You be the judge: should my grown-up son help me move out of our house?

The prosecution: Claudine

He seems to resent me for asking him to help me sort out the house, but I don’t have anyone else to ask

I’m selling my house, and my 30-year-old son Rupert is being very lax about it. He has lived at home with me for a few years – he moved back in after a breakup – but I get the impression he isn’t happy that his living situation is changing.

He seems to resent me for asking him to help me sort out the house, but I don’t have anyone else to ask. When Rupert comes back from work, I’m usually deep in some project: throwing out old clothes, listing things on eBay. I’ll ask him for a hand but he will say, “Mum, I’ve been working all day, I can’t right now.” It’s always, “Not now, not now”. But I can’t do it all. I divorced a few years ago so don’t have a husband on hand to help out.

Yes, I’m retired, but why should it be all up to me? I got a great offer on the house and want to move as quickly as possible so as not to mess the buyers about. I’ve been saying to Rupert for years that I would sell up as soon as it felt right, but I don’t think he really believed me. Well, now is the time.

Rupert says: “When you pick a move-out date, I’ll help”. But I want him to pick up the pace now

I need a hand sorting through all the things we no longer need. I’ve made a start and ordered a skip from the council that we can throw stuff in and then have it collected. But I haven’t received a move-out date from the buyers yet, so it’s hard to know how quickly I need to move. Rupert says: “When you pick a move-out date, I’ll help”. But I want him to pick up the pace now. He hasn’t really done much at all. I want him to put his items of furniture on Gumtree but he says it’s too early. It’s not like I will be kicking him out on his ear; I plan to give him some cash to help with renting as I know that it’s tricky for young people these days.

We have lived in this house since he was born, so it’s Rupert’s house, too. There are lots of memories here and it does feel a bit emotional. But I’m moving abroad with my partner and I’m looking forward to it. I just wish the process of moving out was more of a shared effort and Rupert was on board with the reality of it.

The defence: Rupert

Mum hasn’t picked a move-out date so it’s impossible to know how urgent we need to be

It’s not that I haven’t accepted the house sale, or that I’m disengaged. I’m just busy. I work every day doing long shifts and the last thing I want to do when I get home is start packing up my room. Mum will call me over as soon as I walk through the door and I just think: can you not? I am usually knackered and just want to sleep.

The main issue is that Mum hasn’t picked a move-out date, so it’s impossible to know how urgent we need to be with timings. She wants me to sell all my bedroom furniture now. Fine. But then what am I going to sleep on after it’s sold? The floor? Putting things online isn’t too much to ask, but she hasn’t thought things through.

When I get home from work, being bombarded with tasks is the last thing I want

She will just randomly think of a task without weighing it up. There’s no organisation. Mum’s always been a bit slapdash, whereas I’m thinking: is it urgent? What order shall we do it in? My medical training has made me a bit of a logical thinker and my father is like that, too. I’ve told Mum we need to sit down and make a list of what needs to be done and when, because right now it all feels random. When I get home from work, being bombarded with tasks that she suddenly thinks need to be done right now is the last thing I want.

I’ve already helped Mum sort through our bookshelves and throw out lots of old clothes, but there’s so much more to do. I just can’t do it on Mum’s timeline, especially as we don’t know when we’re actually moving out.

The sale of the house is sad and emotional for me too, of course. I moved back home a year ago after a breakup and now I need to find somewhere else to live. It’s a lot of moving. I guess it’s probably for the best, because living at home after hitting 30 isn’t cute. I’m grateful for Mum’s offer to help out with rent, but navigating the rental market will be hard on just a doctor’s salary. In the meantime, I’d be happy to help Mum sort through the house if we could just organise our tasks.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Rupert get packing?

Claudine’s method seems disorganised, especially her insistence that Rupert sells the bedroom furniture he still needs. But he does need to help out. They should make a task list together so they can work in a more organised way.
Grace, 32

Rupert is guilty. But only slightly. There’s much mutual honesty and empathy here – greatly needed, because it’s a multifaceted issue. Both need to change just a little: Claudine shouldn’t pester, and Rupert should build half an hour of move-related activity time into each working day. He would be making the bigger change, but then he’s younger and more flexible.
Robert, 73

Rupert is a doctor – we all know they are overworked, so Claudine needs to realise she is being too vague for him. They both just need to agree on a schedule and some deadlines.
Rich, 59

Rupert is 30 and living on a doctor’s pay. He should move out ASAP as these things take time to arrange. He should clear his room and things, even if that means putting them into storage.
Crispin, 68

Rupert has lived with his mum for a few years – she is doing him a favour so he should be willing to help her. They should create a week-by-week schedule of things that need doing – but they should at least keep the beds for now, so they have something to sleep on.
Aaliyah, 28

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Rupert get packing?

The poll closes on Thursday 11 July at 9am BST

Last week’s result

We asked whether Marian should stop putting Lidl hand soap in expensive bottles .

31% of you said Marian is guilty – her argument doesn’t wash
69% of you said Marian is not guilty – Ted should get off his soapbox