The Case for Living Apart Together: Why Couples Are Choosing Separate Homes

When I was in the throes of the hardest times of my marriage, I remember thinking how nice it would be if he and I lived across the street from each other instead of the same house.

This lead me on a search to see how comon this is. Turns out, it is more common than you might think, and it's working great for those who choose to live this way.

There are also online groups with names like "Apartners" for anyone out there interested in breaking away from the norm - if you can swing it financially. There is even a movie and a Facebook group by the same name!

Photo byCaleb EkerothonUnsplash

In today’s dynamic landscape of relationships, more couples are choosing to live apart together (LAT). This unconventional arrangement involves partners maintaining separate homes while still committing to a romantic relationship. It defies traditional expectations and invites us to reconsider what it means to be together.

Embracing Independence

Living apart together offers a unique blend of intimacy and independence. Many people cherish their personal space and find that having their own home allows them to maintain their individuality. They can arrange their living space according to their preferences, indulge in personal hobbies, and enjoy solitude when needed. This arrangement can help avoid the daily frictions that arise from sharing a living space.

Enhancing Communication and Quality Time

LAT couples often find that their communication improves. When you don't see each other every day, the time you spend together becomes more intentional and cherished. Each visit can feel like a mini-reunion, filled with excitement and genuine engagement. This quality time can foster deeper emotional connections, as partners focus on each other without the distractions of cohabitation.

Balancing Personal and Professional Lives

Modern life often demands flexibility. Career opportunities may lead partners to different cities or even countries. Instead of choosing between their relationship and their professional growth, couples can opt for LAT to balance both. They can pursue their careers while nurturing their relationship, thus preventing resentment and burnout.

Preserving Romance

For some couples, constant proximity can lead to a sense of monotony. Living apart keeps the romance alive. The anticipation of seeing each other, planning dates, and spending weekends together can rekindle the excitement that often fades in traditional cohabitation. This arrangement allows partners to miss each other and appreciate the time they do spend together more.

Addressing Compatibility Issues

Every relationship faces compatibility challenges, whether it’s differing sleep schedules, housekeeping habits, or lifestyle choices. LAT can provide a solution. Couples can enjoy the best of both worlds by managing these differences more effectively. Each partner can maintain their routines without compromising their comfort or adjusting to their partner’s habits.

Real-Life Success Stories

Consider Sophie and Mark, a couple in their late thirties. Sophie works as a freelance writer and enjoys the peace of her own apartment, while Mark’s job as a chef involves late nights and early mornings. Living apart has strengthened their bond. They look forward to their weekend getaways and have found a balance that works for them.

Another example is Emily and James, both in their fifties, who decided to live apart after their kids moved out. Emily loves her garden and peaceful suburb, while James prefers the bustling city life. Their arrangement allows them to enjoy their preferred environments while maintaining a loving relationship.

Overcoming Social Stigma

LAT couples often face skepticism and criticism from those who adhere to traditional relationship norms. Friends and family may question their commitment or suggest that living apart indicates underlying issues. However, LAT couples understand that their arrangement reflects strength and adaptability, not a lack of love or dedication. They prioritize their relationship in a way that makes sense for them, not based on societal expectations.

Wrapping Up

Living apart together redefines the concept of togetherness. It offers a solution for couples who seek to balance independence and intimacy, personal growth and partnership. While it may not suit everyone, LAT provides an alternative that can lead to healthier, happier relationships. Couples who choose this path often find that by living apart, they grow closer in ways they never imagined possible.

https://www.aarpethel.com/relationships/why-living-apart-together-is-a-growing-trend

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-of-love/202312/is-living-apart-together-better-than-living-together-apart

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/dec/15/couples-living-apart-together-post-pandemic