Faith | ‘It’s a date!’ holds more meaning than a shared play list

Last Saturday found me delivering a marriage message amid grapevines and gladsome guests.

It-so-happens, also, the parents of the happy groom heard me speak at their wedding 25-years earlier. Moreover, this particular wedding day landed on my own anniversary date!

Speaking of dates, occasions like weddings offer fodder for reflecting upon the way-back-when/how-we-met, so-called, dating days.

Did you “date?”

As a former Campus Minister, Youth Director, pastor, plus parent of youths (and former single person myself), trust me: I have contemplated and conversed in this subject.

Questions abound: “Are you two going-out?” “Are you going steady?” “Did you meet online?” Along the way, though, a shared definition of “dating” evaded.

The Bible itself does not define dating, leaving some to kiss dating goodbye, and leaving others simply to kiss, dating.

Meanwhile, internet options ooze opinion, as the term typically describes anything from old time oversight in courtship, to emotive times of relational trial and error, experienced at soda fountains, coffee shops, movie theaters, and beyond.

Seeking a common, yet portable, understanding, I concocted an acronym that spells out a working definition of DATE: Discerning—Attributes—Toward—Exclusivity.

Discerning: to recognize or perceive differences clearly.

Applied to relationships, the discerning person eagerly seeks insights from sources outside of self, asking, “How does the Bible describe my budding relationship?” “How do parents, pastors, prayer, family, friends, and future, inform my feelings?” “Does mutual faith, in fact, fill the fit?”

In short, a need-to-know dater pursues wisdom.

Attributes: a quality or characteristic of a person.

For the dating, “checklists” easily emerge. Preferred attributes range from the conspicuous (externals obvious to everyone, including physical features of shape, size, face, eyes); to the chemical (shared vibe, type, feel, fit, wit, smile, style); to the crucial (inner, spiritual, needful, lasting). Combined, such qualities worth weighing feature the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5).

Accordingly, compatibility runs deeper than finding a swashbuckling leader/lover/physical trophy who shares a Spotify playlist; a serious dater desires deep, spiritual facets.

Toward: in the direction of; with a view to obtaining.

As a participle, DATE-ing describes a process in pursuit. Practically, dating acts as neither done-deal, nor destination in itself; rather, dating presses forward, progressing purposefully to procure a particular, pleasing prospect.

During my own data collecting days of dates, question marks marked the relational landscape, causing me to emote a poem that cried out, in part: I hear it all around, it seems: When love comes—“You’ll just know.”

But what about the broken dreams that come when “true love” goes?... What’s the good of “knowing” when the knowing knows no hope; when love’s certainties and promises find you washed-up (without soap); when tomorrow fights you fist-to-cuffs, it’s this I want to know: In the garbage pail of broken hearts—what’s all this “You’ll just know” stuff?

For me, an answer arrived a few years later, about eight months into dating Robyn ... which leads to the acronym closer:

Exclusivity: the act of shutting out all others.

To use biblical terms and imagery, this dating terminal opens-up into the beauty of marriage, true intimacy, becoming “one flesh” (Genesis 2), a picture of gospel mystery, revealing Jesus who died for his bride, the church (Ephesians 5). As often heard in wedding vows, exclusivity gets voiced as “till death do us part” and accented with “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Wow.

As for the married couples mentioned above, the Lord’s providence propelled each through the dating days. That said, may all marrieds still merry to hear their own beloved say: “It’s a date!”

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Rev. Dr. Craig P. Davis is minister at Grace United Reformed Church in Kennewick. Questions and comments should be directed to editor Lucy Luginbill in care of the Tri-City Herald newsroom, 4253 W. 24th Avenue, Kennewick, WA 99338. Or email lluginbill@tricityherald.com.