I Really Like Him, but I Don’t Want a Long-Distance Relationship—What Do I Do?

Ask a Witch is StyleCaster’s advice column offering sage advice and practical magic for modern problems. Every Friday, our resident witch Roya Backlund will answer your most vulnerable conundrums through the lens of astrology, Tarot, and spirituality. Submit questions to askawitch@stylecaster.com , along with your birth information—date, time, and location—as well as birth information for other parties involved, if you have it. Hex what vexes you: Ask a Witch .

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Dear Roya,

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years about a month ago, because I started to realize I only had platonic feelings for him. I recently met a guy who also just got out of a two-year relationship, and we clicked in a way I’ve never felt with anyone. We have the same sense of humor, the same upbringing, and the same values and priorities in terms of family and independence.

We met through a mutual friend who introduced us specifically because we’d both gotten out of long-term relationships and only wanted to have casual fun. So keeping things low-key was implied from the beginning. But over the past few weeks, we’ve had conversations about how we feel—and ultimately, both of us have caught feelings. We’ve talked about how our situation no longer feels like a “no strings attached” thing, and we’ve started going on dates and spending way more time together.

Although we’ve both expressed our feelings for each other, neither of us wants anything serious right now. I’m attending college in Tallahassee and he lives in Miami, and long-distance isn’t something I’m ready for. Any advice on how to go about this and not get my heart broken?

Sincerely,
Cautiously Crushing

Dear Cautiously Crushing,

Being a young college student will always be one of the busiest and most emotionally intense periods of your life. Yes, you’re officially an adult. But you’re also experiencing many adult things for the first time, such as moving away from home, having sex, going to bars, and of course, falling in love. And while all these big and overwhelming feelings are happening, you’re juggling schoolwork, internships, and day jobs. Any wise elder would advise you to keep it light during this time—to think of your college experience as a sampler of all that adulthood has to offer. Why make major commitments when you’re still trying to figure out what you even want to do with your life in the first place?

But here’s the thing—you can’t avoid heartbreak without hurting yourself in the long run. To avoid heartbreak is to avoid living your life. Every time you set out to achieve your desires, you are taking a risk with your heart. Whenever you love something enough to become passionate about it, you’re putting yourself in a position to feel let down, disappointed, or worse—rejected. Does that mean you should board up your house, delete your contacts, and protect yourself from ever getting hurt? Hell no. When you’re 80-years-old and looking back on your life, you want lessons to share, wisdoms to impart, and stories to tell. You want to have lived a life that’s filled to the brim with trial, error, and the beauty of getting it right. You know who doesn’t have good stories to tell? People who have never had their heart broken.

Upon looking at your birth chart, it makes immediate sense why you’re concerned about things getting “too serious” with your new and unexpected love interest. You were born with your rising sign in Gemini, a mutable air sign that craves the freedom to explore and the curiosity to keep their options open. With this placement, you could easily spend many years without being in a relationship and have the time of your life, especially during your college experience. (Learn more about your rising sign .)

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Being a Gemini rising means your birth chart is ruled by Mercury, planet of communication. And in your case, your natal Mercury is in Scorpio, a fixed water sign known for intense passion and a strong emotional desire to merge ideas and probe for deep-seated details. In other words, you’re a much deeper Gemini rising—someone who needs emotional chemistry in order to feel interested. Like it or not, you are someone who wants to get down to the nitty gritty and really get to know someone. But once you do get to know someone, it becomes so much harder to separate from them. And yet, you still want to plumb the depths of someone’s soul. Your natal Mercury in Scorpio is also sitting in conjunction with your South Node of Karma , which represents what you’re still carrying from your past lives. This makes you nostalgic, loyal, and someone who doesn’t easily forget. The past weighs heavy on you. And that’s one reason you’re pretty damn certain you don’t want to get too attached! You know what happens when you do. (Learn more about your Mercury sign .)

