Crying is the first way we communicate. In fact, parents often breathe a sigh of relief when they hear their baby's first cry. However, as a child grows, crying—and other behaviors that express hurt—can cause parents and other adults in the room to label them as "too sensitive." While it's not sticks and stones, the label can hurt.
"The period of time in which we are constructing the foundational blueprint of our sense of self," Dr. Madeline "Maddy" Brener, Psy.D ., a licensed clinical psychologist with Thriveworks . "During this time, we are very influenced by the opinions and assertions of others about who we are, especially ones voiced by our parents, caregivers and trusted adults...If someone is told they are 'too sensitive' by any of those trusted voices, especially if they are told it repeatedly, it becomes one of the core elements of our self-definition."
When someone internalizes the "too sensitive" label, it can affect them long after childhood ends. Understanding the "why" behind specific behaviors you have in adulthood is the first step toward healing. Here, psychologists share common traits adults develop after being told they were "too sensitive" as children.
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14 Traits of People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' Often Have as Adults, According to Psychologists
1. Inability to trust your intuition
If the advice to "trust your gut" makes your stomach churn, a "too sensitive" label may be to blame.
"Someone who is used to being told they are too sensitive may struggle to trust their intuition, or ‘gut feeling,’ about dangerous situations to avoid further validating their oversensitivity," Dr. Brener explains.
2. Trouble trusting others
You may not be the only person you have difficulty trusting if someone tabbed you as "too sensitive" as a kid.
"Trust issues can arise from early experiences where their sensitivity was not understood or accepted," says Dr. Catherine Nobile, Psy.D ., a New York-based psychologist. "The biosocial theory posits that emotional vulnerability stems from not only genetic factors but also an invalidating environment."
This invalidating environment may cause a person to struggle to trust others with their emotions because they are afraid of judgment or rejection.
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3. Heightened sensitivity to others' emotions
This trait can be a silver lining of sorts.
"Adults labeled as sensitive in childhood may develop a heightened ability to empathize and perceive the emotions of others," Dr. Nobile says. "This sensitivity often stems from their early experiences of being attuned to subtle emotional cues in their environment."
4. Insensitivity
Conversely, some children who are told they are too sensitive can become insensitive toward themselves and others as adults.
"It might seem paradoxical at first glance, but sometimes, people labeled ‘too sensitive’ end up vastly overcorrecting and close themselves off from their emotional experiences," Dr. Brener says. "This can lead to difficulties with interpersonal connection, as well as a genuine understanding of oneself."
5. Perfectionism
No one is perfect personified, but that may not stop you from hopping on a hamster wheel and trying to achieve this impossible feat.
"Many individuals who were criticized for their sensitivity may develop perfectionistic tendencies as adults," Dr. Nobile says. "They may strive for flawlessness in their actions and interactions as a way to avoid judgment or negative feedback related to their emotional responses."
6. People-pleasing
Individuals become people-pleasers for various reasons, including being instructed to "stop being so sensitive."
"In the spirit of leveraging one’s sensitivity in a way that makes them likable and wanted, people-pleasing can include trying to anticipate and meet the needs of others before they’re even expressed," Dr. Brener says. "This often goes hand-in-hand with poor boundaries but specifically applies to appealing to the care and good favor of others."
7. Poor boundaries
Dr. Brener wants to double-tap on the "poor boundaries" point mentioned in No. 6.
"In the same vein as the previous point, a person who’s been labeled as ‘too sensitive’ may fail to set and enforce boundaries , therefore exposing themselves to unnecessary risks or losses," Dr. Brener says.
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8. Difficulty with conflict
No one likes conflict, but internalizing the idea that you are "too sensitive" may make navigating it incredibly challenging.
"Feeling dysregulated in conflict can be shared among adults who were told they were too sensitive as children," Dr. Nobile says. "They may have a tendency to experience feedback as harsh criticism, leading to perpetual feelings of being misunderstood."
9. Overthinking and rumination
Part of the reason conflict and criticism can be such a challenge? The habit of overthinking and ruminating on every.little.thing.
"Due to their sensitivity, adults may overanalyze past events or dwell on perceived criticism," Dr. Nobile says. "This tendency to ruminate can lead to increased anxiety and difficulty letting go of negative emotions."
10. Hypervigilance
Your inner monologue can be exhausting, especially if you're hypervigilant and constantly ruminating. However, this trait is an attempt to protect yourself.
"Adults who were labeled as too sensitive in childhood may develop hypervigilance, constantly monitoring their environment for potential emotional triggers or signs of rejection," Dr. Nobile says. "This heightened awareness stems from a desire to protect themselves from experiencing hurtful situations again."
11. Social isolation
You may feel like your mere presence is someone else's baggage.
"A child who is labeled ‘too sensitive’ may believe themselves to be too burdensome for others and end up isolating themselves," Dr. Brener says. "Isolation can also be a self-protective measure to avoid being further labeled."
Related: People Who Felt Lonely as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
12. Insecurities
Chronic comments on your sensitivity are highly critical and can leave you feeling insecure—then and now.
"This can include insecurities about their looks, abilities and understanding of interpersonal communication," Dr. Brener says. "Sometimes this can manifest in more severe ways, such as eating disorders, body dysmorphia, chronic anxiety, depression and more."
13. Addiction
"And more" may include addiction to substances or other processes, like shopping and gaming, Dr. Brener says. The negative self-concept that developed around the "too sensitive" label may be a key part of the problem.
14. Creativity
Creative expression is another potential silver lining that developed out of necessity.
"Many sensitive individuals channel their emotions into creative outlets such as art, writing or music," Dr. Nobile says. "These outlets provide a safe space for emotional expression and allow them to process complex feelings that may be challenging to verbalize."
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How to Heal From Being Called 'Too Sensitive' All the Time as a Kid
1. Self-validation and acceptance
The adults in your life should have validated and accepted you as a child. You can't change that, but you can give yourself these gifts as an adult.
"Recognize that sensitivity is a natural trait and not a flaw," Dr. Nobile says. "Embrace it as a valuable aspect of your personality that contributes to your empathy and emotional depth."
2. Connection
Internal work is essential, but so are relationships with others.
"Reach out to and spend time with the people that enrich your life and validate you. Try to minimize time with folks who make you feel bad about yourself," Dr. Brener says. "This doesn’t mean you should avoid anyone who ever disagrees with you or tells you when you’re wrong, but try to spend the majority of your time with folks who are compassionate and constructive with their criticism."
3. Mindfulness and emotional awareness
Mindfulness can help boost the emotional awareness you were told to bury as a child.
"Mindfulness helps you observe your feelings without judgment, allowing you to respond skillfully rather than impulsively," Dr. Nobile says.
Related: People Who Felt Constantly Criticized as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. Self-care
Using self-care during and after triggering situations can help soothe feelings.
"Prepare yourself for the toll that unavoidable triggers will take on you by setting up recovery activities," Dr. Brener says. "Highly stressed about a meeting with your boss? Have your favorite book, skin care products and shows at the ready as soon as you get home that day."
It may also help to avoid specific triggers, such as by setting boundaries.
5. Boundaries
Speaking of boundaries...
"Boundaries protect your emotional well-being by defining what is acceptable and respectful behavior from others, thereby reducing feelings of vulnerability or overexposure," Dr. Nobile says.
6. Therapy
Navigating emotions that you were shamed for having is hard work you don't have to do alone.
"Going to therapy is awesome," Dr. Brener says. "It can help with a huge range of problems, including identifying, examining and correcting core beliefs that are holding you back."
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