Self- confidence , a trait that comes naturally to some, is a journey of growth and self-discovery for others. But regardless of where you start, Nakia Hamlett, Ph.D. , Interim Dean of Equity and Inclusion and professor of Psychology at Connecticut College, says that a growth mindset is the key to developing into the greatest version of yourself.
“For people high in confidence,” she says, “this is simply a way of being; confidence is both a noun and a verb and a daily practice.”
Dr. Golee Abrishami , clinical psychologist and Head of Clinical Care at Octave, echoes that confidence is a lifestyle. It’s not simply something you “get” and “use;” you have to embody it and trust the process.
“A highly confident person doesn’t feel the need to know everything,” she explains, “yet they have faith in their ability to learn and figure things out.”
While becoming confident may seem like it should happen magically, Dr. Hamlett says, “People with loads of confidence are often enthusiastic explorers of the world around them.”
You have to work to seek confidence-building opportunities; it takes effort.
But how can you tell when your effort is paying off? Aside from the way you carry yourself, how can you know you’re confident? We’ve compiled a list of eight phrases psychologists suggest high-confidence people say (or should say) to help you figure that out.
Related: 11 Common Behaviors of Authentic People—and One Thing They *Never* Do, According to Therapists
8 High Self-Confidence Phrases, According to Psychologists
1. “I don’t know, but we can figure it out.”
Highly confident people are self-aware and practice humility in their everyday lives, Dr. Abrishami says. Acknowledging when you don’t know something shows you’re highly confident .
“When you’re acting out of a place of genuine confidence,” Dr. Abrishami continues, “ you can acknowledge that you don’t have to do it all on your own.”
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2. “I need…”
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease"—and in healthcare and beyond, asserting your needs can open the right doors.
According to Dr. Abrishami, highly confident people know this and aren’t afraid to speak up and tell others what they require to get a job done.
3. “I can…”
“People who are high in confidence are likely to say, 'I think I can' because they often channel that, 'Je ne sais quoi,'” Dr. Hamlett says. “Whether it be grit, the ability to call to mind deep insights from previous learning experiences, or knowledge of resources they can tap into if they get stuck.”
For example, you might hear a confident person say:
- "I can make that happen; I just need to figure out the details."
- "I can help you with that. I've got some expertise in that area."
- "I can take on that project and deliver it by the deadline."
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4. “Please do not…”
Confident people set and maintain healthy boundaries . But we sometimes forget that keeping boundaries involves communicating when someone crosses them.
“It takes courage and energy to do this,” says Dr. Abrishami, “but confident people tend to become more comfortable doing so through repetitive practice.”
5. “No.”
Saying please is often considered polite, but sometimes it doesn’t accurately convey the gravity of the situation. If you’ve tried to take a more amicable approach, but you’re not getting what you want, remember—no is a complete sentence.
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6. “I’d like to…”
Highly confident individuals tend to use phrases like "I'd like to" to express their preferences clearly and directly, without sounding wishy-washy or apologetic—a subtle yet telling sign of self-assurance in action.
Dr. Abrishami shares an example of how a client in therapy may aim to improve their relationships with their parents. In her experience, clients who know their goals enough to communicate them verbally are typically more likely to reach those goals successfully.
“Doing the hard work to understand your goals and express them is characteristic of confident .self-assured people,” she says.
7. “How did I do?”
According to Dr. Hamlett, asking for feedback is a necessary part of being highly confident.
While less confident people might assert or brag about their achievements or ask for “constant positive feedback” and ignore or even refute constructive feedback , she says, confident people don’t. They embrace suggestions for improvement rather than reject them.
“Confident people are often humble because they know their abilities, ideas and approach to challenges will speak for themselves,” she reiterates.
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8. “I’m struggling with…”
Another part of how highly confident people display humility is admitting when they’re struggling with something.
“In the right contexts and with people they trust, they can be open about their challenges and tend to be more solution-oriented in how they externalize those struggles," says Dr. Abrishami.
Things People With High Self-Confidence *Don't* Say
People who struggle with self-doubt and low confidence often reveal their insecurities through their words and tone. They may come across as uncertain, people-pleasing or mysterious, using phrases that undermine their needs and desires. By recognizing these patterns, we can better understand the mindset and communication style of those who struggle with confidence.
Here are some things psychologists say that people with high self-confidence tend not to say and a little bit about why they don’t:
- “That’s not my problem.” (They’re proactive and willing to help.)
- “I can’t.” (They focus on solutions, not limitations.)
- “But what about me?” (They’re not overly focused on their own needs.)
- “Everything is great.” (They’re comfortable with nuance and complexity.)
- “It’s all fine.” (They acknowledge their emotions and concerns.)
- “Whatever you want/think/like!” (They have their own opinions and preferences.)
Related: 10 Signs of Low Self-Esteem, and What To Do Instead, According to Psychologists
4 Tips for Becoming Someone With High Self-Confidence
If you’re not self-confident or looking to boost your confidence, you’ll need to do more than simply change your language. Here, Dr. Abrishami and Dr. Hamlett share some of their top tips to increasing your self-confidence.
1. Set and maintain healthy boundaries
Being confident helps you succeed and progress in all aspects of your life, from getting a promotion at work to becoming a better partner or friend in your relationships. Without boundaries, you can become overwhelmed, resentful and burnt out. Confidence allows you to set healthy boundaries to prioritize your well-being.
If this isn’t something you want to tackle on your own, Dr. Abrishami says, work with a mental health professional. “A therapist can partner with you to give you practical tools, like communication techniques to better express yourself and exercises to identify your core values,” she explains.
2. Always be prepared
Aside from being one of the most essential Scout laws, always being prepared is something highly self-confident people do to maintain a healthy level of stability and assurance.
From the outside, it may look like confident people always have it together. However, as Dr. Abrishami reflects, “What an observer may see as confidence or talent is typically underscored by deep practice and preparation.”
Related: 6 Behaviors That Show Low Self-Confidence, and What To Do Instead, According to Psychologists
3. Learn how to regulate your emotions
Regulating your emotions is a task that many attempt, but few succeed at—not because they’re not trying; it’s just difficult. It’s hard because it requires accountability and consistency.
“Emotional regulation is the cornerstone of being calm, cool, collected and confident,” according to Dr. Abrishami.
She also recommends that if you want to become more confident, start practicing emotion regulation techniques like mindfulness or journaling.
4. Take small steps
“Developing confidence is experimental. It’s developmental and will grow as we intentionally seek to expand our horizons and push past our comfort zones,” says Dr. Hamlett.
Given that, taking small steps is important so you don’t become overwhelmed with confidence-building. Taking things slow is also okay to protect your peace and mental health.
“Confident people are only confident because they allow themselves to have experiences that may lead to mistakes or other learning opportunities,” Dr. Hamlett continues. “Yet, confident people often find that their experiences give them even more confidence in the long run.”
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