Even though you’re still a super young adult, you’re no stranger to how painful heartbreak can be. You were born with your natal Venus—planet of love—in Virgo, situated in your fourth house of home and family. This makes you someone who really plants roots when you’re in love. You want to see them every day—not every few months because you live far away from each other. And because your natal Venus is in an exact square to your natal Pluto—planet of creation and destruction—it may feel as though there’s always a sharp object chafing against your sweet heart. Your natal Pluto is also sitting in your seventh house of partnership, emphasizing the impact this has on your love life. There’s always a fear of getting hurt lingering just around the corner of your relationships. And sometimes, that fear can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, especially if you’re more afraid of getting hurt than simply accepting the universal truth that nothing really lasts forever, not even a relationship with someone who lives across the street from you. Eventually, our bodies will part ways from each other, but our spirits remain intertwined for all eternity. (Learn more about the 12 houses of astrology .)

All of this is to say heartbreak is not something you should fear, because it’s inevitable. It’s simply a part of life. Of course, you can—and should—learn from past mistakes so you don’t overlook red flags in the future and waste your heart on someone who doesn’t deserve it. But do you really want to say you didn’t fall in love during college when you had the chance? Even if it doesn’t work out between you two, does that mean you will have “hurt” each other? Contrary to popular belief, two people can come together, fall in love, and decide to part ways without betraying or disrespecting each other. Ask yourself—do you think this is the type of man who can go through a breakup without stooping to low blows?

Regardless of your answer to that question, it’s understandable that you’re both so attracted to each other. He was born with his sun in Sagittarius, which is your seventh house of partnerships. This essentially means that he represents your vision of an ideal partner—someone who has all the qualities of that you’d want your future husband or “better half” to have. He was also born with his moon in Libra, which is your fifth house of love and pleasure. This indicates that there is a deep romantic connection between you and that being together makes life feel more exciting. He completely understands and relates to your idea of “fun.” However, that doesn’t mean keeping the spark alive will be easy. His natal Venus is also in your sixth house of service, which can be a sign that your relationship would also require a lot of work and maintenance. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible, but that it would require effort on both of your parts. (Learn more about your Venus sign .)

Whether you want to or not, I do see you falling in love with someone, especially after your 20th birthday later this year. Your birthday—aka your “solar return”—is always a momentous occasion in astrology, as it can tell you all about how this next year will unfold. In your solar return chart, Venus will be in your seventh house of partnerships, forming a positive sextile to your natal Jupiter in your romantic fifth house. This indicates a major love story, but one that may be fleeting rather than lasting. After all, your solar return chart also has Venus in a tough square with your natal Uranus, which brings sudden changes, independence, and rebellious energy into the mix. Even if this relationship starts off hot and ends cold, it might be easier to sever ties from it than you think, thanks to this influence from unpredictable Uranus.

Even if it does eventually end on a bitter note, the pain could inspire you to try things you never thought you could do. You see, heartbreak is important because of what it inspires us to do. Getting one’s heart broken is often the inception story for the greatest and most successful people in history. Let your heart get broken, because it means you cared about something. In order to achieve your dreams, you have to be the one who cares more than anyone else in the room. Give yourself permission to care, even if it means falling flat on your face. Because you will! Over and over again. But you will eventually pull yourself back up, becoming more ten times more powerful in the process.

Dreamily,
Roya

About Roya

Roya Backlund is StyleCaster’s Senior Lifestyle & Astrology Editor and a professional witch. Born in Los Angeles on May 26—the same day as Stevie Nicks—she’s been obsessed with the zodiac since she discovered she was a Gemini as a child. Her interest in mysteries and the occult began in the metaphysical section at her local Borders. If you’re a fan of astrology, spirituality, and witchcraft, you’ve probably read her horoscopes and lifestyle articles, which have appeared elsewhere in Elite Daily, PopSugar, Astrology.com, and more. Whether you want to delve deeper into your birth chart or interpret signs from your spirit guides, Roya’s got you covered.

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