Your Children Can Set Good Boundaries, Even with Adults

Good parents teach their children to have respect for all of the adults they come in contact with. That’s commendable, but the lessons shouldn’t stop there. Respect is a two-way street. Children have feelings. Parents validate their feelings with healthy and respectful boundaries. Those boundaries can apply to children their age and adults. Moms explain the different but important ways they teach their kids to set healthy boundaries to everyday experiences.

Boundaries with Friends

People-pleasing, manipulation and resentment are some consequences that can stem from not enforcing personal boundaries. For kids, this can be hard to do with friends who they want to impress. Tynie Brown, a mother of two, teaches her daughter and son to simply be themselves.

“True friends will love you for being your unapologetic self,” Brown explains to 21Ninety. “When they don’t, this just may be a declaration that the end of your season has come and it’s time to move on.”

For some moms, like Shameka Ward, it’s all about encouraging their child to be the bigger person when other kids are unkind.

“I tell my kid all the time to treat people how they want to be treated,” Ward said. “Although sometimes it’s not in everyone to be nice and kind, he should still have respect for others even when they don’t display that same respect back.”

Natasha Thomas wants her daughter to always stick up for herself.

“She should always respect people’s boundaries,” Thomas said. “I also always tell her to make sure people respect her boundaries by never letting them walk over her or push her around.”

Brandolyn Hellams is a mom of two, who encourages her son to use his words wisely while getting his point across.

“When they want to do certain things and he doesn’t he can say, ‘I don’t want to right now, maybe later,’” Hellams explained. “If they touch his belongings that he doesn’t want them to he should say, ‘Please don’t touch that because I don’t want it to get dirty or broken.’”

Boundaries with Adults

Allowing your child to set boundaries with adults can be a bit more difficult to navigate.

“I tell them to approach adults with, ‘yes ma’am, no ma’am,’” said Chiniqua Gainer, who is a mom of two boys. “If they tell you to do something that you’re uncomfortable with, come to me and we will go to the adult together.”

Gainer said she especially preaches keeping a level of comfort to her boys since they are athletes.

“I teach them about good touch and bad touch,” she said. “If they touch you and you feel uncomfortable, let me know.”

Belinda Whitfield says she takes an old-school approach with her son and daughter.

“I don’t allow children in adult spaces,” Whitfield said. “When children are in adult spaces, their voice is restricted. Adults can be agitated easily if the child is commenting or asking questions in a conversation.”

In that same token, Tiffany Williams teaches her son and daughter that paying attention to certain verbal and non-verbal cues.

“Be aware of the person’s body language and tone,” Williams explains. “Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. If their energy is saying they don’t want to be bothered, give them space.”

Teaching a child to set boundaries takes courage, but experts say there are many benefits to it. It helps them build self-esteem, develop independence, and gives them a sense of identity.

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