So you stroll into Costco one Saturday afternoon and see someone who looks familiar. Ah, yes, that acquaintance from high school. You have a decent idea of good conversation starters — What’s the last good book you read? Have you been on any trips lately? —but when it’s time to wrap things up, the cat’s got your tongue. You’re both awkwardly chuckling to be polite, scrambling for the right thing to say. What’s the nice way to say I want to stop talking to you and leave?
Small talk itself can be awkward enough—let alone ending it smoothly—even for people without anxious habits . But rest assured, it doesn’t have to be moving forward. A quick, kind phrase along with a smile is an easy, well-mannered way to get out of the situation in no time.
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Use This 1 Phrase to Smoothly End Small Talk
Jo Hayes , a CEO, etiquette expert of 13 years and speech-language pathologist who completed her master’s thesis on manners and modern etiquette, says her #1 go-to for politely ending small talk is “Please forgive me, Julie. I must go. Lovely to speak with you.”
It’s kind, clear and concise. “It offers an apology, which immediately ‘softens the blow’ of wrapping up the conversation,” she explains. “It’s clear, explaining that one must leave the conversation promptly. And the phrase wraps up by offering a kind word acknowledging the pleasure with the person.”
Additionally, saying their name, as Hayes did, is more important than you may realize. “People love hearing their own names,” Hayes adds. “It makes them feel seen.”
3 Other Phrases and Tips for Ending Small Talk Without Making It Awkward
1. Use body language
Slight movement can be a social cue. Hayes recommends starting to turn or move away. “Not too much that it’s rude/awkward, but enough for the other person to pick up on the social cue that they should wrap up what they're saying and allow the conversation to come to an end,” she says.
If they don’t get the hint, she continues, you’ve at least given yourself a segue into that phrase mentioned above.
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2. Throw in a brief reference to the conversation
You can switch up Hayes’s #1 phrase too, to show you’ve been listening. She gives this example: “Lovely to speak with you, John. I must keep moving, but keep enjoying that golf.” This kind of response can make someone feel important and heard.
3. Add a handshake
If you’re a handshake type of person, Hayes recommends offering your hand right as you say whatever variation of that phrase you choose. She says it conveys warmth and personal connection.
You may see this more often between men. “They shake hands with one hand, and grab the upper arm of the person with the other,” she says. “Again, it conveys warmth and softens any potential awkwardness in needing to wrap up the conversation.”
Related: 7 Phrases for Politely Expressing a Different Opinion, According to a Psychologist
2 Phrases and Actions to *Avoid* When Ending Small Talk
1. Looking away when the other person is speaking
Hayes says this habit is “one of the most impolite conversational behaviors” (and one of her pet peeves). “It demonstrates great disrespect and shows that one is not really listening to the person speaking.”
It can certainly get the job done as far as ending the conversation, she notes, but that doesn’t mean it’s the answer. She believes it’s “a poor way to wrap up the small talk.”
Rather, Hayes encourages a super-quick glance away combined with the verbal language mentioned above.
2. A blunt ending
A sudden “See ya!” or walk in the other direction are also items to add to the “no” list.
“Once again, a kind word acknowledging how one has enjoyed the conversation , and/or an apology for ending the small talk, will ‘soften the blow’ of ending a conversation and allow a smooth, easy exit,” she says.
TL;DR: Hayes believes a mix of kind words and subtle movements is your best bet. “A clever combination of body language and verbal language will allow one to extract themselves from any small talk situation with ease, poise and grace.”
Next up: 6 Things Successful People *Always* Do in a Conversation, According to a Neuropsychotherapist
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- Jo Hayes , a CEO, etiquette expert of 13 years, and speech-language pathologist who completed her master’s thesis on manners and modern etiquette
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