Two reasons England won’t beat Spain in Euro 2024 final are revealed as ‘hidden problem’ exists

England won’t win the Euro 2024 final against Spain unless they sort their ‘hidden problem’. Plus, we have final predictions, taking the Schmeichel, writer’s curse and more.

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Fate Dictates…
Whilst I don’t want to be too pessimistic regards Sundays final I think there’s something we’re all missing as to why England won’t win and it’s really quiet simple.

Rodri/Kane

Rodri just simply doesn’t lose football matches
Kane just simply doesn’t win trophies ….

Simple really
Paul, Manchester

Predictions for the final…
I just had tea with Mystic Meg and we agreed this is how the match will go…

• 7 mins. Spain start brightly, penning England in. Ominous…
• 16 mins. England finally get out of their own half….via goal kick. Progress…
• 23 mins. Tripper nails an absolute reducer on Yamal, breaking both legs in one go. Ouch! Ref sees nothing wrong with it. Yamal is never the same player again…
• 34 mins. Spain score a completely legitimate goal. But the ref says NO! Waives away protests. VAR screaming in his headset ‘Review Review Review!!’. Ref is having none of it, turns, winks at Southgate and mutters ‘don’t worry Gaz…this ones in the bag…’. Odd…
• 39 mins. Spain have had the ball in the net 17 times…no goals, but some very debatable offside decisions…
• 44 mins. Getting spicy now. Southgate tucks into a Subway ‘hot chilli’ roll…clearly bored with the game…

Half Time – England players rush back to the changing room…to post social media updates.

• 52 mins. Spain score! 45 million England fans throw beer on the ground in disgust, then realise this means another 60 mins to queue at the bar for a refill….genuine misery ensues…
• 60 mins. Bellingham looks up at the fans and a ray of light bounces from his smile. Ladies get way too excited, mainly because he’s such a good looking fella. Significant male envy ensues…
• 79 mins. England have a penalty!!! No one knows why because the ball was out for a throw in, but Harry Kane sat down to redo his shoelaces and that was enough for the ref to give it! GOAL!!!!!!!
• 82 mins. Southgate puts the subs on, then immediately subs them for more subs… no one knows why, but by now we trust he knows…that’s enough…
• 89 mins. GOAL GOAL GOAL!!!!! England. 2-1. Long ball from Pickford bounces in the Spanish area, the entire England team rugby tackle the keeper and the ball bounces in…! Ref allows it as technically, Rugby is football.
• 92 mins. England seeing it out. Realise the only way Spain can play is if the ball is on the ground, so take to punting the ball so high it gets stuck on top of the stadium…Genius tactics!!!
• 92.1 mins. Final Whistle. England win. ENGLAND WIN!!!!! We are the best ever ever ever!!!!

Enjoy! 😊
Tommo.

The hidden problem
So England are in a final. Will they win ? That depends on one decision.

Dropping Harry Kane from the matchday squad. Not in starting eleven and not on the bench. Totally gone.

Madness you say?

Not if you consider England’s adversary for the final. You think the opponent is Spain? That’s cute the opponent is something far more powerful

The REAL opponent in the final is the curse of Kane. So far even automatic league winners Bayern have been slain by the curse of Kain. The curse has already cost England before. And spurs.

Remember how everyone was laughing because Kane went to bayern to win trophies and ended up with none despite scoring all the goals? There some schadenfreude coming back unless Kane is ejected from the match day squad. Because kane is spurs in human form. And to win a trophy…you must exorcise the spurs.
Lee

Bring on Harry Kane as the late show
So it is upon us..  Absolutely loving all the armchair analysis out there but for me, of the teams remaining, I reckon one of Spain or England will go on to lift the trophy from here.

Beyond that bit of expertise I’d like to weigh in on what seems the biggest debate for Sunday: whether to play Harry Kane from the start.  I recall similar chatter doing the rounds in the buildup to the Champions League final in 2019, that Kane was misfiring, wasn’t fully fit, that he should take a place on the bench for what promised to be attritional, cagey, possibly ugly.  The issue back then (I presume) was that Moura and Llorente weren’t stellar names to be called upon to start a cup final of that magnitude, despite the former’s last gasp heroics in the earlier round.

