Widow Questions Dating Again

It’s been several years since her husband died, but this widow questions dating again. She doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone, but what if she’s never ready to date? See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson says.

Dear Amy:

My wonderful husband died unexpectedly seven years ago.

I’m now 49, and still have no desire to meet anyone or go on dates.

My husband was my everything and, while I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, the prospect of dealing with dating and all the hassle that goes along with it makes me wonder if solitude is really that bad.

I did try some online dating a few years ago and I wasn’t ready. What if I’m never ready?

I know women widowed for just a year or two who are already remarried.

What am I doing wrong?

– Widowed

Dear Widowed:

One way to prepare for a life-change is to find ways to escape from your own head-space. Changing your perspective will change your life.

First of all, solitude is not a bad thing. Far from it! And you may not have a partner at home, but do you have friends? Do you have family or platonic relationships that feel positive and intimate? Do you believe you are growing – intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally? Do you do good work?

If so, then realizing this might allow you to relax into your reality and to stop seeing your life as flawed or somehow incomplete.

I view online matching as an opportunity to polish a person’s communication skills – even if there is no love match on the horizon.

If you see meeting new men as a way to revive and practice your social skills (versus finding a new partner), you can walk away from even the worst date with a sense that you’ve learned something.

I was single for 17 years between marriages and dated only sporadically during that time. Deep and rewarding friendships kept this from seeming like an in-between state, but like a life being lived.

I hope the same for you.

I n the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune ’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from when a widow questions dating again to entitled parents and family traditions .

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