'My controlling mother-in-law is planning my baby's first birthday without me'

A mom's been left gobsmacked after her mother-in-law decided to take over the planning of her first child's birthday bash without asking.

She spilled the beans on Reddit , seeking some pearls of wisdom from the community.

Taking to Reddit, she vented: "A little background: My mother-in-law is obsessed with birthdays. She expects the whole family to come together to celebrate each individual's birthday every year.

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"She expects this in addition to all other holidays as well as weekly or biweekly 'just because' visits - but the frequency of our time spent together is a topic for a different day.

"The birthday celebrations are hard for me because they are so routine they aren't fun anymore.

"They host them at their house every time. The only people who ever have fun are mother-in-law and father-in-law.

"It's very forced. I have had to ask them to please skip my birthday many times because it's just too much. Plus, I'd much rather do what I want on my birthday or go out with my husband instead of hanging out with the in-laws."

But her pleas seem to fall on deaf ears.

She continued: "Every time they have refused my request for time to myself for my birthday and have thrown surprise parties for me, have celebrated my birthday the next time we got together, and have even shown up at my house on my birthday with gifts and cake and guilt tripped me to let them in (I didn't).

"It doesn't feel friendly. It feels like they are using my birthday as a chance to see the family and be the center of attention. It's always all about them. It's very controlling. Of course, when I express how this makes me feel to my husband or anyone on the outside, they think I look ungrateful and think I should be happy. It's very frustrating.

"Now, my in-laws want to throw my baby's first birthday at their house. Mother-in-law is already telling me the plans- down to the color of the plates she bought. I REALLY don't want this.

"I want to throw my baby her first birthday party. Here is the dilemma- my house is very small (think studio apartment with a backyard small! ) and not able to accommodate everyone. Their house is designed for entertaining and 4 out of town guests visiting for her birthday will already be staying there.

"I can't think of anywhere outside of someone's house to have the party that caters to adults AND is fun for babies. A lot of the children's bday venues in my area are meant for children and a group of 40+ at that. This will be 12-16 adults and 4 babies IF everyone can make it.

"My husband says there might not be a better option than to just have it at their house. I have even said I might be ok with this as long as my husband and I can be in charge of the actual party plans, and my husband said that it wouldn't be fair to them to not get to participate in party planning at their own house.

"We'd have it outside at the beach or park but it's way too hot for babies (or anyone really) in our area right now to have an outdoor-only party. Does anyone out there have any better ideas for me so I can avoid this? My main priorities are 1. Making sure my 1-year-old daughter has a fun and not stressful birthday, and 2. That my inlaws don't take over and make it about themselves and their vision for my baby.

"If I need to chill and just let it happen, please tell me. Thanks in advance!"

One social media user advised: "We did a local beer hall that is pretty chill. Maybe if there's something like that near you. And I don't mean the kinds of places that are just a bar but a place that people just go to during the day to relax and have a beer. There's usually families with kids at some of these places anyways. And if it's during the day the vibe should be good."

Another individual chimed in: "Assuming you are in the US? Check with your Park Districts, local restaurants/cafes, small gift shops, bakeries, or chocolate shops to see if they would rent just a room that you can set up in. This is what we did for my twin's first bday. You have a real husband problem - he is choosing his mother rather than his family. I'd try to get into counseling asap."

Another person chimed in with a warning: "Don't let her start this tradition with your child. It'll never end. My inlaws tried a similar thing and I made sure to have a birthday party for my 1 year old just the 3 of us and I'm so so glad I did. We have memories and pictures and nobody else can take that away. Someone suggested a park, or some kind of pavilion or somewhere public. Make these memories without them. You won't regret it."