Have you ever dated a narcissist?
If so, first of all, let me offer my condolences. Dating a narcissist is like suffering a slow, painful death, and parts of you pass away, never to return.
Nevertheless, if you’ve gotten to the point where you realize how toxic narcissists are, hopefully, this also means you have escaped the dysfunction and are somewhere healing.
Unfortunately, if you did not totally disassociate with the narc, they may try to reel you back in in order to keep you as a supply on standby.
And even if you’ve done the work to overcome their manipulation tactics, it’s still possible to be sucked back in.
How it works
Your narcissistic ex will use any and every opening to get back into your life as a means of using you. So, no matter if it’s an illness, death, or other unfortunate event, beware.
Indeed, even one conversation with your narcissistic ex can be enough to suck you back in. Therefore, you must be extremely careful if you choose to continue interacting with them in any capacity.
For instance, your narc ex may call you to check on you after someone close to you passes away. They may also use this time to trigger pleasant memories that tie them to your deceased relative.
No matter what, the goal is to remind you of the good times and offer a shoulder to cry on, hoping you will forget about all the bad times and allow them back into your circle.
Phase Two
The next phase involves subtle gaslighting without necessarily being sniffed out. Remember, the narcissist already knows that you are onto them, so they are going to be more nuanced in their approach this time around.
Therefore, rather than coming in gun blazing, they are far more likely to use coded language and words and phrases with double meanings than to be straightforward about anything.
For instance, they may remind you of a time when you were mean to your deceased loved one as a way to point out that you are also not perfect and, thus, are in no position to judge what they’ve done to you or others.
If this works, they’re back in! You might even go above and beyond to “make up” for judging them too harshly.
Granted, none of us are so high and mighty that we can sit on a pedestal and judge others for their misdeeds. However, we can determine who has harmed us and set boundaries to prevent them from doing it again. Never confuse the two.
The Final Countdown
Once the narc has regained access to your circle, they will either try to rekindle the relationship or settle for “friendship.” Either way, they will make their presence known and use you and your emotions as their supply as soon as possible.
Once you have allowed them to get to this phase, it becomes far more difficult to reinstate your boundaries and reclaim your power. Nevertheless, difficult is not impossible. If you’ve gotten away from a narc once, you can again.
This time, once you accept the fact that you relapsed and need to make changes, the process should essentially be streamlined in the same manner you used the first time.
So, this means blocking the narc on everything, letting them know their abuse will no longer be tolerated and that they are no longer welcome in your circle.
Remember not to blame yourself or beat yourself up for falling for manipulation again. Narcissists are experts at making people pawns, and they are even better at it once they have gotten to know you.
At any rate, just be mindful of the fact that narcissists aren’t your friends, and the only reason they show up is to try to push you back down to your lowest point so they can maintain their superiority complex.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission.
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