Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Find Me Falling’ on Netflix, a Tin-Eared Rom-Com About Music, Lost Love and, Uh, Suicide

The “falling” in Find Me Falling (now on Netflix) refers to falling in love, of course. But it has a double meaning, since it also refers to falling off a cliff – on purpose. Harry Connick Jr. headlines this Very Bad Idea, playing a reclusive rock star who’s trying to find a little peace and quiet, and maybe also a former flame, but finds himself being pulled into a subplot in which he tries to stop people from ending it all. So if you’re yearning for a breezy romantic comedy about people killing themselves, this movie is for you!

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The Gist: John Allman (Connick) just bought this adorable little home in Cyprus where, it seems, he’s going to retire in solitude. He’s a singer-songwriter who had a gigantic hit, ‘Girl on the Beach,’ and now he’s on the other side of notoriety, where everyone you meet says I know you, you used to be famous! just before they say they love that song. He looks out the window of his cliffside chalet and sees a man and instantly assumes the guy’s there to find the famous John Allman. “Get off my property!” John yells. “I’m not selling you my story!” And then the guy hurls himself to his death on the rocks and raging waters below. Hard lesson learned: It’s not all about you, bro.

But hey, at least someone dying by suicide allows John to meet some of the islanders, right? The local police cop, Manoli (Tony Demetriou) arrives to investigate the scene, and informs John that this is a “suicide hotspot.” No wonder he got such a good price for it, eh? Ho ho, what terrible luck, so funny! John decides to build a fence to keep people away from the cliff edge, but he’s a lousy carpenter, and besides, he’s too drunk to pound a nail straight and it falls down and he falls down too and passes out and wakes up the next morning when Melina (Ali Fumiko Whitney) arrives to deliver his groceries. She’s a bubbly type who sings at the local nightclub, and is chill enough to not go gaga in the presence of a famous rock star. They smoke a cigarette together, and maybe John has a friend now?

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That night, Manoli takes John to the club for drinks and dinner and to hear Melina sing. Manoli introduces John to some of the locals, and all the background noise drops away and the movie score swells when he looks into the eyes of Sia (Agni Scott), who looks right back all wide and dewy, then follows him home and sleeps with him. They lay in bed and giggle and John pretends to not be able to pronounce her full name, Athanasia, by calling her Euthanasia. What a thematically appropriate gag for a movie that uses the horrifying suicidal urges of others as a means of getting a character to overcome his selfish psychological myopia! Anyway, could Sia be the ‘Girl on the Beach’ girl? Hmm. Sure seems like his dismissive quip about the girl being “just a line in a song” was a bunch of bull roar. Well, now what? Any other plot twists that we’ll see coming from 100 miles out? Probably! How about further exploration of unfortunate metaphors for falling in love? Certainly!

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What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Find Me Falling combines ethnic rom-com My Big Fat Greek Wedding , rock-star saga A Star is Born and suicide-hotspot drama The Sea of Trees to create one incredibly unholy concoction.

Performance Worth Watching: Relative newcomer Whitney shows some spark (and a nice singing voice) in a movie that follows a paint-by-numbers rom-com formula, and maybe doesn’t deserve her. Someone cast her in a better project, please.

Memorable Dialogue: John feebly tries to build the don’t-kill-yourself-on-my-property fence:

Sia: Is this to keep people from falling off?

John: They don’t fall. They jump.

Sia: What’s the difference?

John: Falling’s involuntary.

Sia: Ah, so you don’t jump in love.

John: No. You don’t jump in love.

Sex and Skin: Nothing worth noting.

Our Take: How charitable are we feeling today? Not very? Same here! The core irony in Find Me Falling is how the story of a man who wrote a tune that touched millions hits a godawful note in the opening scene, and continues to hit it over and over again, weaving its bleak suicide subplot into a flimsy, escapist rom-com. And let it be known that people killing themselves becomes a key plot device in improving John’s state of mind, which is what we’re really concerned about, right? Maybe he’ll even be inspired to further exploit the gross metaphor by writing a new hit song about “falling,” but hey, no spoilers!

The movie’s approach to self-inflicted death isn’t its only tin-eared quality. The dialogue is awful, the situations are bromidic and the characters are flimsy. Writer-director Stelana Kliris has a keen eye for sun-drenched Cypriot scenery, but it’s rough sledding beyond that: The blocking, editing and performances – hamstrung by this ill-considered script – are as klutzy as the tone. We get little context about John’s life beyond his status as a has-been “sex god” star who regrets a lost love from before he was famous. We spend significant time with Melina, but never get a sense of who she really is, what her dreams and aspirations are, because she seems far too charismatic to be content as a small-townie lifer singing for 27 people at the local bar-and-grill.

Of course, there are Things To Be Revealed as the plot wears on, and John and Sia fumble through old yearnings and wonder what the future might behold. But it’s hard to be involved with the state of these characters’ emotional lives when the film hurtles a thematic asteroid of planet-murdering size at us right off the bat, and asks us to survive the impact. Methinks they ask a bit too much.

Our Call: SKIP IT. Nope. Nope nope nope nope noooooooope.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

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