32 Magically Hilarious Quotes By Gob Bluth From Arrested Development

With Arrested Development being one of the best sitcoms of all time , it's no surprise that every member of the ensemble cast was a comedic master in their own right. However, Will Arnett played unquestionably one of the series' most hilarious characters in Gob Bluth (or G.O.B., as the name actually stood for George Oscar Bluth II). Here are some of his funniest and most magical quotes.

Illusions, Dad! You don’t have time for my illusions!

Already in the pilot, Arrested Development gave us more than one example of what would become a recurring joke about Gob insisting that his magic be referred to as "illusions" rather than "tricks." This utterance was especially (and hilariously) tragic, as it showed us just how ignored Gob was by his father George (Jeffrey Tambor).

I've made a huge mistake.

This was a recurring joke used by several members of the Bluth family over the course of the series, but most commonly Gob, because boy were there so many mistakes.

Oh, sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done.

In Season 1's "Storming the Castle," Gob's girlfriend Marta chastized the magician for scaring her children with an "illusion" that made it look like he stabbed his neck with a needle. "They’re children! How could you do that?" she asked, leading to Gob's way-too-literal response.

Dad always said that was your fault.

Some of Gob's funniest quotes highlighted just how often he missed what was right in front of him. A great example of that was in Season 2, when the above quote was his response to Michael (Jason Bateman) saying that the reason the brothers fought so much was because their dad had always played them against each other.

The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Gob took a stand against his brother in the Season 1 finale, insisting that, as the eldest boy, he be put in charge of The Bluth Company . After Michael listed everything that Gob would have to deal with and asked him if he still wanted the job, Gob hilariously replied with another classic line: "What kind of vacation time does it offer?"

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you.

Gob walked a thin line when it came to whether he was ashamed to be with Lucille 2 (Liza Minnelli) or ashamed to been SEEN with her on a date. When the couple ended up at the same restaurant as Michael in Season 2's "Burning Love," he told his brother he was helping Lucille 2 eat and didn't want to go in the first place. Ouch!

I heard the jury's still out on science.

When Gob told Michael that "a young neighborhood tough" would be stopping by, Michael clarified that he meant Gob's son Steve Holt. The older brother brushed that off, and when Michael pointed out that a DNA test had confirmed that Gob was in fact Steve's father, he still refused to admit it, giving the above excuse.

My gut is telling me no… but my gut is also very hungry.

Michael agreed to give Gob $500 in exchange for a favor, but the older brother wasn't quick to agree to those terms.

There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with 'Women and children first.' I mean, why should they...

The age-old question about why paper beats rock in Rock, Paper, Scissors makes about as much sense as prioritizing women and children on a sinking ship, at least in Gob's mind.

Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.

A relatable statement for siblings everywhere.

I’m not fit to run a company, and I don't deserve a fancy phone.

The self-pity was palpable when Tobias (David Cross) asked his brother-in-law if he could borrow his cell phone in the Season 2 episode "Sad Sack."

Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? 'Cause if it's business, I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away, but I won't be happy.

Arrested Development Season 1, "Bringing Up Buster" features Gob Bluth in that moment when you're trying to maintain just the smallest shred of control after everything else in life has completely unraveled.

For the same reason that you should believe that a $100 bill is no more than 100 pennies!

The "raining pennies" trick is one that Gob tried a few different times with varying degrees of success. But when he used it in Season 2 to illustrate to the board why they should believe in him to lead the company, it went over like gangbusters (especially for Gob, who got $99 out of it).

You taste these tears. Taste my sad, Michael.

In comparing who had the more tragic upbringing by their father, Gob was convinced that his tears proved a win over Michael, and he implored his younger brother to see what his sad tasted like. When Gob started crying happy tears a few minutes later, the quote above turned into: "Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it."

Yeah, me and Blank are getting the old Christian magic act back together. I mean, you don't expect people to actually believe that I'm Jesus if I'm walking around in rags.

Where to even start with this one? Two of Arrested Development 's best inside jokes beautifully align here, as Gob can never remember the names of the women he's dating, and no one ever notices or remembers Ann (Mae Whitman). So Gob (and Michael) calling her "Blank," after calling her "Mouth" earlier in the scene is simply perfect. Add that to his referring to their wedding as a magic act and his startling incomprehension of Jesus, and this is just classic Gob.

You know what I could go for is some guac. This heat just makes me want guac.

Honestly, this Gob Bluth quote lives in my head all summer, every summer.

If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar.