Well there is no such issue here; this England side are chock full of quality forwards, any of whom are in better form and fitness…  so chock full, in fact, that prior to the tournament people questioned why Southgate named so many attacking players to the squad.  Believe me when I say the Spursy memes will fly if Kane starts Sunday and Spain prevail.  It’s among the cheaper of narratives but you can already hear it can’t you.

But nevermind the memes (nor the b*llocks), Southgate can finally show some acumen if he considers Toney, Watkins even Palmer as his 9 on Sunday, and Kane can still come heroically rumbling on at 70′ for a spectacle we’ve never witnessed in our collective lifetimes: Harry Kane lifting his arms / flopping to the pitch / running to the nearest teammates / pointing to the sky in delirium and triumph at the final whistle with a piece of silverware on the line.
Eric, Los Angeles  CA  (If England are lucky Kane was awarded the Dumfries pen, Spain are equally lucky Cucurella’s handball didn’t result in Germany’s pen.)

Southgate should drop Kane, his form has been very poor.
Spain will have most of the ball and we need someone who can counter attack, that player is NOT Harry Kane.

Trippier must also go, woeful performances and no left foot.
If he’s playing Saka as a wingback, why not put him on the left as he is, you know, left footed.
There’s no point playing a wingback who just wants to cut inside.

That also opens up a space for Palmer on the right.

If he is insisting on playing a right footer on the left and a left footer on the right, then why Gomez hasn’t had a look in I don’t know.
He played very well for Liverpool when Robertson and Tsimikas were out.
Neil, LFC, USA

Trippier, Kane, Bellingham, Foden
So.. people are baying for heads to roll. Singularly out certain players for criticism. Sure, none of the above have played anything like they have all season for their clubs. Tripper, creationless,  Forden a headless chicken a times,  Bellingham tired,  kane even reminiscent of the speed of any Carroll. BUT!

Like it or not, England are in the final. No its mot been pretty , free scoring skills flowing, but IN THE FINAL!!! Never in my 60 years did I ever imagine hearing the phrase, England’s second consecutive euro FINAL!

Is the way England play good enough to beat Spain. Probably not. Have we the skills to beat them at their own game? Doubtful..But, it’s 90 minutes and we all know , ANYTHING can happen!
In terms of reaching finals, Southgate is the greatest England manager in history.

So smart alecs,  all you armchair managers, keep your thoughts to yourself for now,  shut up and get behind the team who’ve actually  done YOU PROUD!
Gwyn Jones-Williams,  frome,  somerset

Taking the Schmeichel
Regards the topic of players making you feel old. Wrong sport but the respective offspring of Vaughan and Flintoff playing together for England U19’s is pretty disheartening.

However, if Kaspar Schmeichel’s 14 year old son breaks through to be a Prem League GK in a few years time, I’m giving up. That’ll be Peter’s grandson of course. The same Peter Schmeichel I watched for years and years in my ‘yoof’.

Maybe I can retire soon?
Gary AVFC, Oxford

Oh Dave…
Oh dear, sweet summer child Tickers. Going and writing an article saying to trust in Southgate’s selection process. Have you not learned anything from the F365 writer’s curse?

At least Southgate will feel a little better that when England go 4-0 down, he can jointly share the blame with Mr Tickner.
Alex, Madrid. (It’s a shame he will have to go into hiding because he does write genuinely good articles.)

How many F365 mailboxers are lit when they write in?
I’m curious – what percentage of you F365 Mailboxers are buzzed when you write in?  There’s a wide tenor of content spectrum in the published letters that goes from academic dissertation to mad ramblings…and from either end of the poles, the Ed Palace guy, the Stewie Arsenal hater or Toon DC – you all could be stone cold sober, or smoking a fat one, or sauced at your local watering hole while theming out your daily missives – BTW who cares, the content is good.  Results are all that matter…

But I’m a researcher by trade so this is all for the data (quant and qual) in the pursuit of knowledge…and one obvious hypothesis is after big matches, more content is alcy-fueled and day after more hangover induced clarity.

And, BTW, I’m sending this from my work email, but I’m not drinking as I write, just slacking off at the end of a long week 😉.
Anon, Birmingham, AL