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    'I want to cancel my wedding - but it's only a month away'

    By Franca Akenami & Franca Akenami,

    2024-07-15
    https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=4aLd9L_0uSC8xIf00

    An unsure bride-to-be has opened up about hesitating to make the final commitment of saying "I do."

    With her wedding just around the corner , she fears letting down their beloved ones.

    She sought advice from Reddit users , where she posted her predicament.

    In her post, she stated: "I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I'm supposed to be getting married in almost exactly a month but now I can't think about the wedding without getting horrifically nauseous."

    She also provided some details about her long-standing relationship with her future husband.

    "I've been with him for 7 years, and during that time we've had serious ups and downs. We got engaged two years ago. There was a period a year and a half ago when we were truly separated shortly after we'd gotten engaged."

    It appears that she's had doubts about tying the knot for a while now.

    Further in her post, she revealed: "We bought a house together a year ago because it financially made sense, but even at that point I had reservations.

    "We have never shared finances and don't have any joint commitments except of course our mortgage. We do have multiple dogs, though they're technically mine or his, not both of ours. A year ago I was excited to get married and was happily wedding planning but the last 3 months have gone so wrong."

    She then went into specifics about the recent developments which triggered more skepticism towards their forthcoming union.

    She explained: "He comes from a very angry and dysfunctional family and his parents are actively getting divorced. He has periods of being lovely, but has always had an angry streak. I've been going to therapy for the last 7 months, and during that time I've learned how much of my time is spent trying not to anger him.

    "It's ridiculous things like asking him to do the dishes or trying to get him to talk through wedding plans that will set him off. In his credit he ends up apologizing every time, but his anger is so explosive. He'd never physically hurt me, but he does get very scary. I've spent the last 3 months spending more and more time escaping into the woods to go hiking."

    She continued to express her doubts about their upcoming marriage.

    Adding to her concerns, she said: "On top of his anger issues, we don't do anything together that brings me happiness. We used to hike together, but he always says no to my ideas of adventures because he really at heart is a homebody. I'm very much not. Most nights he does his own thing. Sometimes we watch a TV show together. We only have one day off together because of our work schedules, and for the past 2 months we've fought for at least half of those days.

    "I've been telling him for the last couple of months that I'm not happy. He didn't really seem to hear me. After every explosion he'd apologize but pretty quickly get angered again. The last couple weeks I've been having complete breakdowns where I'll cry at work, have trouble breathing, or be incapacitated by fear. I know I don't want to marry him at this point. So I told him as much a couple of days ago."

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    After revealing her reluctance to marry her fiance, he attempted to change his ways.

    She said: "In the last couple of days, he has promised he can change. He has thanked me for finally telling him. But he's also convinced he can fix it and that he still wants to spend his life with me. I feel no better even though he's doing everything he can to be helpful and kind. I can't stop flinching when he reaches out to touch me. His angry bursts make me not want to have kids with him too, which is the main reason I think being married is good. I care about him so much but I don't want to be with him.

    "If I could cancel or postpone the wedding and not hurt my family and it wouldn't impact all our guests that are traveling very far, I would. He knows that. We've talked about not actually legally doing the paperwork to be married until I want to, but I can't even imagine myself going through the wedding day and being okay. But it also feels impossible to cancel the wedding this late and not destroy my entire life. I'm so, so tired of conflict. What on Earth do I do?."

    Reddit users were quick to offer their advice.

    One user advised: "Don't get married. The bad outweighs the good. Listen to your gut."

    Another warned: "This reads with a minefield of red flags. I think your family would be happy to know why and that your safe. There will be a fallout but its a matter of when. Easier to deal with it now before the legal aspect."

    A third suggested: "If I had a plane ticket for a wedding that got canceled I would not care one bit. I'd still travel if I had family to visit, or get a refund if possible. People don't want to go to a wedding to see an abused partner tie the knot just because it was planned. Take action now. If you can't get venue money back have a family reunion instead and get as much canceled/ refunded as possible."

    For the latest local news and features on Irish America, visit our homepage here .

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