A woman has sparked backlash over her decision to skip her best friend’s wedding.
In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit , the woman explained that she and her childhood friend have always had a pact to be each other’s maid-of-honors at their weddings but she was only asked to be a regular bridesmaid.
Despite being a little disappointed in not getting the position, she explained that the main issue for her was being told “You don’t have to stand with the other bridesmaids during the wedding.” She fought back on why before she was informed that the bride didn’t want her standing with the other bridesmaids because of her social anxiety and fear of being the center of attention.
“She was worried that I would have a panic attack just like I did standing there at my own wedding. Honestly, it was bad during my wedding because I was shaking and couldn’t breathe, and everyone’s terrified reaction made it even worse for me,” the Reddit poster explained, reflecting on her own ceremony.
“I had to leave and come back to just me, my husband, and my mother to continue our vows and such while everyone else moved on to the reception. I couldn’t even go join them until I was drunk enough to not feel embarrassed.”
The bridesmaid admitted that since her own wedding, she’s gone to therapy and feels like her social anxiety has improved enough that she could stand with the other bridesmaids, but her friend wouldn’t change her mind.
“She said she doesn’t want to embarrass me again and that she would just feel worried about me the whole time, and was also worried that I would ruin the mood of the wedding if I did happen to have a panic attack. I eventually told her that I’d just rather be a guest if I can’t do all the bridesmaid stuff,” she explained.
However, on the day of the wedding itself, the Reddit poster decided to not go at all because of how “hurt” she felt only attending as a guest. The bride thought she only skipped to make her feel guilty over not standing with the bridesmaids.
After posting, many people turned to the comments section to agree with the bride based on the way she reacted.
“Are you aware that you basically proved her point? She was worried that your emotions would get the best of you and that’s exactly what happened. You were so overwhelmed with sadness that you couldn’t bring yourself to attend her wedding even though you said you would attend,” one comment began.
“Why should she trust that you wouldn’t have a breakdown during her wedding? While you might have made some progress, I don’t think you’re as far removed from your struggles as you think.”
Another commenter even pointed out that the bride had made an accommodation for her friend to still be involved in the wedding party without being the center of attention and that she just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.
“That wasn’t just a reasonable request on her part; it was a reasonable accommodation. She is reasonable to be worried that you would have a panic attack. Although you say you feel better, were you in a situation that might have tested where you were? She’s reasonable to be cautious about putting you in a situation that has been triggering for you,” the comment read.
“And, were you equally reasonable, you wouldn’t want to use a friend’s wedding as a testing ground for how much progress you’ve made.”
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