A bride has been defended after revealing why she chose not to make her sister her maid-of-honor.
In a recent post shared to the popular “ Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum , a woman asked if she was in the wrong for making her best friend her maid-of-honor (MOH), as opposed to her younger sister.
After explaining that she got engaged in Europe, she noted that when she told her sibling the big news, there wasn’t that much excitement in response. The bride-to-be also shared some of the challenges she’s had with her sister in the past.
“She did not say ‘congratulations’ but simply ‘I knew you’d get married before me’ in the most monotone voice possible. My sister has always undermined any achievement or happy news of mine since we were young, so this reaction didn’t surprise me,” the woman wrote.
She then explained that as she began wedding planning, she decided to make her best friend her maid-of-honor. The woman also acknowledged that while they’ve only been friends for a little more than a year, they’ve “been by each others’ sides through some horrible incidents at work as well as [in their] personal lives.”
She then clarified that her pal was “incredibly happy” about the engagement news, which was “the complete opposite reaction” from the bride-to-be’s sister. The Reddit user added that when she told her parents about the decision to make her friend her maid-of-honor, they weren’t happy.
“They were not too pleased that I chose ‘someone I’ve known for a year over someone I’ve known my whole life (my sister).’ I have explained that not only has my friend been by my side through some tough situations (my parents are aware of this),” she added. “[My best friend] was/is actually happy for me whereas my sister was not.”
She noted that while her father understood the situation, her stepmother didn’t and called her “very selfish” for not choosing her sister to be maid-of-honor. The Reddit poster explained that when her sibling found out about the news – through their stepmother, who didn’t have permission to say anything – she was “livid.” The bride-to-be went on to detail the argument the siblings had and made claims about her sister’s previous behavior.
“She also thinks I am incredibly selfish and how could I possibly do this to her?! She called me horrible and started crying saying she would never do this to me,” the woman continued. “I find this typical of my sister and manipulative because she always does this (cries and blames) whenever something doesn’t go her way.”
The future bride also added that her sister “currently lives on the other side of the country,” which was another reason why she wasn’t the maid-of-honor. “She has told me she will fly home for the wedding but will obviously not be here for other parts of the wedding including dress shopping and the bachelorette party,” the post concluded.
The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 1,900 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people came to the bride’s defense, noting that she’s the one who ultimately gets to pick her maid-of-honor. They also criticized her sister’s behavior after hearing the engagement news and questioned how she’d be able to take on the role of maid-of-honor if she was one.
“Your wedding, your choice. Your sister is acting like an entitled [a**hole], and it sounds like your whole family is very used to that. It’s not her day, it’s yours. You get to choose who stands up for you. The logistics are just the icing on the cake - of course she wouldn’t be doing MOH things. Why would you give up those things?” one wrote.
“Traditional parents often expect that siblings will take priority in the wedding party but that tradition is just about dead,” another added. “Your wedding party should be people who love and respect you and have supported you. Your sister seems to hit none of those categories. The maid of honor also has added responsibilities and can’t really be a role for someone who doesn’t live there and won’t be traveling back for anything except the wedding.”
“MOH for your wedding is your choice, not your sister’s and not your family’s. This is totally aside from the fact that your sister would at best do a perfunctory job. She has to be about the least deserving MOH candidate and is concerned with herself, not about making your wedding work well,” a third reader agreed.
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