In Season 3's "S.O.B.s," Gob tried to prank his mom by pretending to be her waiter at the restaurant where she was eating. Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter) didn't notice, but the other employees mistook Gob for a real server. He continued to show up for the new job he'd stumbled into, and realized that a little flirting could go a long way when it came to getting tips.

It's OK, son. We'll figure it out. When we do, we'll have the last laugh. We'll be the laughingstock of the boardwalk.

In Season 3's "Making a Stand," Gob and Steve Holt challenged Michael and George Michael (Michael Cera) to a little competition, setting up their own banana stand directly next to his nephew's. If only Gob and his son knew how to make a frozen banana. I'm sure they'll figure it out.

It's a jet-pack, Michael. What could possibly go wrong?

Spoiler alert: Things did not go as planned for Gob and Michael when they tried to break into their father's prison.

Ta da!

The greatness of this quote is all about the context. As one of his illusions, Gob announced he was going to be locked in his father's prison only to escape 24 hours later. Things didn't look great for him when he was unable to retrieve the key he had digested, but then he was stabbed in the prison yard. When he awoke in the hospital, he asked his mother if he was still in jail, and when she told him where they were, he gave a weak but proud, "Ta da!"

Is that enough of a reference for you?

On a job interview with his family's rival company, Sitwell Enterprises, the interviewer remarked that Gob really didn't have any references. Gob responded by producing a dove from a ball of fire and then saying the line above.

Come on!

This was one of Gob's most famous catchphrases, said quite often to express his frustration or point out the irony of a situation. Other Arrested Development characters used it at times as well, but nothing beat Will Arnett's delivery.

He takes his queen and showers her with diamonds! Clubs. Club sauce! He covers her with club sauce.

When practicing a card trick to perform at Michael's wedding, Gob pulled a club instead of the diamond he expected, forcing him to improvise what he showered his queen in. What even is club sauce?

Well, I will tell you this, Michael. I don't have a son … But if I ever do, I'm either gonna take him to the cabin in the woods or I'm gonna promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do is not tell him that I'm taking him to a cabin in the woods, and then not take him.

In Gob's mind, it was worse that his father hadn't cared enough to even promise to take him to the family's cabin in the woods than it was that George had broken that promise to Michael. Gob hoped for a different kind of disappointment for his own son.

Great news! Dad wasn't crushed to death!

Hey! That's always good news, right? In the Season 2 finale "The Righteous Brothers," Gob is relieved to find out his father had escaped from underneath the model home before part of it collapsed. However, no one else had known there was a risk of George being crushed to death.

It's called taking advantage. It's what gets you ahead in life.

Ladies and gentlemen, life lessons from Gob Bluth. Great words to live by.

Well I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans!

Stan Sitwell (Ed Begley Jr.) was sure to always carry spare eyebrows in case one fell off, which happened fairly often due to his alopecia. However, when one of his eyebrows fell into a bowl of jelly beans, Gob was clearly more concerned about the candy.

Take a look at banner, Michael!

This is one of the funniest quotes from the entire series, and it's hard to pin down what exactly makes it so memorable. Gob's childlike level of excitement? The fact that he was so proud that he couldn't even say "the" banner? Clearly no thought or work went into the sign, which read "Family Love Michael"? Yes to all of those things. It's a great line.

I'm in charge now. I speak for this family. I mean, I could if you wanted me to. I'd rather not, obviously. Don't know what I'd say. Why do I have to be the one? I don't need this. Why does this have to become my problem? No, I'm out. Forget it. Find somebody else. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of doing everything for this family.

What just happened here?

Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue, you can't be upset if they blow their nose. Right?

This was Gob's response to Michael blaming him for blowing up the family's yacht after Michael had given him permission to use it. Call me crazy, but does Gob have a point here?

I mean, it's not about money in the sense that I'm coming here saying, 'Here, Michael, take some money.' It's just more of a 'May I have some?' kind of visit.

Asking for money is hard, especially when it's your brother holding all the cards (credit cards, likely, in this case). In the Season 1 episode "Whistler's Mother," Gob gives a master class on how to handle the situation when Michael asks him if he was there about the money.

He doesn't want to break my legs. He wants to take my legs.

Michael was legitimately concerned when a guy started making threats against Gob, telling him to, "Say goodbye to your legs." What Michael failed to understand was that it wasn't a mobster or loan shark who was threatening Gob, but another magician, who didn't want to cause him bodily harm; he wanted to take the woman Gob used in his "Saw the Lady in Half" trick. One can see where Michael got confused.