Coping After Losing a Loved One to Disease
- Amanda Kloots lost her husband Nick Cordero to COVID-19 in 2020, when their son Elvis was only 1. In memory of her late loved one, Kloots took to Instagram to share some sweet videos on the fourth anniversary of his passing, admitting how grief has “changed” her.
- Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Kloots has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. For others, support groups or turning to faith may be helpful.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Four years have passed since TV personality Amanda Kloots, known for being a co-host of the CBS daytime talk show "The Talk," lost her loving husband Nick Cordero to COVID-19—and now, the 42-year-old mom of one has revealed how grief has helped her become a "new person in every way." Kloots' Broadway star husband passed away in July 2020 after a four-month battle with COVID-19. Cordero was 41 when he passed, a time when their son Elvis was just a one-year-old. The actress and fitness instructor took to social media this week to mark the four year anniversary of her husband's death, sharing a heartwarming video compilation of their memories together and revealing how coping with his loss has helped her grow.
Kloots captioned the
post , "Missing Nick Cordero today on the four year anniversary of his death. Whenever I put a post like this together it really hits me how much loss cuts into you in ways you might never heal from. However, in going through all the pictures, as hard as it might be, I get to relive all our stories. "Nick was so funny, happy, full of life and love, so talented and one of the biggest dreamers I knew. Take the photos and record life. Save them, they’ve saved me through this." She then revealed she believes loved one's don't actually "die" if their stories are continuously told and their names are spoken, urging anyone that knew her late husband to celebrate his life and "lift him up." Kloots continued, "What have I learned these last four years? Grief has changed every part of me. I’ve become a new person in every way. It changed how I love, how I look, how I feel, how I walk, how I think, how I raise my son, how I work. "It has taught me a lot about anxiety, depression, fear and stress. It made me weaker and stronger at the same time and more honest, vulnerable and fearless in living my life." She concluded. "I learned how lucky I was to have someone in my life that loved me completely and I him. That’s rare, which I’ve also learned. Grief has been by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me, yet the most eye awakening. In the spirit of my late husband, he said it best, it taught me to LIVE. To live my life. I miss you every single day. I’ll forever love you. Nick Cordero 9/17/78- 7/5/20 " Kloots also spoke about her journey with grief in a recent podcast episode of
"Oldish." Speaking to Brian Austin Green, Sharna Burgess and Randy Spelling, about how she felt after her husband's death,
Kloots said , "I realized after a while that I didn't feel feminine anymore. Because I didn't have a man that was kissing me, hugging me, telling me I'm pretty. Like, just coming around me in the kitchen and like, you know, grabbing my waist.
She said she "I lost feeling sexy" until she "had to realize" that grief left her feeling that way and she needed to change that. Kloots ultimately decided to get back into dancing to get back to living fully and feeling better about her body. "I go to this sexy dance heels class every Monday night. Literally, it just made me find sexiness again," Kloots said.
RELATED: Former NFL Quarterback Alex Smith’s Daughter Sloane, 8, Still Dancing After Brain Surgery For Cancer Kloots also recently too to
Instagram to share some videos of her moving freely in the dance heels class, writing alongside the uplifting footage, "Huge lesson in life… Do something FUN for yourself! Do things that make you happy.
More Resources On Coping With Loss
RELATED: The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer "Do things that challenge your comfort zone, make you smile, make you feel sexy, make you YOU! I’ve been back in dance class since January and I look forward to it every week. It’s my hour of pure joy! Find your joy! Thank you @marissaheart for so much love and fun every week!"
Moving Through Grief
Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Kloots has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find
tools like therapy to be helpful.
Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief, as can turning to faith. Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Surviving the Loss of a Partner
Fighting your own cancer battle is one of the toughest experiences in life; watching the disease, or any type of health issue, take someone you love is a different kind of pain. In some cases, a spouse with cancer can take proactive steps to talk about what might come after. John Duberstein, who lost his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer told SurvivorNet that while he was watching her suffer from the disease, he couldn’t help but wish things could go back to normal — but Riggs had already embraced her new normal.
RELATED: The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer “I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant,” Duberstein said. “She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently. I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times.” Duberstein explained that even with the pain of losing his wife, and even though he didn’t want to talk about it at the time, he’s so glad they had those seemingly uncomfortable conversations. “In retrospect, I can’t even explain how glad I am that I had that.” This is a reminder that having those uncomfortable and painful conversations with your partner can be fundamental to your well-being as you move forward in the grieving process, alleviating the guilt felt in starting to date again, and/or eventually marry.
Finding Joy Every Day
Dr. Dana Chase, a gynecologic oncologist at Arizona Oncology, recommends jotting down ten things that make you happy and making the time to do those activities throughout the day. In Amanda Kloots' case, dancing has been a major help in helping her feel better and cope with the grief she's been dealing with. "Sometimes I will talk to a patient about making [a] list of the top ten things that bring them joy. And trying to do those ten things to make at least 50 percent of their experiences positive throughout the day," Dr. Chase previously told SurvivorNet. Even if you’re working hard to prioritize your mental health by doing activities you love, it can still be quite overwhelming to think of the things you can’t control during a cancer battle or even the loss of a loved one to disease.
Dr. William Breitbart , chair of the department of psychology and behavioral sciences at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, says acceptance is an important part of living with cancer. And although Kloots isn't battling cancer, this outlook aligns well with someone who is coping with the loss of a loved one.
Learn to Accept Yourself — A Huge Part of Living With Cancer “What the task becomes is having the courage to live in the face of uncertainty, realizing that you cannot necessarily control the uncertainty in life, the suffering that occurs, limitations, challenges both good and bad,” Dr. Breitbart said. "You may not be able to control those but you have control over how you choose to respond to them and the attitudes you take towards them."
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff 
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