Rachel Maddow’s JD Vance fan fiction

Is Rachel Maddow OK? Has anyone done a wellness check on her lately? Because judging by her broadcast on MSNBC , she is not taking the recent surge of Republican momentum so well.

After former President Donald Trump announced that populist Sen. J.D. Vance (R-OH) would be his running mate, Maddow, in full panic mode, delivered a bombshell report that Vance likes J.R.R. Tolkien. This is racist because reasons: “Lord of the Rings is a sort of favorite cosmos for naming things and cultural references for a lot of far-right and alt-right figures.”

And so, with sincere apologies to the hundreds of millions of people from across the world who have loved Tolkien’s books and their movie adaptations, I must report that hobbits, such as working out and dressing well , are fascism now. I cannot say that Tolkien fandom, physical fitness, and stylish clothing have ever been closely associated with one another in my mind. But Maddow has discovered the hidden link between them: It’s white supremacy. That’s the kind of investigative journalism that wins Pulitzers.

Vance, in particular, is double-fascist-with-extra-MAGA-sauce because he gave his venture capital firm the scary elvish name “Narya,” which Maddow suggests is a secret anagram for “Aryan.” Wake up, sheeple. It’s all just one felt board push-pin away from Vance’s friend and backer Peter Thiel, whose software company Palantir is also named after an object from the Tolkien legendarium! Which, if you rearrange its letters, spells ... air plant? Chilling.

Perhaps, though, the situation is not as dire as it may appear. Actually “Aryan,” which is a Sanskrit word meaning “high-ranking,” comes from a lesser-known movie franchise titled “real life.” I gather Maddow is not a fan of that one. The word “Narya,” on the other hand, derives from “nar,” meaning “fire” in the high-elven language of Quenya, as we may learn from studying the extended universe adumbrated in Tolkien’s unfinished mythic cycle, the Silmarillion.

I cannot believe I am about to explain this.

OK, so you know in the first Lord of the Rings movie where they have to go underground and escape from that big-horned magma-whatsit, the Balrog? Gandalf stays behind to duel with it in a very GOAT-ed and Gandalf-y sort of way — “you shall not pass,” flashy, flashy, magic staff, angry roaring, “fly you fools,” etc. All very moving. In that fight, Gandalf describes himself as “servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Anur,” which is possibly a reference to the fact that in the books, Gandalf wears one of three rings of power that were forged for the elven kings (you know, under the sky).

Specifically, Narya is the “Ring of Fire,” which is why it’s called Narya. If you watched Amazon’s Rings of Power, first of all, why did you do that? And second of all, you will have seen Narya depicted with its two companions: Vilya, the “Ring of Air,” and Nenya, the “Ring of Water.” Also there’s Nunya, but we don’t talk about what that one does because it’s nunya business.

Kidding. But the important thing about the three elven rings is they were made exclusively by Celebrimor, an elf, and not by Sauron, a bad guy (OK, technically “one of the Maiar”). So although they are dangerous to wear, they’re not totally under Sauron’s control and can be used, in limited ways, for good.

Which, if you think about it, actually makes “Narya” an awesome name for Vance’s company since his whole brand of conservatism is distinctive for its willingness to wield forms of state power that more conventional, small-government Republicans might prefer to eschew. “We’re going to build factories again,” Vance said in his speech at the Republican National Convention on Wednesday, hinting at a readiness to rush in where libertarians fear to tread.

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Vance is willing to make use of capital, both financial and political, to achieve his goals. He wants to introduce himself to Republican stalwarts, who may be skittish about muscular economic policy, as someone who will deploy his authority cautiously but firmly. You know, the sort of guy you would trust with a magic ring you knew was dangerous but not fatal and maybe necessary. The sort of guy who can wear Narya into battle against the Balrogs.

Or, you know, it could be a covert signal to Vance’s cabal of basement skinheads. I’m sure that’s equally likely. Look, Rachel: I just spent several hours on “The One Wiki to Rule Them All” making sure I had my facts right, and somehow you are the one who needs to touch grass. Tolkien won’t hurt you, and neither will J.D. Vance. Not even in four years when we elect him president.

Spencer Klavan is an associate editor of the Claremont Review of Books, the host of the Young Heretics podcast, and the author of How to Save the West.