Natural Isn’t For Everyone: Why It’s Okay To Still Get Relaxers

Black women’s relationship to their hair is a deeply complex one. It’s often shaped by both centuries of ancestral tradition and how the world relates to it. Though bantu knots, Fulani braids and voluminous afros are all celebrations of the decadent stories within their texture, they’ve often been asked to present their hair in a much more muted fashion, in order to not disturb the Eurocentric status quo or risk looking “unprofessional.” Because of this, most Black women remember getting their first relaxers as young as age four, chemically straightening their kinks and coils before they had a real chance to build a relationship with their texture.

In recent years, however, there’s been a major reclamation of natural hair . More and more women are deciding to nurture and maintain their curls instead of depending on chemical treatments. This shift has resulted in salon clients seeking relaxers to plummet from 90 percent to 25 percent. While this narrative shift is certainly welcome, the pendulum has seemingly swung to the opposite end of the spectrum. Now, women who decidedly continue to get relaxers are getting shamed for it, assumed to “hate their natural hair,” and subsequently, themselves.

What Is a Relaxer?

A hair relaxer is a chemical treatment that straightens tight curls and coils by breaking and re-forming the hair’s protein bonds. Either at home or at a salon, the process is done by using a creamy paste that contains a strong alkali, like sodium hydroxide, ammonium thioglycolate, or formaldehyde, to the hair. It is left in for about five to 20 minutes and then rinsed out and washed with a neutralizing shampoo, which removes chemical residue and restores the hair’s pH level. And voila, bone-straight hair.

The process is permanent, needing to be touched up only when new hair grows in. However, being that the process is pretty damaging, it takes an extra amount of effort to make sure your hair stays healthy after the process. Many women experience hair breakage, stalling in length, and brittle hair. And with more and more evidence suggesting that these chemical treatments may be linked to uterine cancer or fibroids , many women have been incentivized to leave behind relaxers and embark on a natural hair journey.

Destigmatizing the Relaxer

Relaxers are becoming less common, yes— but are still very much in practice. Many TikTok users have shared glimpses of their journeys returning to relaxers after being natural, celebrating the ease of smoother hair. For some, getting a relaxer is a matter of convenience. Living an overstimulating life that’s quick and busy, styling your hair is much less of a hassle when it’s relaxed. Natural hair requires much more investment of time, research and money spent on a wide array of products.

Lily Ogbuefi, a 28-year-old born and raised in Nigeria, recalls getting your hair relaxed as the cultural norm; in fact, those who didn’t were seen as “unkept.”

“I didn’t understand my hair to be part of my identity. I only knew my hair to be relaxed. We actually used to look down on those who didn’t.,” Ogbuefi told 21Ninety.

It wasn’t until moving to the United States for college and experiencing the 2013 natural hair movement that she decided to give the journey a try, fueled by hair breakage frustration. While Ogbuefi found her hair growing faster and longer, she also found it requiring an exponential amount of care.

“I only enjoyed my natural hair once it got to a certain stage, but by then it was so difficult to take care of, I hated it,” she said. “I would just have my hair in braids and be so afraid to take them off. My hair started controlling me.”

After several big chops and experimenting, Ogbuefi started feeling like taking care of her natural hair amounted to a second job. It was her mother’s encouragement to return to relaxing that lit the fire of change.

“I just wanted to wake up and have my hair already be neat, I didn’t want to have to spend two hours getting ready all the time,” she explained.

Ogbuefi has officially re-entered her relaxer era, rocking sleek buns and equipped with tools like Keratin shampoo to better maintain her mane’s health.

“I thought I was going to feel shame about ‘giving up,’ but I actually just feel liberated,” she said.

Ogbuefi’s story echoes many other women who have grown weary from maintaining their natural hair and, beyond all else, were in search of manageability and ease.

Do What’s Best For You

Here’s the truth: going natural is a beautiful journey, but it’s not for everyone— and it shouldn’t have to be. Anyone who wears their hair naturally doesn’t “love themselves” more than anyone who opts for a perm; she’s just doing what’s best for her.

The goal of hair liberation shouldn’t be to confine Black women back into wearing their hair one uniform way again; it should be creating a safe space for Black women to wear their hair however they see fit, in whichever way aligns best with their lifestyle. Completely shaved off, a crown of curls, or sleek and straight, the real miracle is witnessing just how versatile Black beauty truly is.

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