It’s all how you handle those hard lessons

There are so many reasons I love sports — all of the sports. I love that they bring together people who may otherwise not be connected. I love the lessons they teach us, regardless of the outcomes. I love when they cause us to push ourselves to limits we did not know we had. Most of all, I love that they teach us how few things are truly in our control — just like in life.

A couple of weeks ago during the women’s 800-meter run final of the U.S. Olympic Trials, the lack of control over outcomes was demonstrated perfectly. Athing Mu, who is a fantastic runner (with very long legs) was in the middle lane of the pack. Shortly after the race began, she tripped, causing other athletes to hurdle over her, which slowed them down, too. She never caught up.

The athlete who was closest to her also never got back to her position. Because of one fall, their race in the Olympic trials was upended in a matter of seconds. I mean, think about that: You spend years training for a race that already lasts under 2 minutes, and the person beside you falls, possibly taking away your chance at making the Olympics. Years of training for those 2 minutes and it ends in a matter of seconds. Is this not life, though?

While most of us normal people do not spend years training for the Olympics, we do spend a lot of time crafting and honing the type of life we want. We take time working to build a career we love, a family, and we also spend time shaping ourselves into the people we want to be. However, we often forget that life can quickly shape us in ways we did not see coming — just as a fall can shape the future of Olympians in a brief moment.

As devastated as these athletes likely were in those moments, what I loved is that they kept running. Mu had to have doubted she could ever catch up to the pack, but she finished the race  in last place, giving as much effort as the runner who finished first. That reminded me of life, too. The race she hoped for, dreamed about, trained for, did not go as she had anticipated, but she finished it well. She had no control over the fall, but she had control over how she responded to it and to what she did next, which is the case for just about all of us.

If we live long enough, I’m pretty certain life is going to throw us a lot of curveballs we never expected, and that is OK. While we cannot control the pitches we get, we can control how we respond to the outcomes. I think those are really the moments that shape us into who we are. When we are facing the unexpected, do we continue to make the decisions that our ideal selves would make? When we feel defeated, do we carry on anyway? When the unexpected happens, do we focus instead on what we can do next, and continue to stay on track to our long-term goals?

In high school, my mom was my International Baccalaureate English teacher (bless her). One day when many of us were freaking out about college applications and all the “what-ifs” they entail, she had us do an assignment that helped us understand what was in our “circle of control.”

At the end of the assignment, it was terrifying and freeing all at once because I realized there is not much in this world that was inside of my circle. The mood of the person evaluating our applications was out of our control, but writing an amazing essay and submitting the application on time were.

As scary as that is, it’s also quite liberating because if we can accept it, there is a lot less to worry about each day. Like Mu and the other athletes, we can choose to choose the best response available to situations. We can choose to be helpful and hold the door for someone, even if it slows us down a bit. We can choose to put the grocery carts in the right spot when they are just sitting in a parking lot. We can choose to smile and greet people with warmth. We  can choose to be gracious with others and ourselves. We can choose to let go of what we cannot control, and see how our energy grows, allowing us to focus on what we can.

We can choose to keep running our race, and to finish it well — even if we fall and don’t finish first.

E.J. Proctor Story, a 2014 graduate of Fike High, was the starting goalkeeper for Duke’s 2015 NCAA runner–up year, 2016 Elite 8 finish and 2017 Final Four finish. Currently the Duke record holder for shutouts and goals against average, she went on to play one season professionally with the Utah Royals FC after graduating from Duke. Now back in Wilson, E.J. is assisting with coaching youth soccer players and is employed as the Lead Physical Therapist for Wilson County Schools.

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