who works late should have used “neglected wife” instead.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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