Deadpool & Wolverine Review: Marvel Masturbation

Deadpool & Wolverine could easily sport the alternate title of Fan Service: the Movie. While the plot’s simple enough for anyone to follow — the constant narration and running commentary by its lead character assures that — the script is intended not just for those who know their X-Men from X-Force, but, for example, which actors are divorced in real life and from whom, and which superhero projects got stalled in development or had behind-the-scenes drama. If you’re reading this site, it is absolutely meant for you and quite possibly nobody else.

It’s fitting that Wade Wilson/ Deadpool ( Ryan Reynolds ) jokes almost constantly (and graphically) about masturbation since, in many ways, this movie is almost the same thing. It provides tension, stimulation, moments of joy, and release…but nothing especially lasting or indicative of more complex ideas. And honestly, that’s not an insult. There really isn’t anything wrong with a self-gratifying palate-cleanser.

Caveat Emptor

Well, except…Fans who come to this from liking the Deadpool movies, in particular, may miss their emotional stakes. In the first film, Wade put himself through hell both to beat cancer and win back his lady love, Vanessa (Morena Baccarin). In the second, he risked his life to protect a troubled child who had the potential to torch the future. Now in the reference-happy, uber-interconnected Marvel Cinematic Universe (sort of — he’s only in Earth 616 for basically one scene), he constantly reminds us, via references to Disney and Fox and Kevin Feige, that he can’t die, and we’re watching a movie where nothing much matters. Deadpool & Wolverine’s idea of profundity is to play familiar, upbeat pop songs during moments of graphic violence and sad songs ironically.

Ostensibly, Wade is trying to stop his universe from un-existing, which would cause all his friends from the prior movies to die quickly. But in the context of this film, we spend almost zero time with them. Our investment has to come entirely from watching the previous films, and frankly, some of these characters (Shatterstar?) barely registered to begin with. Domino and Cable are entirely absent for obvious financial/actor reasons, and Vanessa is now Wade’s ex for oddly mercurial reasons, given that she knew she was dating Deadpool. Colossus and Negasonic get maybe two lines apiece, and Blind Al’s just here for drug jokes.

Logan Berries

Thankfully, Hugh Jackman is here as Wolverine — not the one we know from the X-Men movies, but another variant with a pointedly non-specific, tragic past. Jackman is in on the joke but never plays it that way: his Logan is as tortured as Hamlet and as sarcastic as a boozehound masking the pain. Since it might be a slog if both heroes spent the whole movie being tragic, Wade goes the opposite direction, basically becoming a human Daffy Duck. Or perhaps, given the overly forward way he comes on to nearly everybody of any gender, Pepe Le Pew.

The way the film deals with Wade’s pansexuality is sure to ignite some debate, as it’s mainly just a set-up for dirty jokes rather than representation to make anyone feel seen. Yet the way it’s presented so casually, and other random gay characters in the movie as normal, feels like a step beyond the usual Disney strategy of having a same-sex couple far in the background and back-patting about it in the press.

Professor Who?

There’s no sense in spoiling the plot since there barely is one. Suffice it to say that, like most live-action Multiverse stories so far, there may be montages of different worlds, but most of the action takes place in one primary dimension, and fans who’ve watched the trailers likely sussed it out a while back. Professor X’s prenatal evil twin Cassandra (Emma Corrin) is a major new villain, and beyond that, if you liked the scene in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness where Wanda kills all the stunt cameo variants, prepare to enjoy a lot more of the same.

Who Would Win?

Bottom line: Deadpool and Wolverine fight three times, and each bout is delectable, a master class in adapting comic-book fight sequences to the big screen. For bizarre contrast, a key fight scene involving different characters is chopped to hell in stutter-vision, something prior director David Leitch and Tim Miller surely wouldn’t have stood for. Shawn Levy has become a much better director since joining forces with Ryan Reynolds — it’s hard to believe the guy who made the Steve Martin Pink Panther would ever try to emulate Oldboy — but there are limits.

Two hours plus of nonstop in-jokes, dick-jokes, butt-jokes, and meta-insults punctuated with lots of casual blood-spilling might get repetitive if not for Jackman, whose performance brings the baggage of many stories to life in his eyes alone. Uniquely among all these familiar faces, he doesn’t require you to watch all his previous franchise entries, as he brings a life history across in his every utterance and crouch. Events around him are so goofy that it’d be easier to underrate what he’s doing here, but when that mask finally comes out, he’s earned every cheer through force of will, and not just member-berries. Reynolds is very funny, but he can’t make me care about Wade’s failed relationship with Vanessa like Jackman can make me feel for characters we never even see onscreen.

Claws-It Case

Given the nature of variants and the Multiverse, as well as the likely financial haul of Deadpool & Wolverine, this probably won’t be the last we see of either character. It might complicate Marvel Studios’ plans to reboot a younger X-Men, but in both rising above and elevating Deadpool’s shtick, Jackman shows that he’s still worth whatever his asking price is. (Would it be too much to ask to have him face Tom Hardy’s Venom next?) Deadpool remains a source of consistent mirth and a certain degree of anarchy — he does desecrate a corpse, after all — but this adventure suggests he packs a bit more of a lasting punch in his own, more nihilistic universe.

Grade: 4/5

Deadpool & Wolverine opens July 26th in theaters.