Mom shares why she took her tween daughter's phone away after having it for a year

Kids and phones —it’s the modern age dilemma of every parent . When to let them have a phone, what apps to allow them to use on it, how to monitor their usage…none of these are questions with set answers. The only thing we do know is that making the wrong choice can lead to serious consequences for a child’s mental health and development, so parents are understably wary.

One mom named Kailey recently shared how this anxiety even led her to taking away her tween daughter’s phone after she had already had it for a year.

In a video posted to her TikTok, Kelly explained that at first giving her two daughters phones at the age of 10 brought her “peace of mind.”

Phones gave her daughters more independence to roam the neighborhood and go to friend’s houses, while still being able to contact her if anything went wrong, and she could track their whereabouts. This felt especially important to her since so many parents don’t have landlines, nor do they exchange each other’s contact information.

Kelly “struggled” with this decision, given all the information out about granting kids phones too early, but ultimately thought this was the best option.

That is…until now. Kailey went on to say that over a year's time, she has seen firsthand how “detrimental” phones can be.

Perhaps most surprising of all, Kailey added that it wasn’t social media that was the big problem. “You can block the social media. That stuff’s all easy,” she said.

“What it is ... is hormonal girls being jealous.”

Kailey then shared the story of how her daughter was out with friends when one of those friends posted on Snapchat. Her daughter doesn’t have Snapchat but was recorded in the video. Another friend who does have the app saw the video and demanded to know why Kailey’s daughter was hanging out with that friend instead of them. Cue drama.

“And then my daughter feels bad and she has to make up a lie because she doesn’t want to hurt that friend’s feelings.”

While Kailey knows that jealousy and teenage girls have gone hand-in-hand long before iPhones, she felt that—despite all the precautions she’s taken—it only made the problem worse. This eventually led her to deactivating her now 11-year-old’s phone.

“We can’t keep them from having phones forever...they’re a part of the teenage experience now, but at what expense?” she concluded. “We as parents need to band together and agree that we’re not going to allow it until 14, 15, 16.”

Down in the comments, other parents understood Kailey’s experience completely.

One person shared “My daughter is 11. I reluctantly got her the phone last summer. I totally regret it. The texting drama is nuts. I have all social media blocked.”

However, many felt like this decision would bring about more problems—either by compromising her daughter’s trust or ending up making her feel isolated from her friends.

“When you take it away they will hide more from you,” one person said. “They will make accounts on their friends phones, and now they won’t talk to you about problems.”

“I was cut off from my friends because I was the only one without a phone (at 11 specifically) and it was the worst thing for friendships. Nobody cared to include the girl they can’t text. I’m 26 now,” another recalled.

Others pointed out that it might be overlooking the real problem: navigating conflict.

As one person put it: “It sounds like you need to have multiple conversations with her about making good friends vs bad friends and being mindful about who she surrounds herself with and a lesson on boundaries with friends.”

In a follow-up video , Kailey stood by her choice, acknowledging that while we’re never going back to a time without smartphones and their inherent issues, she thinks that waiting until her kid is older is the necessary “happy medium.”

Finding a happy medium is a good way of putting it, for sure. And getting to that balanced place might require some experimentation, since no two kids are alike, and since this is still fairly new parenting territory. Of course, knowing how long to keep kids as kids is not new and will always be a challenge for parents in one way or another.