Life Coach: when should I call it a night?

Dear Lily, Now I’m in my 30s I don’t bounce back like I used to. How can I improve my willpower and know when to call it a night?

Having once been historically unable to call it a night, I feel you. Willpower — our ability to avoid short-term temptation — is a funny thing; seemingly given in spades to some while others are desert-parched (while booze soaked, natch).

The good news is willpower can be learnt; it’s a habit, a muscle you can develop like any other. The question is, how? Putting aside staying away from temptation (it works but doesn’t strengthen that muscle/isn’t always possible) let’s trysome steps I believe work. Hopefully, you’ll find them useful…

First, appreciate the influence of your mindset . Willpower is a self-fulfilling prophecy — believe you have none and feel unable to resist, believe you have lots and feel able to override your impulses. (Studies suggest simply knowing this helps — just by reading these words you’re bolstering your mental stamina!)

Second, seek evidence of your self-control. Start with small tests in other areas of life — no phone first thing or getting up when you want to stay in bed. Develop that muscle by proving to yourself you have overall willpower, and you’ll be less likelyto crumble at the sight of a glass of wine.

Willpower is a self-fulfilling prophecy — believe you have none and feel unable to resist

Third, define and reaffirm your why. Before heading out, jot down your reasons for an early night — an important meetingor personal project, prioritising health etc. Then, when temptation creeps in, read it. If possible, share with friends too; they may even feel the same. Either way, it should sober you up enough to inspire a Cinderella-style exit.

Fourth, treat yourself. The brain loves incentives, so reward it with the promise of something exciting/delicious/fun forthe next day, provided you don’t stay out late.

Ultimately, setting boundaries like these is self-care , but don’t expect instant miracles or get dissuaded if you stumble — the next day is always a fresh start. Believe in yourself, persevere, and you’ll soon see your mindset and actions transform. Not every night has to be an early one (unless that’s what you want) and I’m not convinced that nothing good happens after 2am, but I do know that with greater willpower you’ll find those (rare) late nights become all the more fun