July 4th falling on a Thursday is absolutely diabolical and should never be allowed to happen again

This is For The Win’s daily newsletter, The Morning Win. Did a friend recommend or forward this to you? If so, subscribe here. Have feedback? Leave your questions, comments and concerns through this brief reader survey! Now, here’s Mike Sykes.

Good morning, Winners! Welcome back to the Morning Win. Thank you so much for rocking with us today. We appreciate you giving us a bit of your time.

How on Earth is it not Sunday right now? Yesterday had to be the most Saturday-est Thursday in the history of Thursdays.

Obviously, it was the 4th of July. And I hope you had a great one filled with grilled delectables, whatever your beverage was, and some solid fireworks. It’s only right.

By all means, the holiday was cool. I chefed it up on the grill myself. We crowed a new glizzy gobbler champion for the first time in forever at Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest. We also saw a new record established for consecutive wins by Miki Sudo on the women’s side. Kendrick also dropped the “Not Like Us” video and it was as fantastic as the song is. Drake, you already knew this, but it’s over for you, buddy.

But look, gang. I’m going to say the thing we’re all thinking right now: Making sure we had to get up and come to work the next day was just a diabolical move by 2024. It’s just straight-up supervillain stuff.

It’s not anybody’s fault, really. Holidays fall in the middle of a work week all the time. It’s cool. It’s whatever.

But it’s the combination of the 4th of July falling on a Thursday that has us all cooked right now.

We might have been better off if it fell on a Wednesday or even a Tuesday. At least the rhythm of your week isn’t completely disrupted. A Monday or Friday holiday would’ve blessed us with a three-day weekend.

But nah. Instead, we get the dreaded Thursday holiday, which is objectively the worst day possible for a holiday. Don’t get me wrong — it’s a blast! You’re almost always going to have fun on a Thursday holiday. But it’s such a tease! You’re looking at the clock because you realize “Wow, wait, I’ve got to get up at 7 a.m. tomorrow!” It’s a gift and a curse. It’s the Super Bowl without the football game. I have no idea how the following Monday isn’t a holiday yet.

Let’s agree never to have a Thursday 4th of July again. We have to fight back. Don’t worry — I have a solution. If it falls on a Thursday again, we’ll just do July 3rd twice to push the 4th to Friday. Boom. Problem solved. Three-day weekend starting off with fireworks.

That doesn’t make any sense, sure. But we already do plenty of things on the calendar that don’t make sense. Have you ever heard of Daylight Savings time? What about the Leap Year? That’s what I thought.

Join me in my crusade, folks. No more Thursday 4th of July. Pass it on.

Joey Chestnut is still the true Glizzy Gobbler

Joey Chestnut wasn’t at Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest this year for the first time in a long time.

It’s a long story that you can learn about here, but to make that long story short, he couldn’t participate in this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest because of his sponsorship with Impossible Foods. It’s silly. But those are the rules, I guess.

No matter. He’s still the king of Glizzy Gobbling, folks. He didn’t just sit idle and lose his crown this year — he showed us he’s still in his absolute prime.

He went to another hot dog eating contest in Fort Bliss, Texas, and ate nearly as many hot dogs as the Nathan’s champion did in half the time. Here’s Charles Curtis with more on that:

“Patrick Bertoletti took the Nathan’s Hot Dog Contest crown from Joey Chestnut on Thursday after Chestnut had to bow out due to his partnership with Impossible Foods. Bertoletti ate 57 hot dogs in the allotted 10 minutes, which is pretty impressive.

But perhaps Chestnut knew he had to make a statement. So at Fort Bliss in Texas later that day, Chestnut did a five-minute contest and ate … 57 hot dogs.”

Chestnut was CHOMPING.

Y’all can accept Patrick Bertoletti as your king if you want. In this household? Joey Chestnut is still our true champion.

Argentina squeaks by

The Copa América run from Lionel Messi and Argentina has been far from perfect.

It’s sloppy. It’s messy. Yet, somehow, Argentina continues to manage and get by.

Argentina beat Ecuador on Thursday 4-2 on penalties to move into the semifinals of Copa. Lisandro Martínez’s opening goal was matched by Ecuador’s Kevin Rodríguez, who scored in stoppage time.

Emi Martinez made two saves to seal the win for Messi and crew. Now, they’re the first team to move to the semis. They’ll see whoever makes it through between Venezuela and Canada.

Photo Friday: A packed house for the Aces

This is what I like to imagine those gladiator arenas looked like back in the day.

Quick hits: Paris’ Seine River problem … Tom Brady stinks … and more

— The Paris Olympics organizers don’t seem to have a backup plan for the Seine River swim. Michelle Martinelli has more.

— Tom Brady threw a pick six at Michael Rubin’s 4th of July party. And y’all want him back in the NFL. TUH. Charles Curtis has more.

— Jackie Young shared why she untied her shoes for Caitlin Clark. Meg Hall has more here.

— Here’s Mitch on Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” video. I can’t stop watching it.

— Prince says Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest whiffed on a golden opportunity with no Joey Chestnut.

— Cory has 10 huge movie releases coming for July. Can’t wait.

That’s a wrap, folks! Thanks so much for reading. We appreciate you. Have a fantastic weekend. Peace

-Sykes ✌️