I Had To Rebuild Financially After the Death of My Spouse: The Good and Bad Money Moves I Made

Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes and those two components are more linked than you might expect. The sudden passing of a loved one, particularly a spouse, is devastating emotionally. It can also be crippling when it comes to finances , particularly if you are now down to one income and have expenses that are meant for two or more people. In short, financially grounding yourself after your spouse dies can be harder than you might initially think.

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“Losing a spouse is a profoundly life-altering event,” said Max Shak, the founder and CEO of nerDigital . “When my spouse passed away, it felt as though the ground had shifted beneath me, affecting every aspect of my life, including my finances.”

Here are a few stories, as well as tips, of how people rebuilt and stabilized their financial situation after the death of a spouse .

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Assessing the Financial Landscape

“When my wife died in 2012, I was not the breadwinner and I have struggled all my life with sticking to a budget,” recalled Kelly Wilk , the author of the memoir “The High-Flying Adventures of Captain Grief.” “When I was suddenly a single mother to a 1 1/2-year-old and a widow at the age of 34 we were in no way prepared to deal with a death in our family.”

After Shak’s spouse passed, he knew he had to get a better understanding of everything.

“One of the first steps I took was to get a clear picture of our financial situation,” Shak said. “This involved gathering all financial documents, including bank statements, investment accounts, insurance policies and outstanding debts. Understanding where we stood financially was crucial in planning the next steps.”

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Filing for Benefits

“I promptly filed for any benefits I was eligible for, such as life insurance claims, Social Security survivor benefits, and any other relevant entitlements,” Shak said. “This provided an immediate financial cushion to cover urgent expenses and gave me some breathing room to plan further.”

Wilk had a trickier situation due to not being fully prepared: “We had put off writing a will, I had to wait around six months to be declared the executor of my wife’s estate and because of an error at Kara’s work the beneficiary of her life insurance was still in her ex-partner’s name.

“On top of that my wife and I had a totally chaotic house, were missing crucial paperwork and not having access to your joint accounts made it necessary to obtain help from my family,” Wilk described. “It took five months to sort out the mess to some semblance of order before we could sort out the finer details. The devil is in the details they say and if the details are not taken care of, well, speak of the devil.”

Creating a New Budget

With a single income, it was essential to create a new budget that reflected my changed circumstances, according to Shak.

“I identified essential expenses and areas where I could cut back,” Shak said. “This step helped me avoid unnecessary financial strain and ensured that I was living within my new means.”

Paying Off High-Interest Debt

Rebuilding finances for Shak started with prioritizing debts attached to high interest, then paying them off.

“One of the successful moves I made was to prioritize paying off high-interest debts,” Shak said. “This included credit card balances and personal loans. Reducing these debts quickly helped to free up more of my income for other essential expenses and savings.”

Emergency Fund

Establishing a robust emergency fund became a priority for Shak, who did not want to be caught off guard in the event of another personal tragedy.

“I aimed to save at least six months’ worth of living expenses,” Shak said. “This fund provided a safety net for unexpected expenses and gave me peace of mind during a turbulent time.”

Professional Financial Advice

“Seeking advice from a financial advisor was one of the most beneficial steps I took,” Shak said.

“The advisor helped me with estate planning, investment strategies, and tax implications,” Shak noted. “Their expertise was invaluable in making informed decisions and optimizing my financial recovery.”

In hindsight, there are things that both Shak and Wilk would do differently if they knew ahead of time what worked and what did not work. Here is what they recommend if you find yourself in the devastating position of losing your spouse and needing to reconfigure your personal finances.

What Did Not Work

If you’re ever in this devastating situation, it helps to know what to avoid doing.

Rushing Financial Decisions

“In the initial months, I made some hasty financial decisions driven by anxiety and grief,” Shak said.

“For instance, selling off certain investments prematurely resulted in losses,” Shak offered. “Taking time to thoroughly evaluate options before making major financial moves is crucial.”

Neglecting Self-Care

While focusing on finances, Shak admitted to initially neglecting self-care and mental health.

“This neglect led to burnout, which negatively impacted my productivity and decision-making abilities. Balancing financial responsibilities with self-care is essential,” Shak advised.

What Worked

Here’s a look at some of the moves that can be smart when facing a loss like this.

Leveraging Support Networks

“Emotional and financial support from family and friends proved to be incredibly helpful,” Shak said. “They provided guidance, assistance, and a sense of security during an overwhelming period.”

Mindful Spending

“Adopting a mindful approach to spending and focusing on essential needs rather than wants helped in maintaining financial stability,” Shak said. “This conscious spending habit became a cornerstone of my financial strategy.”

Investment in Skills

“Investing in my professional development and acquiring new skills paid off significantly,” recalled Shak, adding how “[i]t opened up new career opportunities and increased my earning potential, aiding in my financial recovery.”

Celebrate the Small Wins

Wilk said to make a list and cross them off one by one, then, when you have completed the unpleasant tasks, have a barbecue.

“I remember one day my mother and I went through all the final paperwork, filed it and incurred papercuts galore, then gleefully went to prepare a BBQ, and massaged some olive oil and lemon into the veggies to grill,” Wilk described.

Wilk, a self-proclaimed lover of lists, had this final one to share with anyone in the position she found herself in after losing her wife:

• Write the damn will.
• Sort out life insurance.
• Have separate bank accounts.
• File all official documents.
• Talk about your partner’s wishes.
• Don’t wait for disaster to come but know it may anyway, so as Wilk said, “get’er done!”
• Write down your thoughts.
• Say “I love you” every day.
• Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve.
• Eat cake.

This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com : I Had To Rebuild Financially After the Death of My Spouse: The Good and Bad Money Moves I Made